🏴☠️ Jollyrobber 🏴☠️
@jollyrobber.bsky.social
Thoughts from the dark side of a married man. It is what it is and I ain't shit. (Not) New & (Certainly Not) Improved
bsky.app/profile/jollyrobber.bsky.social/search
My Musings
https://tinyurl.com/2p9ruj7u
Best? Of
https://tinyurl.com/mry4284p
bsky.app/profile/jollyrobber.bsky.social/search
My Musings
https://tinyurl.com/2p9ruj7u
Best? Of
https://tinyurl.com/mry4284p
Pinned
Hell yes I'm recycling all my tweets on Bluesky. Why should I come up with new garbage when I already have this garbage?
Reposted by 🏴☠️ Jollyrobber 🏴☠️
I don’t ❤️ you any less, but some of you need to adjust your meds.
November 12, 2025 at 2:12 AM
I don’t ❤️ you any less, but some of you need to adjust your meds.
Reposted by 🏴☠️ Jollyrobber 🏴☠️
you're at butch
i need you at sundance
i need you at sundance
You're at Turner.
I need you at Hooch.
I need you at Hooch.
You're at Louise.
I need you at Thelma.
I need you at Thelma.
November 12, 2025 at 2:34 AM
you're at butch
i need you at sundance
i need you at sundance
Reposted by 🏴☠️ Jollyrobber 🏴☠️
Disney in the 70s was awesome, but always loved "Robin Hood"
November 12, 2025 at 2:26 AM
Disney in the 70s was awesome, but always loved "Robin Hood"
Reposted by 🏴☠️ Jollyrobber 🏴☠️
Axl Rose told Slash it may be time for him to bury the hat shit.
November 8, 2025 at 6:05 PM
Axl Rose told Slash it may be time for him to bury the hat shit.
Reposted by 🏴☠️ Jollyrobber 🏴☠️
I've written the book on getting out of jury duty titled Now, If You'll Excuse Me.
November 9, 2025 at 10:37 PM
I've written the book on getting out of jury duty titled Now, If You'll Excuse Me.
Reposted by 🏴☠️ Jollyrobber 🏴☠️
For the budget conscious, the Tiffany Christmas catalogue has a section listing gifts for under $100 thousand.
November 9, 2025 at 1:55 PM
For the budget conscious, the Tiffany Christmas catalogue has a section listing gifts for under $100 thousand.
Reposted by 🏴☠️ Jollyrobber 🏴☠️
Wait. Wasn't Autopen that Peanuts character who could never stay clean?
November 9, 2025 at 5:06 PM
Wait. Wasn't Autopen that Peanuts character who could never stay clean?
Reposted by 🏴☠️ Jollyrobber 🏴☠️
Wife: I'm going to call my sister in Germany. What time do you think it's there?
Me: Stop. Hamburg time.
Wife: I'll call her tomorrow.
Me: Stop. Hamburg time.
Wife: I'll call her tomorrow.
November 10, 2025 at 9:52 PM
Wife: I'm going to call my sister in Germany. What time do you think it's there?
Me: Stop. Hamburg time.
Wife: I'll call her tomorrow.
Me: Stop. Hamburg time.
Wife: I'll call her tomorrow.
Reposted by 🏴☠️ Jollyrobber 🏴☠️
My son asked me to explain why the song Cat's in the Cradle reminds me of our relationship but I said "Not today" and he said "That's okay."
November 10, 2025 at 8:42 PM
My son asked me to explain why the song Cat's in the Cradle reminds me of our relationship but I said "Not today" and he said "That's okay."
Reposted by 🏴☠️ Jollyrobber 🏴☠️
Me: Why were my tests so expensive?
Hospital: All of our equipment is state-of-the-art.
Me: Why did it take so long to send the results to my doctor?
Hospital: Our fax machine was down.
Hospital: All of our equipment is state-of-the-art.
Me: Why did it take so long to send the results to my doctor?
Hospital: Our fax machine was down.
November 10, 2025 at 11:37 PM
Me: Why were my tests so expensive?
Hospital: All of our equipment is state-of-the-art.
Me: Why did it take so long to send the results to my doctor?
Hospital: Our fax machine was down.
Hospital: All of our equipment is state-of-the-art.
Me: Why did it take so long to send the results to my doctor?
Hospital: Our fax machine was down.
Reposted by 🏴☠️ Jollyrobber 🏴☠️
Another unrealistic body standard for women.
November 11, 2025 at 11:11 PM
Another unrealistic body standard for women.
Reposted by 🏴☠️ Jollyrobber 🏴☠️
some girls are sugar and spice and everything nice,
i'm nonsense and shenanigans and whatever was in Kurt Cobain's cardigans
i'm nonsense and shenanigans and whatever was in Kurt Cobain's cardigans
November 8, 2025 at 12:09 AM
some girls are sugar and spice and everything nice,
i'm nonsense and shenanigans and whatever was in Kurt Cobain's cardigans
i'm nonsense and shenanigans and whatever was in Kurt Cobain's cardigans
Reposted by 🏴☠️ Jollyrobber 🏴☠️
Playing your buttcheeks like bongos for half an hour would fix me
November 10, 2025 at 6:07 PM
Playing your buttcheeks like bongos for half an hour would fix me
Reposted by 🏴☠️ Jollyrobber 🏴☠️
Having my butt cheeks played like bongos for half an hour would fix me.
Playing your buttcheeks like bongos for half an hour would fix me
November 10, 2025 at 6:18 PM
Having my butt cheeks played like bongos for half an hour would fix me.
Reposted by 🏴☠️ Jollyrobber 🏴☠️
I talk a lot of shit for someone whose tummy looks like bread dough that got forgotten in a kitchen overnight.
November 11, 2025 at 10:43 PM
I talk a lot of shit for someone whose tummy looks like bread dough that got forgotten in a kitchen overnight.
Reposted by 🏴☠️ Jollyrobber 🏴☠️
Putting myself out there like…
November 12, 2025 at 1:02 AM
Putting myself out there like…
Reposted by 🏴☠️ Jollyrobber 🏴☠️
sending me a DM is a virtual and contractual agreement that anything you say can and will be used in a screenshot where I make jokes at your expense
November 10, 2025 at 10:55 PM
sending me a DM is a virtual and contractual agreement that anything you say can and will be used in a screenshot where I make jokes at your expense
Reposted by 🏴☠️ Jollyrobber 🏴☠️
Oh you thought I didn't have more? There are at least 1k hilarious accts on this app and I know all their middle names, okay?
November 10, 2025 at 1:36 PM
Oh you thought I didn't have more? There are at least 1k hilarious accts on this app and I know all their middle names, okay?
Reposted by 🏴☠️ Jollyrobber 🏴☠️
Me, when I’m watching something filmed where I live and I recognize neighborhoods where I’ve bought drugs:
November 10, 2025 at 10:26 PM
Me, when I’m watching something filmed where I live and I recognize neighborhoods where I’ve bought drugs:
Reposted by 🏴☠️ Jollyrobber 🏴☠️
Him: babe, do you want to go to a cheese tasting?
Me:
Me:
November 4, 2025 at 12:09 AM
Him: babe, do you want to go to a cheese tasting?
Me:
Me:
Reposted by 🏴☠️ Jollyrobber 🏴☠️
Met Mabel the koala today and she did not disappoint
November 6, 2025 at 9:43 AM
Met Mabel the koala today and she did not disappoint
Reposted by 🏴☠️ Jollyrobber 🏴☠️
I, state name here, do solemnly swear to shitpost to the best of my ability until further notice
November 10, 2025 at 1:11 PM
I, state name here, do solemnly swear to shitpost to the best of my ability until further notice
Reposted by 🏴☠️ Jollyrobber 🏴☠️
What fictional creature/villain traumatized you as a kid?
November 12, 2025 at 2:10 AM
What fictional creature/villain traumatized you as a kid?
Reposted by 🏴☠️ Jollyrobber 🏴☠️
PSA: Dude, dude, if she’s in the pub with another man leave her the fuck alone.
November 12, 2025 at 9:39 AM
PSA: Dude, dude, if she’s in the pub with another man leave her the fuck alone.
Reposted by 🏴☠️ Jollyrobber 🏴☠️
Imagine how gentle we would be with each other if our skeletons were made of meringue.
November 8, 2025 at 10:05 AM
Imagine how gentle we would be with each other if our skeletons were made of meringue.