Which proves me to one core thing I need to believe: these incremental improvements have a future.

Treating my sadness with my addictions did not.

One path leads toward more and better things, the other was away from that.

So yeah this is hard for now, and that's ok.

#soberlife #recoveryposse

And honestly, it sucks. A lot. Feeling things through, and making peace with their existence, and why they exist, is fucking hard and joyless work.

But every time it gets just a teeny tiny bit easier. Every time I feel just a little less shitty after.

But now when I start indulging in shame and guilt patterns, and feel the urge to mute it, I try to sit quietly and focus on the feelings.

I observe where they are coming from, I watch where they go, what they do to me on their way, and respect them for what they are.

This has become my new refuge.

Yeah I can feel the danger. The soft naivete of doing well lends to delusions of harmless social drinking. I have great support at home, and consequences if I drink that I cannot bear, so it passes. But I would drink given the opportunity. I need the internal strength that meetings give.

These are all truths for me, and they came from other alcoholics mouths.

I attended my first meeting last night, and I came away with a connection I knew I needed, but no clue how bad.

I walked in nervous hunched and sweaty, walked away a bit lighter and stronger.

#sobersky #sober #recoveryposse

Zelda special editions

I'm a little nervous, but not entirely sure why.