Chris Jasko
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jasko.bsky.social
Chris Jasko
@jasko.bsky.social
140 followers 680 following 48 posts
I write. I doodle. I colorblind. Opinions are mine, so keep your hands off. Fight me on the Crew BigSoccer forum, coward.

My brain is broken — https://clanoftheduck.neocities.org
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jasko.bsky.social
Happy Helloween, kiddos!

#hellisreal
it's a poorly photoshopped faux movie poster riffing on "Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers" in honor of the columbus-cincinnati mls soccer rivalry series known colloquially as hell is real you see, it's funny because the title has been changed to HELLoween, as a play on hell is real, and the subhead has been altered to "the curse of daniel gazdag", and that's humourous because gazdag, who was a prolific scorer for the philadelphia union, has struggled to make an impact in the crew's attack... and so the implication is that he's cursed or something also, instead of the iconic michael myers mask, daniel gazdag's visage, flanked by a scary knife, is on the poster some other fun little touches are the new tagline, "true terror never scores", which is another poke at gazdag, and, instead of saying "coming soon" at the bottom of the poster, which is what you'd likely expect for a movie poster, the text reads "GOALING SOON?", which again, is another little goof about gazdag anywho, fc cincy sucks go crew
October 31, 2025 at 4:03 PM
jasko.bsky.social
Oh no, @mjdonnelly.bsky.social, we got old.
An ancient photograph shows four fresh-faced teens seated at a table as they pose for the camera. They don't believe time will come for them, but it will. HARD. One child pretends to be asleep as he flips off the camera. He is not as cool as he thinks he is.
September 20, 2025 at 5:10 PM
jasko.bsky.social
ope
steam no work me want silksong give me now
September 4, 2025 at 2:00 PM
jasko.bsky.social
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
June 20, 2025 at 2:23 AM
jasko.bsky.social
Maybe a little hope.
presumptive canadian PM and conservative leader pierre poilievre smiles as he loses his seat in carleton during the 2025 election the cbc shows poilievre trailing his liberal opponent, bruce fanjoy, by 3,793 votes oooooh nooooo
April 29, 2025 at 1:38 PM
jasko.bsky.social
repost the first album you bought with your own money

this is not a joke
album cover art for john tesh's 1994 compilation album "sax by the fire" the artwork features a saxophone leaning (seductively) against a blazing fireplace the saxophone is bathed in a lusty red (i think? i'm colorblind) light, and the flames wrap tightly around the logs in the fireplace much like two lovers entwined the album slaps
April 17, 2025 at 5:08 AM
jasko.bsky.social
former USMNT manager Gregg "Gigi" Berhalter smiling posted for no reason in particular
March 21, 2025 at 1:00 AM
jasko.bsky.social
everything bad bad not good, bake bread
a fresh loaf of sourdough bread awaits consumption on a cooling rack a banneton, bamboo cutting board, towel, and pumpkin (for some reason) clutter the flour-dusted table in the background some idiot didn't do a good job of brushing excess flour off the dough before baking it he will improve
February 20, 2025 at 3:18 PM
jasko.bsky.social
quack
guillermo—a bright yellow, 3D-printed duck figuirine—rests on a faux-wood desktop guillermo urges you to drink plenty of water
February 18, 2025 at 4:11 PM
jasko.bsky.social
I HAD LOTS OF COFFEE TODAY
a cup of freshly brewed, piping-hot coffee in a white mug with blue decorations depicting an old fashioned spice grinder, butter churn, lantern, and flowers(?) rests on a restored wood bar at salt block biscuit co the vibes are cute the coffee is tasty order a cinnamon roll or a biscuit and gravy
February 13, 2025 at 2:06 AM
jasko.bsky.social
a mustard-colored t-shirt—designed & printed in columbus, ohio by the fine folks at supporter supply co.—warns you—NAY!—commands you to not listen to aces radio, a garbage buffalo bills podcast produced by a bunch of ignorant sluts
January 28, 2025 at 4:51 PM
jasko.bsky.social
mistakes will be made
a tallboy of rhinegeist truth bomb, a 9.5% imperial ipa, is held above a grungy faux wood floor a yellow lab puppy, softly focused in the background, watches and awaits the impending mistakes the drinker will make
January 21, 2025 at 5:15 AM
jasko.bsky.social
blem honk shoo honk shoo
cali, a barf-eating yellow lab pup, sleeps peacefully on the rug the tip of her tongue sticks out of her mouth as she probably dreams of eating more puke she will probably lick my face a bunch in the morning and i won't mind too much
January 10, 2025 at 4:55 AM
jasko.bsky.social
zac taylor after missing the playoffs for the second straight season
cincinnati bengals head coach zac taylor as the hot dog suit guy from the popular I Think You Should Leave with Tim Robinson sketch, "Hot Dog Car" he is saying "we're all trying to find the guy who did this" after the team went 9-8 and missed the playoffs for the second straight season coincidentally, i think zac taylor should leave
January 6, 2025 at 9:15 PM
jasko.bsky.social
You've been kidnapped. The characters from the last TV show you watched are trying to rescue you. Who is coming to save you?
fran, bernard, and manny stand outside black books, ready to rescue me i am doomed
January 5, 2025 at 6:51 PM
jasko.bsky.social
It's very cold, my knee hurts, and I am happy.
January 4, 2025 at 6:02 PM
jasko.bsky.social
Love to see an absolute unit
a big black cow (or steer, I dunno) stands in a snow-dusted field, just off the road, in some rural Ohio town he is perfect
January 4, 2025 at 4:11 PM
jasko.bsky.social
a man (me) lays belly-down on a hardwood floor near a fireplace—torn wrapping paper, empty boxes, and other evidence of gift-giving surround the man he is wearing stylish socks, charcoal pants, a navy quarter-zip sweater, and a plastic bag on his head he is tired. DEAD TIRED.
December 26, 2024 at 6:58 PM
jasko.bsky.social
Worn out from all the war crimes (getting on the couch and eating trash)
Cali, a yellow English lab puppy, sleeps on the cold hardwood floor instead of her comfy bed (reasons unknown) after causing mayhem in the house all morning she's innocent of all charges and perfect
December 19, 2024 at 4:54 PM
jasko.bsky.social
logging on to check the latest Columbus Crew news
December 18, 2024 at 3:16 PM
jasko.bsky.social
This is bullshit. Mozart didn't even send me a video.
Spotify Wrapped list showing Mozart as my top artist with 8,580 minutes listened, placing me in the top 0.05% of listeners worldwide Mozart looks kinda disgusted at my accomplishment Spotify Wrapped list of my top artists—Mozart, Lisa Beckley, Elena Filipova, Magdalena Hajossyova, and Peter Mikulas—and top songs—Lacrimosa, Seasons (Waiting on You), Real Love Baby, End of Beginning, and King of Sweden—from 2024. I WAS BROODING OKAY
December 4, 2024 at 5:41 PM
jasko.bsky.social
Happy Hog Monday
December 2, 2024 at 7:32 PM
jasko.bsky.social
Introduce yourself with four footballers
a very sexy pablo mastroeni stares at you, his eyes full of longing, while posing on an aluminum bench, a bit of his flank is exposed above his white pants clint mathis leans toward the camera, his lips slightly parted as if to say, "kiss me, you fool." His shirt is really nice, too. landon donovan, a very thirsty boy, gazes into your eyes just before slurping up a refreshing drunk from an iconic water fountain columbus crew legend brian mcbride poses legendarily next to a fence. he wears legendary pants, too
November 21, 2024 at 12:54 AM
jasko.bsky.social
Praise the sun.
September 13, 2024 at 1:24 AM
jasko.bsky.social
September 12, 2024 at 2:20 AM