monthly junker race on an oil-slicked raceway, sponsored by oil companies like pennzoil. disassembly contests sponsored by tool manufacturers like dewalt

get sponsors from local auto shops, car dealerships, even manufacturers. or car insurance companies. ‘geico — don’t let your rates go up, let your anger out instead’

“for an additional fee, customers can request custom make and models, participate in ‘pull-a-part’ events, enter or bid in mystery scrap raffles, and sip emotional support cocktails at our post-crash lounge, crasher’s”

“hey sharks!

we live in a world where stress is high and the cost of therapy is higher. crash-out is a safe, controlled, and legally cathartic environment where customers suit up and smash junk cars.”

the end of every week there’s a blind auction for vaguely named shipping containers filled with the leftover car and part remains. pay fifty bucks and get what you get, hopefully enough to make back your money in scrap

someone get me on shark tank

market it as a mental health service for grants.

“a therapeutic, community-building environment that provides stress relief, promotes recycling, and reclaims road trauma as empowerment through action.”

i’m callin it crash-out

at the end of every smash session there’s a content where you can pay twenty-five bucks and get fifteen minutes to take any car parts left — you can only use the tools you brought or rent them from the rage depot

have a dashcam? upload your best videos, hit the view/like threshold and get vouchers for free sessions. boom, free advertising

have a shitbox or a car you just don’t want anymore? trade it in for a quick buck or a waiver for a free round, or two depending on the trade-in value

my girl jaeger is sending soft and warm vibes ♡