I Hide From My Kids
@ihidefrommykids.bsky.social
Someone once told me I was kind of funny, for a mom.
There are two types of middle-aged people: The ones who point out the assholes who drive like maniacs and end up at the same red light anyway and the ones who don’t drive.
July 18, 2025 at 7:56 PM
There are two types of middle-aged people: The ones who point out the assholes who drive like maniacs and end up at the same red light anyway and the ones who don’t drive.
Reposted by I Hide From My Kids
I sense Sticky Nicki before I even see her. She stumbles like a bear that’s caught their head in the honey pot.
By @ihidefrommykids.bsky.social
medium.com/frazzled/my-...
By @ihidefrommykids.bsky.social
medium.com/frazzled/my-...
My Daughter Got Invited to a Sex Party
I’ll probably let her go
medium.com
July 17, 2025 at 12:13 PM
I sense Sticky Nicki before I even see her. She stumbles like a bear that’s caught their head in the honey pot.
By @ihidefrommykids.bsky.social
medium.com/frazzled/my-...
By @ihidefrommykids.bsky.social
medium.com/frazzled/my-...
My niece is taking driving lessons and my 10yo with an air of authority declared driving is easy you just push the pedal and call everyone “idiot”.
May 23, 2025 at 11:57 AM
My niece is taking driving lessons and my 10yo with an air of authority declared driving is easy you just push the pedal and call everyone “idiot”.
Note to parents: Asking your teen to check if a package arrived does not imply they should also bring it inside. I know this now.
April 29, 2025 at 12:34 AM
Note to parents: Asking your teen to check if a package arrived does not imply they should also bring it inside. I know this now.
I bet my daughter a quarter that she couldn’t get ready in under five minutes. She won, but I won more.
April 5, 2025 at 2:00 PM
I bet my daughter a quarter that she couldn’t get ready in under five minutes. She won, but I won more.
My kid loves unnecessary abbreviations which is how she ended up telling our neighbour she spent the afternoon jumping on our new tramp.
April 4, 2025 at 12:31 AM
My kid loves unnecessary abbreviations which is how she ended up telling our neighbour she spent the afternoon jumping on our new tramp.
Reposted by I Hide From My Kids
The last time my daughter played at Tyler’s house his mom fed them iced tea and candy. My daughter returned amped up like she’d chased a bottle of Adderall with a case of Prime energy drink.
By @ihidefrommykids.bsky.social
medium.com/frazzled/my-...
By @ihidefrommykids.bsky.social
medium.com/frazzled/my-...
My Kid’s Friend Doesn’t Want to Play At Our House Anymore
It was all part of the plan
medium.com
March 31, 2025 at 5:52 PM
The last time my daughter played at Tyler’s house his mom fed them iced tea and candy. My daughter returned amped up like she’d chased a bottle of Adderall with a case of Prime energy drink.
By @ihidefrommykids.bsky.social
medium.com/frazzled/my-...
By @ihidefrommykids.bsky.social
medium.com/frazzled/my-...
I wanted to put my husband’s birthday presents where he wouldn’t see them so I placed them on the stairs.
March 26, 2025 at 3:19 PM
I wanted to put my husband’s birthday presents where he wouldn’t see them so I placed them on the stairs.
Introvert: I’ll send you a screenshot on how to do it.
Extrovert: Let’s hop on a call.
Extrovert: Let’s hop on a call.
February 8, 2025 at 6:14 PM
Introvert: I’ll send you a screenshot on how to do it.
Extrovert: Let’s hop on a call.
Extrovert: Let’s hop on a call.
Reposted by I Hide From My Kids
"I brace myself, slide my greasy pizza finger along the screen, and answer the call. A small voice belonging to my nine-year-old daughter is on the other end of my tentative hello."
By @ihidefrommykids.bsky.social
medium.com/frazzled/mom...
By @ihidefrommykids.bsky.social
medium.com/frazzled/mom...
Mommy, If Someone Spat in Your Lunch Would You Still Eat It?
A Harrowing Choose Your Own Adventure!
medium.com
February 5, 2025 at 1:15 PM
"I brace myself, slide my greasy pizza finger along the screen, and answer the call. A small voice belonging to my nine-year-old daughter is on the other end of my tentative hello."
By @ihidefrommykids.bsky.social
medium.com/frazzled/mom...
By @ihidefrommykids.bsky.social
medium.com/frazzled/mom...
Last night I didn’t eat chips before bed and I had a terrible sleep so I think we all know what this means.
January 22, 2025 at 3:52 AM
Last night I didn’t eat chips before bed and I had a terrible sleep so I think we all know what this means.
Therapist: have you tried meditation?
Me: sure, sometimes when the kids scream my mind goes blank and I float above my body
Therapist: that’s dissociation
Me: potato, potato
Me: sure, sometimes when the kids scream my mind goes blank and I float above my body
Therapist: that’s dissociation
Me: potato, potato
January 14, 2025 at 12:15 PM
Therapist: have you tried meditation?
Me: sure, sometimes when the kids scream my mind goes blank and I float above my body
Therapist: that’s dissociation
Me: potato, potato
Me: sure, sometimes when the kids scream my mind goes blank and I float above my body
Therapist: that’s dissociation
Me: potato, potato
Are you even a mom if you don’t respond, “Thanks, I showered” in response to a compliment about your hair?
January 9, 2025 at 4:33 PM
Are you even a mom if you don’t respond, “Thanks, I showered” in response to a compliment about your hair?
My teen forgot his lunch so I asked if there’s anything he needs to remember to bring to school today and he responded “a positive mindset”. I’m dead.
January 8, 2025 at 10:13 PM
My teen forgot his lunch so I asked if there’s anything he needs to remember to bring to school today and he responded “a positive mindset”. I’m dead.
Reposted by I Hide From My Kids
We're a bit late, but here is the most-read piece on Frazzled in 2024 by @ihidefrommykids.bsky.social!
medium.com/frazzled/my-...
medium.com/frazzled/my-...
My Kid’s Friend Isn’t Allowed At Our House Anymore
She’s a total narc
medium.com
January 3, 2025 at 5:33 PM
We're a bit late, but here is the most-read piece on Frazzled in 2024 by @ihidefrommykids.bsky.social!
medium.com/frazzled/my-...
medium.com/frazzled/my-...
“New year, new me” I whisper to myself as I reach for a bottle of tequila instead of wine.
December 31, 2024 at 9:57 PM
“New year, new me” I whisper to myself as I reach for a bottle of tequila instead of wine.
Reposted by I Hide From My Kids
December 28, 2024 at 4:11 PM
All I want for the holidays is alone time but surrounded by family, good food that won’t hurt my stomach, late night fun but early to sleep, a white Christmas that’s also warm, and the gift of mortgage forgiveness. Is that too much to ask?
December 23, 2024 at 9:27 PM
All I want for the holidays is alone time but surrounded by family, good food that won’t hurt my stomach, late night fun but early to sleep, a white Christmas that’s also warm, and the gift of mortgage forgiveness. Is that too much to ask?
Me: I might buy a SAD lamp
9yo: why don’t you want a happy one?
9yo: why don’t you want a happy one?
December 15, 2024 at 5:31 PM
Me: I might buy a SAD lamp
9yo: why don’t you want a happy one?
9yo: why don’t you want a happy one?
Reposted by I Hide From My Kids
It’s so important that us moms carrying the invisible load take time to declutter our homes and our minds.
By @ihidefrommykids.bsky.social
medium.com/frazzled/mom...
By @ihidefrommykids.bsky.social
medium.com/frazzled/mom...
Momfluencers Are Just Like You… But Better!
Now excuse me while I go cry in my car and livestream it
medium.com
December 13, 2024 at 7:53 PM
It’s so important that us moms carrying the invisible load take time to declutter our homes and our minds.
By @ihidefrommykids.bsky.social
medium.com/frazzled/mom...
By @ihidefrommykids.bsky.social
medium.com/frazzled/mom...
When my 9yo yells, “I don’t understand my math!” And from the kitchen I yell, “Read it out to me!”
And the math’s like: If Joaquin and Saorise split ceviche—
And the math’s like: If Joaquin and Saorise split ceviche—
December 3, 2024 at 1:48 PM
When my 9yo yells, “I don’t understand my math!” And from the kitchen I yell, “Read it out to me!”
And the math’s like: If Joaquin and Saorise split ceviche—
And the math’s like: If Joaquin and Saorise split ceviche—
One day I’m going to write a story about a mom who confesses to a murder each and every night while calling her family for dinner but gets away with it because nobody ever pays attention to her calls.
November 25, 2024 at 10:43 PM
One day I’m going to write a story about a mom who confesses to a murder each and every night while calling her family for dinner but gets away with it because nobody ever pays attention to her calls.
I found myself sitting beside the doctor who delivered me 42 years ago so I asked “do you remember me?” and he looked at me and deadpanned “it’s hard to tell when you’re wearing clothes”.
November 19, 2024 at 3:36 AM
I found myself sitting beside the doctor who delivered me 42 years ago so I asked “do you remember me?” and he looked at me and deadpanned “it’s hard to tell when you’re wearing clothes”.
My kids and I play this fun game where I wake up early to enjoy a coffee alone and they wake up earlier to make sure that I don’t.
November 17, 2024 at 1:29 PM
My kids and I play this fun game where I wake up early to enjoy a coffee alone and they wake up earlier to make sure that I don’t.
I've been texting with "Isla's mom" for 3 years. When is a good time to ask her her name?
September 22, 2023 at 5:23 PM
I've been texting with "Isla's mom" for 3 years. When is a good time to ask her her name?