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lexistwit.bsky.social
Alexis (Taylor’s version)
@lexistwit.bsky.social
860 followers 200 following 280 posts
Twimmigrant. Still figuring this out.
Lone survivor of @mockeree.bsky.social.
linktr.ee/lexistwit
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lexistwit.bsky.social
Ha, thank you. Here it is the morning after.
Sheep’s head pumpkin, with T. ocellus pumpkinlet embedded in an eye socket and candle wax dripping down it in what I can now see is not quite the right direction, sitting on my kitchen worktop this morning surrounded by various bits of toolage used in its creation
November 1, 2025 at 12:27 PM
lexistwit.bsky.social
I have made a pumpkin, and I have made a video of a pumpkin, and I have judged it not quite too shit to share. #AlienEarth #Halloween #pumpkin
October 31, 2025 at 9:51 PM
lexistwit.bsky.social
Just getting ready to pose for my compulsory UK ID photo.
September 25, 2025 at 7:58 PM
lexistwit.bsky.social
The Predator epic handshake meme with the two hands labelled “I couldn’t read my speech” and “They couldn’t hear my speech” and the handshake captioned “Everyone loved my speech”
September 25, 2025 at 6:45 AM
lexistwit.bsky.social
What’s your sign?
A safety sign about lifting, displayed on a wall at my place of work, with the text changed by me from whatever it originally was to “Ooh, me piles” because the figure struggling with the heavy box appears to have lightning bolts of pain emanating from his arse
September 20, 2025 at 9:59 PM
lexistwit.bsky.social
After serving his time for the murder of Tasha Yar, Armus forged a new life in the haulage industry.
A tanker lorry with the words “oil monster” written across the front
September 11, 2025 at 7:13 AM
lexistwit.bsky.social
Venus de Paedo
Trump’s weird and creepy Epstein birthday note now written on the torso of the Venus de Milo
September 8, 2025 at 11:01 PM
lexistwit.bsky.social
Get your Duchess of Kent style obituary by replacing “music and tennis” with your last two Instagram searches.
BBC News alert on an iPhone home screen, saying “The Duchess of Kent, who loved music and tennis, has died at 92”
September 5, 2025 at 7:34 PM
lexistwit.bsky.social
Just drew round my own head and I feel this might answer a number of long-standing questions.
I put my head down on a pad of lined A3 paper, with my left hand next to it, and drew round it with a biro in my right hand. I’ve then gone over it with a Sharpie for clarity. The result is a slightly wiggly outline of what looks like a falconry glove and a misshapen potato with a single giant ear. M’colleague Chantal says I look like the BFG.
September 4, 2025 at 2:10 PM
lexistwit.bsky.social
This planet ain’t big enough for the both of us.
Legendary Vulcan spock group, Sparks.
August 9, 2025 at 9:34 PM
lexistwit.bsky.social
Leslie Nielsen in Airplane: “Good luck. We’re all counting on you.” Yes I knowingly chose one that omitted “I want to tell you both”, but no it’s not deliberately a still. Mobile signal too shite to download a gif, apparently.
August 1, 2025 at 2:53 PM
lexistwit.bsky.social
Share two shows that should have had at least one crossover episode.
The US version of ‘The Apprentice’, featuring a grinning orange man baby flanked by two gormless nepo babies The title card of ‘Porridge’, exhibiting the iron gate of Slade Prison
July 28, 2025 at 6:37 PM
lexistwit.bsky.social
I look down on Bognor because I am in Chichester.
Ronnie Barker looking down on Ronnie Corbett in the class sketch from the Frost Report. Look, I’ve got nothing against Bognor and have had some good nights out there, and even brought a bit of it home embedded in my skull once. But I don’t know my place.
July 26, 2025 at 12:48 PM
lexistwit.bsky.social
Scooby and Shaggy at the Coldplay gig.
Scooby-Doo jumping up into Shaggy’s arms, both of them with surprised expressions
July 20, 2025 at 3:36 PM
lexistwit.bsky.social
This answers a number of questions I admittedly wasn’t intending to ask.
Philip Etemesi, writer of this article ‘10 Classic Movies That Are Absolutely Unwatchable Today’, was previously a senior writer at ScreenRant.
July 20, 2025 at 10:18 AM
lexistwit.bsky.social
Just because #IKnowWhatYouDidLastSummer.
Poster for ‘I Know What You Did Last of the Summer Wine’, featuring Nora Batty in the original Jennifer Love Hewitt role plus Foggy, Compo and Clegg in the places of whoever else there was on the original 1997 film poster. A speeding bathtub is a threatening red-tinted spectre in the bottom right corner.
July 19, 2025 at 6:12 PM
lexistwit.bsky.social
Of course, you know who’s got the chin and a clear calendar. #JudgeDredd
A poster for ‘Grudge Gregg’, with the judge’s helmet occupied by the lopsided grin of Gregg Wallace, also brandishing a lawmixer. A slogan claims “justice doesn’t get any tougher than this”.
July 18, 2025 at 3:20 PM
lexistwit.bsky.social
Post the last pic of your pet.
Catface giving me side-eye from his latest cardboard box
July 15, 2025 at 10:39 PM
lexistwit.bsky.social
#Saturday
A recycled four-year-old photo of a doodle I did on a post-it note featuring a scratchy black biro silhouette of a caped, flying human figure in the clouds, one arm outstretched, below the word ‘Saturday’ in an approximation of the classic Superman logo. It’s not very good but it’s kinda topical and I’ve just rediscovered it.
July 12, 2025 at 5:34 PM
lexistwit.bsky.social
The face I'm submitting to Bluesky for verification
“Face-folded” Mick Hucknell semi-naked on a beach, with his armless and headless torso now adorned with his ghastly orange hair and his pink belly a besunglassed, blobfish-like face. Hey! I should’ve posted a blobfish face. That probably would’ve been a better joke.
July 10, 2025 at 10:02 PM
lexistwit.bsky.social
Behold: Spinal Tapestry. In a scene from the Bayeux tapestry, one man demonstrates a contraption labelled ‘Marshalle’ to another, telling him “Verily, it goeth even unto XI”. Various marginalia depict a gauntlet being sniffed, a drum in flames and miniature hengey standing stones that don’t look like anything like Weetabix, you take that back.
July 8, 2025 at 5:39 PM
lexistwit.bsky.social
This sequel looks a bit cheap.
A real, unaltered photo of an Argos “seize the sale” poster outside Sainsbury’s, featuring a photo of a slightly creepy-looking doll with her arms raised. Underneath it, in the foreground and slightly out of focus, in my outstretched hand is one of those Coke cans with random people’s names on them. This one says “Megan”.
June 21, 2025 at 5:07 PM
lexistwit.bsky.social
What’s your sign?
A blue on white health and safety sign at my place at work, showing a human figure improbably lifting a large box with one hand while the other hand is clasping what I assume is supposed to be its lower back but looks more like its bottom, from which lightning bolts are emerging to indicate pain. The text underneath originally said “Lift correctly” but have been fairly convincingly if puerilely replaced with “Ooh, me piles”.
June 16, 2025 at 12:40 AM
lexistwit.bsky.social
Me shouting at the slow driver in front
A photo of a TV screen showing a shot from Mission: Impossible - Dead Reckoning (part one), with Tom Cruise on a horse in the desert, with the subtitles “come on [horse nickers]”
May 25, 2025 at 11:04 AM
lexistwit.bsky.social
For a second I thought that must have been from the Poke’s ‘film character Facebook’ challenge, but that was only* 10 years ago.

* “only” 😬
A faked Facebook timeline from an image challenge in 2015 (eek). Starts with Bruce Banner’s calm Mark Ruffalo profile pic and the status “Bruce Banner was feeling angry”. Your reaction was “You won’t like this”. A second post is “Bruce Banner changed his profile picture” and indeed the profile picture is now green and angry and hulky. Available reactions are “Smash” and “Smash”. There’s one comment in reply, from Black Widow: “u ok hun? xxx”. One final post has Bruce changing his profile picture again, to a different calm Ruffalo, which 4 avengers have liked. He’s posted two replies himself: “omg totally smashed it last night lol must of bin a sick one pms cant renember nuthin and place is all fukd up rofl” and finally “anyone seen my clothes?”. I think I was quite pleased with it at the time.
April 29, 2025 at 8:44 AM