John wants to brain surgery Ellen, but she gets rescued by his "pet 8" aka Boomer. That's gonna be a fucking mess next week.

Oh, and also Galatica is a mess and has like, ship cancer, and only Cylon goo can cure it or something.

Remember when this show was 33? I do.

8/8

So it turns out all of this happened because Number One is made his mommy made him in her father's old body or something.

Anyway Sam has to get brain surgery from John Hodgman because mutiny bullet, and it seems like the surgery left him a blank slate. Starbuck is sad.

7/8

So John it turns out is a fucking sociopath who wants to be a regular robot so he kills the final five and puts them in the colonies believing they are human to punish them. And then he had the Cylons destroy the colonies and lets parents live to torment them more.

The Plan. Anticlimactic.

6/8

When they get there Cylons and humans are already fighting. So the final five get them to stop by making the 8 humanoid models.

Yes, 8. The seven, Daniel, made John jealous so he fucked them up or something. No it has nothing to with Starbuck.

Red herring to explain bad numbering.

5/8

They made Cylons of their own, and earth got fucked up. But not before the Final Five learned resurrection. I guess they were warned by head people like with Gauis.

They decide to warn the 12 tribes not to make Cylons.

But they are sub light speed so that takes awhile.

4/8

We cut between Ellen and "John" (he doesn't like that name) and a suddenly clairvoyant Sam Anders so we can get told why we're all here.

So...

13th tribe were cylons created by man. They all fucked up Kobol and bailed. 13th tribe went to earth. They learned how to make babies.

3/8

It turns out Ellen Tigh has been resurrected and sitting in Professor Stockwell's class on why being a skin job sucks and damn you mommy for making me this way.

I mean, that really explains a lot about the Cylons and why they are neurotic: Saul and Ellen are their parents.

2/8

Remember when she compared the keffiyeh to a swastika? Because I do...

Ha ha ha ha. Get it? Racist alien too full of himself to realize that Ivanova only held his hand for a bit. Womp womp.

Ugh.

And won't somebody please have a drink with poor Londo? Life is soooooo hard for him since he embraced war crimes.

Ugh. Go cry to Garibaldi.

5/5

Ivanova shows him the station, but he isn't impressed with humans enough for an alliance until he sees how we treat the homeless.

The treaty requires fucking to seal the deal, so poor Ivanova has to put on her best Harry Met Sally performance.

And trick the alien into thinking they banged.

4/5

Anyway G'kar's prize for playing peacemaker is a poisoned knife wound and some empty promises about help that may get a few Narn rescued. Nothing more.

I am crying too, G'kar.

Oh and Ian Abercrombie is a racist alien with a Paul Williams translator.

3/5

So when the rednecks harassing the Black men at the bar... sorry I mean Centauri harassing the Narn men at the bar escalates further into straight up LAPD gunning down... I mean Zack Allen gunning down a Narn, G'kar has to play the game into... some uncomfortable warrior race tropes.

2/5

This is as far as the men will get before they realize they must head back with the Curtis family on the horses they had with them.

Reed thinks about his wife and children. What can he do for them now? Winter has sealed the pass.

And snow continues to fall...

6/6

The snow is so deep that the horses can no longer move. But Reed is stubborn and wants to keep going. So the two men keep going until eventually they realize that without the supplies on the horses, to get to the summit themselves will do no good.

They are ~10 miles from the summit.

5/6

Anyway McCutchen does try to catch up with them only to find the Curtises again. They tell McCutchen that the two men briefly stopped to warm up by the fire before leaving.

McCutchen rides back up to Reed, and they decide to continue.

Eventually though they have to stop.

4/6

Internet search the Kern and Sutter Massacre and how the outcome was for the new state of California to basically write it into law that enslavement/genocide of Native Americans was totally legal and even encouraged.

The US has ALWAYS been this way. Always.

3/6

Many American pioneers to California would document the conditions Sutter kept Miwok slaves in: I won't go into it here because it is CW all the way down.

There is 🍇 of women and girls. There's a pig trough used for food and not beds: only floor.

And finally....

2/6