Every day I think I’ve hit the theoretical limit of snot and kid grime I can get on my clothes and the next day we level right on up

The existential questions of parenthood are so humbling.

What is “world”?

Watching the slightly socially awkward but nice boys you were friends with from high school become great dads has become one of the greatest joys of social media for me.

I have convinced my toddler he can control his dreaming by keeping his eyes closed and reciting his intention but only if he’s alone in the room.

One of the weirder parts of being a parent in the modern digital era is the correlation of viral memes during critical periods/memories

Little one is sitting on my lap next to the fireplace eating a second breakfast of blueberry pancake and making faces at herself on front facing camera, this is one of my fav times of day and I’m so glad Harvey is in school rn so we can have some 1:1 time

Nothing sweeter than a spicy niece asleep on your shoulder 🩵

In 15 years my kids and I will all talk shit about elf on a shelf I’m sure of it

Just MENSA texts

My toxic trait is judging bad turkeys on thanksgiving look at this girl sparkle

Big kid is starting to learn how to be a dog friend and it’s wholesome

We don't do Thanksgiving at our house because it encourages dependency. Here it's Thanksearning

Work might get me to say yes more often if they ask for my availability after the check drops

Happy to all who celebrate