Joke’s on them. My HBO and Netflix passwords are already the same.
December 5, 2025 at 7:50 PM
Joke’s on them. My HBO and Netflix passwords are already the same.
“Strong Floor, No Ceiling” is André the Giant’s HGTV home reno show.
November 30, 2025 at 6:36 PM
“Strong Floor, No Ceiling” is André the Giant’s HGTV home reno show.
When MD drivers can no longer blame the bumper-to-bumper MD to VA commute on VA construction:
<AreWeTheBaddies.bmp>
<AreWeTheBaddies.bmp>
November 25, 2025 at 1:17 PM
When MD drivers can no longer blame the bumper-to-bumper MD to VA commute on VA construction:
<AreWeTheBaddies.bmp>
<AreWeTheBaddies.bmp>
Does no one care about the spreadsheet keeper??!!
November 22, 2025 at 1:35 AM
Does no one care about the spreadsheet keeper??!!
Therapist: “So what I’m hearing is that you live in a near-constant state of fully self-imposed, internal existential conflict.”
“Uh-huh.”
Therapist: *spends 3 minutes in silence trying to figure out a professional, non-condescending way of saying ‘maybe just don’t be like that?’*
“Uh-huh.”
Therapist: *spends 3 minutes in silence trying to figure out a professional, non-condescending way of saying ‘maybe just don’t be like that?’*
November 19, 2025 at 2:33 PM
Therapist: “So what I’m hearing is that you live in a near-constant state of fully self-imposed, internal existential conflict.”
“Uh-huh.”
Therapist: *spends 3 minutes in silence trying to figure out a professional, non-condescending way of saying ‘maybe just don’t be like that?’*
“Uh-huh.”
Therapist: *spends 3 minutes in silence trying to figure out a professional, non-condescending way of saying ‘maybe just don’t be like that?’*
Between “Death by Lightning” and Ken Burns’ “American Revolution”, I think I would have retained much more from history classes if they were reenacted by that guy from that thing.
November 18, 2025 at 3:12 AM
Between “Death by Lightning” and Ken Burns’ “American Revolution”, I think I would have retained much more from history classes if they were reenacted by that guy from that thing.
I fixed it:
President - 4 years, election every mult. of 4 year (as is)
House - 4 years, election every year for 1/4 of House
Senate - 4 years, election every 2 years for 1/2 of Senate, odd years
Court - 4 years, election every 2 years for 1/2 of Court, even years, Chief Justice off-cycle w Pres
President - 4 years, election every mult. of 4 year (as is)
House - 4 years, election every year for 1/4 of House
Senate - 4 years, election every 2 years for 1/2 of Senate, odd years
Court - 4 years, election every 2 years for 1/2 of Court, even years, Chief Justice off-cycle w Pres
November 15, 2025 at 3:41 PM
I fixed it:
President - 4 years, election every mult. of 4 year (as is)
House - 4 years, election every year for 1/4 of House
Senate - 4 years, election every 2 years for 1/2 of Senate, odd years
Court - 4 years, election every 2 years for 1/2 of Court, even years, Chief Justice off-cycle w Pres
President - 4 years, election every mult. of 4 year (as is)
House - 4 years, election every year for 1/4 of House
Senate - 4 years, election every 2 years for 1/2 of Senate, odd years
Court - 4 years, election every 2 years for 1/2 of Court, even years, Chief Justice off-cycle w Pres
On this season of “Let’s Define What a Woman Is”…
Megyn Kelly: "I know somebody very close to this case…Jeffrey Epstein, in this person's view, was not a pedophile…He was into the barely legal type, like he liked 15 year old girls…He wasn't into like 8 year olds…There's a difference between a 15 year old and a 5 year old."
November 13, 2025 at 7:03 PM
On this season of “Let’s Define What a Woman Is”…
“I will not support drinking at this party because I am underage.” - freshman talking to the cops breaking up the kegger at his house thrown by his cousins while he was organizing his stamp collection
I will not support the Republican bill that’s on the Senate floor because it fails to do anything of substance to fix America’s healthcare crisis.
November 10, 2025 at 10:57 PM
“I will not support drinking at this party because I am underage.” - freshman talking to the cops breaking up the kegger at his house thrown by his cousins while he was organizing his stamp collection
I keep forgetting at the first day of Senate Camp they all do trust falls and get brain damage.
November 10, 2025 at 3:46 AM
I keep forgetting at the first day of Senate Camp they all do trust falls and get brain damage.
Not liking the apparent Democratic leadership’s strategy of “well, dead people can’t vote against me”.
November 10, 2025 at 12:45 AM
Not liking the apparent Democratic leadership’s strategy of “well, dead people can’t vote against me”.
I don’t know if this is due to Marvel fatigue, but the only superhero costume we saw tonight was Batman, whose most recent credit was not showing up in “The Penguin” a year ago.
November 1, 2025 at 12:15 AM
I don’t know if this is due to Marvel fatigue, but the only superhero costume we saw tonight was Batman, whose most recent credit was not showing up in “The Penguin” a year ago.
RFK Jr. doesn’t want you to know this, but the correct post-covid-booster recovery sequence is purple then orange then blue gatorade.
October 26, 2025 at 6:01 PM
RFK Jr. doesn’t want you to know this, but the correct post-covid-booster recovery sequence is purple then orange then blue gatorade.
1970s:
Boomer 1: “Let’s refer to the kids today as Generation X.”
Boomer 2: “OK. But shouldn’t we start with an earlier letter? They might run out of things in a few generations.”
Boomer 1: “I don’t foresee that being a problem. Now, time to not leave positions of power for the next 50+ years.”
Boomer 1: “Let’s refer to the kids today as Generation X.”
Boomer 2: “OK. But shouldn’t we start with an earlier letter? They might run out of things in a few generations.”
Boomer 1: “I don’t foresee that being a problem. Now, time to not leave positions of power for the next 50+ years.”
October 25, 2025 at 1:51 PM
1970s:
Boomer 1: “Let’s refer to the kids today as Generation X.”
Boomer 2: “OK. But shouldn’t we start with an earlier letter? They might run out of things in a few generations.”
Boomer 1: “I don’t foresee that being a problem. Now, time to not leave positions of power for the next 50+ years.”
Boomer 1: “Let’s refer to the kids today as Generation X.”
Boomer 2: “OK. But shouldn’t we start with an earlier letter? They might run out of things in a few generations.”
Boomer 1: “I don’t foresee that being a problem. Now, time to not leave positions of power for the next 50+ years.”
“Ugh. I can’t be sexist. I can’t be racist. I can’t be classist. I can’t be ableist. I can’t be anything-phobic. I’m running out of ways to explain to you that I’m inherently superior and more important than you and it’s NOT FAIR TO ME! UGH!”
October 22, 2025 at 12:31 AM
“Ugh. I can’t be sexist. I can’t be racist. I can’t be classist. I can’t be ableist. I can’t be anything-phobic. I’m running out of ways to explain to you that I’m inherently superior and more important than you and it’s NOT FAIR TO ME! UGH!”
“Yeah, 7 million, yada yada, but what you don’t understand is that number includes some protest signs that were grammatically incorrect.”
October 19, 2025 at 1:02 PM
“Yeah, 7 million, yada yada, but what you don’t understand is that number includes some protest signs that were grammatically incorrect.”
Marillion - “The New Kings” (2016)
October 18, 2025 at 4:39 PM
Marillion - “The New Kings” (2016)
Looks like we’re transitioning from “we can’t report that Trump is lying because we can’t technically prove his intent is to deceive” to “we can’t report that Trump is lying because it’s not technically deception if he’s non compos mentis.”
October 5, 2025 at 10:17 PM
Looks like we’re transitioning from “we can’t report that Trump is lying because we can’t technically prove his intent is to deceive” to “we can’t report that Trump is lying because it’s not technically deception if he’s non compos mentis.”
My eye doctor’s office has texted me 5 times in the last 4 days about scheduling my annual exam in December. So I’m glad to learn that my mom has fully evolved into an administrative chatbot.
October 2, 2025 at 11:37 PM
My eye doctor’s office has texted me 5 times in the last 4 days about scheduling my annual exam in December. So I’m glad to learn that my mom has fully evolved into an administrative chatbot.
If Kimmel gets raptured during his monologue tomorrow…
September 22, 2025 at 10:41 PM
If Kimmel gets raptured during his monologue tomorrow…
My version of the kids’ 1-marshmallow-now-or-5-marshmallows-later test is when the bowls and napkins are over there but the giant tub of cheeseballs is right here.
September 16, 2025 at 11:00 PM
My version of the kids’ 1-marshmallow-now-or-5-marshmallows-later test is when the bowls and napkins are over there but the giant tub of cheeseballs is right here.
All instructions for lawn care best practices start with either “do this 4 months from now” or “you should’ve done this 6 weeks ago”.
September 13, 2025 at 2:33 PM
All instructions for lawn care best practices start with either “do this 4 months from now” or “you should’ve done this 6 weeks ago”.
Watching “Alien” and “Aliens” for the first time in like 30 years, which really brings me back to the heyday of cathode-ray tubes.
August 31, 2025 at 8:59 PM
Watching “Alien” and “Aliens” for the first time in like 30 years, which really brings me back to the heyday of cathode-ray tubes.
The supervillain origin story for AI was the “I’m Feeling Lucky” button getting ignored one too many times.
August 20, 2025 at 2:22 AM
The supervillain origin story for AI was the “I’m Feeling Lucky” button getting ignored one too many times.
