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heavyplates.bsky.social
Heavy Plates
@heavyplates.bsky.social
120 followers 190 following 990 posts
Houston, TX. Formerly of Austin and the bird app. Not as many chefs and bands these days. Still trying to lift heavy shit. Go 'Stros. GenX 🌈 🦄
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heavyplates.bsky.social
thanks Vogue for inventing how we spent our 2010s
A woman in a long white coat struts across the tarmac beside a jet engine, hair whipping like she just filed for divorce mid-boarding. One hand grips her bag, the other swings free. Every inch of her says "late for a flight, early for reinvention."
November 2, 2025 at 4:01 AM
heavyplates.bsky.social
New Greg Bear novel
A screenshot of a WIRED magazine headline with a black background and white text. The headline reads: “Mystery Object From ‘Space’ Strikes United Airlines Flight Over Utah.” The subheading states: “Government investigators are gathering data to confirm what exactly cracked the windshield of a 737 Max aircraft at above 30,000 feet.” The category label above the headline says “Air Force.”
October 20, 2025 at 8:38 PM
heavyplates.bsky.social
Oh honey, y'all need a gay friend.
COSMOPOLITAN article follows Love Sex Women have long been having sex on the first date — so why do some of us still feel shamed? Recent stats show that just 5% of women see sex on a first date as positive or somewhat positive in terms of a relationship's future
October 18, 2025 at 9:58 PM
heavyplates.bsky.social
Brothers in case you didn't know
Louis Varland of the Toronto Blue Jays Augustus "Gus" Varland of Arizona Diamondbacks
October 18, 2025 at 12:42 AM
heavyplates.bsky.social
I guess someone is learning about checksums for the first time
Apple News+ card showing a Scientific American article titled “The Math Trick Hidden in Your Credit Card Number” by Jack Murtagh. The image on the right shows a person with pink nail polish placing a red credit card into a gray wallet.
October 17, 2025 at 6:53 PM
heavyplates.bsky.social
See alt text for more. Taken in Minato Shimbashi Tokyo March 2013.
Decorative Japanese manhole cover showing two cartoon firefighters in helmets spraying water from a hose toward a burning cityscape. The background features stylized buildings and a circular emblem resembling the sun. The cover has a dotted border and the Japanese characters 消火栓 (shōkasen), meaning ‘fire hydrant,’ across the top
October 14, 2025 at 1:44 AM
heavyplates.bsky.social
If this game were a cat
i.kym-cdn.com/photos/image...
October 11, 2025 at 5:09 AM
heavyplates.bsky.social
LOL
A Defector article headline reads “I Too Would Hit My Opponent With A Baseball To Eliminate The Astros From The Playoffs” by Kelsey McKinney, published September 28, 2025, at 8:42 AM. Below the headline is a photo from a baseball game: a batter in a white and red uniform braces as he is struck by a pitched ball, while the catcher in blue gear and the umpire crouch behind home plate, with a packed stadium of fans in the background.
September 28, 2025 at 8:38 PM
heavyplates.bsky.social
alt text for more
Box score graphic of the Houston Astros vs. Oakland Athletics game on June 17, 2025, at Sutter Health Park. Final score: Astros 13, Athletics 3. Astros record improves to 42-31, Athletics fall to 30-45. Attendance: 8,315. Astros scored in nearly every inning (2 in the 1st, 1 in the 2nd, 2 in the 4th, 4 in the 5th, 2 in the 7th, 2 in the 8th). Athletics scored all 3 runs in the 7th. Hits: Astros 15, Athletics 4. Errors: Astros 1, Athletics 1. Winning pitcher: Jason Alexander (1-0). Losing pitcher: JP Sears (5-6). Game duration: 2 hours 48 minutes.
September 25, 2025 at 10:36 PM
heavyplates.bsky.social
Best I can do.
Bar-S Jumbo Jumbos, the four-pack solution for when you’re a self-declared redneck who just wants three hot dogs but refuses to mess with your freezer or fancy boutique brands. Big, cheap, and unapologetically pork-chicken mystery tubes. Because math and moderation aren’t part of the Bar-S lifestyle.
September 20, 2025 at 1:46 AM
heavyplates.bsky.social
I stumbled on these several weeks ago. Sadly, I showed restraint, otherwise I'd destroy the Pop-Tarts. I imagine the Milanos would disappoint because the only acceptable flavor is mint.
Image 1 (Pop-Tarts): A store shelf display of limited edition Pop-Tarts Frosted Pumpkin Pie toaster pastries. The bright orange and blue boxes feature a picture of a frosted pastry with autumn-colored sprinkles, alongside a slice of pumpkin pie illustration. Each box contains 8 pastries, priced at $4.99. Image 2 (Milano Cookies): Packages of Pepperidge Farm Milano Pumpkin Spice flavored cookies on a store shelf. The seasonal packaging is decorated with orange leaves and labeled “Autumn Exclusive.” Each bag contains 15 cookies and is priced at $5.89.
September 17, 2025 at 8:25 PM
heavyplates.bsky.social
"But AI iS cOMing fOr yOUR jeRB"

Alt text for snark
Q&A with Siri in iOS 26: My question: What time is sunset on Monday, September 29? Siri's fail: I can't check the weather that far out. So I asked ChatGPT WTF: What you’re seeing is a mismatch between astronomy and weather. • Sunrise/sunset times are purely astronomical and can be calculated precisely for any location and date decades in advance. September 29 in Houston 2025 is locked in at about 7:10 PM CDT for sunset. • Weather apps/assistants (like Siri in your screenshot) often bundle “sunset” into the same category as forecast data. Since forecasts can’t go out reliably more than ~10–14 days, the assistant throws the “can’t check the weather that far out” error instead of giving you the predictable astronomical answer. So nothing is actually wrong with the sunset time—it’s just that Siri is conflating two different domains (forecast vs fixed celestial event).
September 17, 2025 at 2:36 AM
heavyplates.bsky.social
Found David Flores mural in Montrose. See alt for more info. IG: skeez181

I want this for our garage. Do you think the Woodland Heights people would bitch about it? 😂
Mural painted on a corrugated metal garage door in Montrose, Houston. The artwork features a cartoon cheerleader in an orange-and-white outfit with “Houston” across her chest and large yellow pom-poms. Above her reads “H-TOWN” in bold letters, with the Houston Astros star logo on the upper right. To the left, Beavis and Butt-Head stand side by side, one wearing a Rockets shirt, the other smirking. The background is bright yellow and orange with comic-style bursts. Artwork signed “Skeez181.”
September 8, 2025 at 4:33 AM
heavyplates.bsky.social
This will never not be funny.
Two barrel-chested infielders, Rowdy Tellez in Brewers powder blue and Daniel Vogelbach in Pirates road gray, stand shoulder to shoulder like a casting call for “large sons of the Midwest.” Someone has stamped a “BEAR FILMS” logo in the corner, just in case the joke was too subtle.
September 6, 2025 at 4:15 AM
heavyplates.bsky.social
I was, and still am, a massive cunt…

There. I fixed it.
Giant cunt Ronny Jackson on the X winging about: I was, and still am, a retired U.S. Navy Rear Admiral, and Joe Biden is a retired old FOOL. After the Biden administration’s politically motivated attacks against me, I am pleased to share that my military rank has been fully restored
September 4, 2025 at 3:52 PM
heavyplates.bsky.social
*rolls eyes*

Such a ridiculous and unnecessary email
Idiotic email from BKV Energy that reads: We've received your payment of $195.18 and credited it to your account. Well done on being an exemplary customer! We love hearing from all our customers (but especially ones like you). If you have any questions, give us a call at (855) BKV-4-PWR (855-258-4797), or use our online portal at account.bkvenergy.com. Thank you for being a great customer. The Team at BKV Energy
August 21, 2025 at 2:46 PM
heavyplates.bsky.social
For me…
That’s a classic Wise “Cheez Waffies” bag—waffle-textured cheese sandwiches with the stylized Wise owl eye logo front and center. The owl’s eye, a nod to their “Peppy” mascot, has been a signature element of the Wise brand—he even inspired the name. The snack itself—crispy waffle wafers with a cheese filling—debuted in the 1980s and cultivated a strong nostalgic following, though it’s since been discontinued.
August 21, 2025 at 5:33 AM
heavyplates.bsky.social
Well, this fucking sucks. Guy Pearce said it better:

"Fairwell dear Tel. You were a true inspiration, both in & out of heels. We’ll always have Kings Canyon, Kings road & F’ing ABBA. Wishing you well on your way ‘Ralph’! xxxx💕"
August 18, 2025 at 5:22 AM
heavyplates.bsky.social
Nope. Absolutely not. No way.
The image is a visual satire of classic “preppy” style, labeled THE ORIGINAL PREPPY. It’s formatted like a diagram, breaking down the iconic look with wry, slightly mocking annotations. Here’s a quick rundown of the labeled elements: Hair tousled and modestly voluminous → Think controlled mess — effort disguised as nonchalance. Air of benign entitlement a bonus → A pitch-perfect line. “Benign” suggests you’re harmless; “entitlement” says you still expect the best table at the club. Fisherman’s sweater over the shoulders → Caption: “The Vineyard gets chilly at night.” This is textbook Northeast summer money signaling — Martha’s Vineyard, not Bass Pro Shops. Collar popped → An enduring emblem of prep smugness, popularized by the likes of The Official Preppy Handbook. Belt up where possible → Not necessarily to hold anything up, but to suggest preparedness — a Boy Scout meets Brooks Brothers mentality. Trousers expensive but casually shabby → Old money hallmark: if it’s new, hide it. Wrinkles and faded seams aren’t flaws — they’re credentials. Irreverent all-over motif optional → Think tiny whales, lobsters, or martini glasses. Bonus points if the pattern is self-awarely obnoxious. The Esquire piece by Tim Lewis — “Preppy style is back – again – but what actually is it, and why does it always work?” — likely explores the cyclical nature of prep fashion, its cultural resilience, and why it’s often imitated but rarely duplicated with the same ease. It probably touches on the blend of conservatism, irony, and comfort that makes preppy fashion feel both safe and smug — a costume for people who don’t think they’re wearing one. This image isn’t just fashion commentary — it’s character analysis. Each label hints at the psychology of preppy style: privilege, effortful ease, and a refusal to look like you’re trying (even when you obviously are). The combination of deadpan tone and surgical specificity nails the genre.
July 30, 2025 at 5:00 PM
heavyplates.bsky.social
This does not bode well …

In the same vein as just believe women, I'm inclined to just believe employees, particularly of small businesses. Who can't seem to get their 💩 together.
July 25, 2025 at 8:19 PM
heavyplates.bsky.social
ICYWW about Ohtani's popularity in 🇯🇵 …
A large vertical airport banner for KOSÉ’s SEKKISEI sunscreen, featuring a close-up of a man with clear skin and styled dark hair (Japanese baseball star Shohei Ohtani). He is extending his hand slightly forward, smiling confidently. The ad text reads: “Are You Ready?” and promotes “Ultimate performance sunscreen” with SPF 50+ and PA++++. A blue tube of the product is displayed next to his face. The setting appears to be inside Haneda Airport, with glass walls and a boarding gate visible in the background.
July 5, 2025 at 1:57 PM
heavyplates.bsky.social
Makati Kitty eats scattered kibble near the escalators at Greenbelt 5. Patchy fur, nicked ears, and calm focus hint at a life spent surviving in sleek, air-conditioned luxury. The marble gleams. The cat doesn’t care. Fashion was never the point.
A small, skinny white cat crouches low to the tiled floor of what looks like a shopping center or subway station, nibbling at a few scattered pieces of dry kibble. Its ears are nicked, fur a bit ragged, and it has the wary posture of a street survivor. Behind it, black marble columns and polished escalators hint at a posh environment that mostly ignores creatures like this one. The cat, however, is focused entirely on the moment: food now, safety later.
July 5, 2025 at 1:51 PM
heavyplates.bsky.social
Deep dive on Haneda-bro bound for SE Asia

It's not _wrong_ per se, and I'm loathe to gate-keep body ink, but…

Read the #alttext for a 'deep dive' whilst I go unlife myself for retyping 'deep dive' 🤦🏼‍♂️
The tattoo in the image features the two Chinese characters: • 家 (jiā) — meaning “home” or “family” • 族 (zú) — meaning “clan,” “tribe,” or “ethnic group” Together, 家族 (jiāzú) is a common compound meaning “family” in the broader, extended sense—think lineage, household, or kin group. It’s accurate and legible, and it does convey “family,” though with a slightly more formal or ancestral tone than the more intimate “immediate family” (which might be better expressed with 家庭 / jiātíng in certain contexts). TL;DR: • Not a fail — The tattoo is correctly written and culturally coherent. • Minor nuance — It emphasizes family as a unit or lineage, not “my kids and spouse” per se. • Common choice — You’ll see this phrase often in East Asian tattoos, especially when aiming for a sense of legacy, roots, or solidarity. Unless the wearer was aiming for “ride or die nuclear fam,” this isn’t a blunder. But if he thought it meant “my kids’ names but cooler,” that’s a touch off.
July 5, 2025 at 12:48 PM
heavyplates.bsky.social
Public safety warning about ヒアリ (fire ants, specifically the invasive Solenopsis invicta, or red imported fire ant). Read the alt for ALL the drama.
🔥 What It Is: Fire Ant Public Safety Alert The large image in the center shows a detailed anatomical diagram of a fire ant, with labels pointing out identifying features. This includes: • No spines on the thorax • Two bumps on the pedicel (waist) • Clubbed antenna tips • Reddish-brown body, darker abdomen It identifies the ant as: ヒアリ (Hiari) 特定外来生物 – “Designated Invasive Species” Native to: South America 🚫 What You’re Supposed to Do Large red warnings at the bottom say: • 見つけても決して触らないでください！ → Do not touch them if you see them! • 種類がわからないアリはむやみに殺さないでください。 → If you’re not sure about the species, don’t kill ants indiscriminately. This is trying to walk the line between caution and ecological responsibility. 😬 What Happens If You’re Stung? The top-right panel warns: 刺されるとどうなるの？ What happens if you get stung? • The sting is very painful • It may become seriously swollen • In some cases, it can trigger anaphylactic shock, especially in adults • If stung: See a doctor immediately 🐜 Ant Lookalikes There’s a color-coded comparison panel showing 4 ants: Ant Japanese Notes Black Garden Ant アリグモ Green border Acrobat Ant ヤガタアリグモ Red border Spiny Ant ハリアカアリグモ Blue border Fire Ant ヒアリ Purple border (Target species) It asks if you can “spot the difference,” presumably to prevent misidentification or overreaction. 🎯 Bottom Line This is a government-issued PSA meant to help: • Identify dangerous invasive fire ants • Avoid touching or provoking them • Prevent unnecessary killing of harmless species • Report sightings to authorities It’s part of Japan’s increasing awareness campaign about invasive species, as red imported fire ants have been found in shipping containers and ports in recent years — particularly in warmer areas like Kyushu and Osaka Bay.
July 4, 2025 at 11:17 AM
heavyplates.bsky.social
😂 🦜

ATTENTION

Please be careful of sparrows and pigeons looking for food.
Please do not feed them.

スズメやハトがいたずらをしてくる事があります。
パンなど食べ物を与えないようお願いいたします。
A sign at TY Harbor Brewery in Shinagawa warns guests not to feed the local birds. It features a sketch of a sparrow and reads, “ATTENTION: Please be careful of sparrows and pigeons looking for food. Please do not feed them,” followed by a Japanese translation. The sign is attached to a white railing draped with spiderwebs and fairy lights, with Tokyo’s high-rise skyline and a pedestrian bridge in the background. A peaceful evening at TY Harbor Brewery in Shinagawa, Tokyo. Two glasses of beer sit on an outdoor table overlooking a calm canal, with flowering plants in the foreground and modern apartment buildings rising across the water. The sky is tinged with soft clouds and the last light of day, reflecting the city’s quiet summer mood.
July 4, 2025 at 10:12 AM