i dont know how to explain the feeling. i retain a survival instinct, there are things about life that i enjoy, i think being alive is good. but i regularly find myself seized up with the desire to blow my brains out anyway. in defiance of all my conscious thoughts about why it's good to be alive.
November 5, 2025 at 4:55 PM
i dont know how to explain the feeling. i retain a survival instinct, there are things about life that i enjoy, i think being alive is good. but i regularly find myself seized up with the desire to blow my brains out anyway. in defiance of all my conscious thoughts about why it's good to be alive.
i dont mean to alarm anyone but i think the illegality of firearms is the only reason i haven't blown my head off this year
November 5, 2025 at 2:34 PM
i dont mean to alarm anyone but i think the illegality of firearms is the only reason i haven't blown my head off this year
if you told me i died in 2018 and have been in hell ever since i'd believe you. wouldn't even surprise me. but eh. solipsism only offers a temporary relief from the pain of living. your situation remains the same and remains functionally real even if you were in some sort of personal hell matrix
November 5, 2025 at 5:39 AM
if you told me i died in 2018 and have been in hell ever since i'd believe you. wouldn't even surprise me. but eh. solipsism only offers a temporary relief from the pain of living. your situation remains the same and remains functionally real even if you were in some sort of personal hell matrix
i went outside and feel less like a bitter cave hermit but im still baseline pissed off about the world
October 19, 2025 at 2:18 AM
i went outside and feel less like a bitter cave hermit but im still baseline pissed off about the world
today i hate everything and everyone and am mad that i exist at all. let alone that i exist as a social animal that has to actively participate in a world that mostly ends up pissing me off. i never thought i'd grow up so cynical.
October 18, 2025 at 5:48 AM
today i hate everything and everyone and am mad that i exist at all. let alone that i exist as a social animal that has to actively participate in a world that mostly ends up pissing me off. i never thought i'd grow up so cynical.
i am getting scared that my failure to get that root canal may have let the infection spread to my cheekbone. why does my cheekbone keep hurting so much. why the constant fever. i'm afraid!!
October 3, 2025 at 12:21 AM
i am getting scared that my failure to get that root canal may have let the infection spread to my cheekbone. why does my cheekbone keep hurting so much. why the constant fever. i'm afraid!!
no nicotine at work. why are we still here. just to suffer?
September 26, 2025 at 11:55 AM
no nicotine at work. why are we still here. just to suffer?
that was a really dramatic late night way to describe post traumatic stress disorder.
September 26, 2025 at 2:58 AM
that was a really dramatic late night way to describe post traumatic stress disorder.
not dying, but this doesn't feel like living, either.
September 25, 2025 at 8:21 AM
not dying, but this doesn't feel like living, either.
i like "ugly" crochet and knitting that looks very obviously handmade with inconsistent stitch tension or weird colour transitions. it's very charming to me. it has as much personality as the big crazy intricate sculptural crochet work that makes you wonder how someone even made that out of yarn
September 15, 2025 at 7:56 AM
i like "ugly" crochet and knitting that looks very obviously handmade with inconsistent stitch tension or weird colour transitions. it's very charming to me. it has as much personality as the big crazy intricate sculptural crochet work that makes you wonder how someone even made that out of yarn
scroll scroll scroll how many cumulative hours of my life have been absorbed by this fucking rectangle. how many more will i waste doing this. i need to fully disconnect my internet for like two weeks and try to forcefully break this mindless habit.
September 12, 2025 at 6:00 AM
scroll scroll scroll how many cumulative hours of my life have been absorbed by this fucking rectangle. how many more will i waste doing this. i need to fully disconnect my internet for like two weeks and try to forcefully break this mindless habit.
i keep wandering through internet subcultures wondering if i will find one that doesn't make me feel like i am a deranged zoo animal pacing in figure eights. but what i need, cannot be found with a search engine. a human being cannot live dissociated from the physical. you are a physical organism.
September 4, 2025 at 1:55 PM
i keep wandering through internet subcultures wondering if i will find one that doesn't make me feel like i am a deranged zoo animal pacing in figure eights. but what i need, cannot be found with a search engine. a human being cannot live dissociated from the physical. you are a physical organism.
i dont want to scroll anymore. i want to care for a bunch of little insects, and when they pass away with their short life spans i will preserve them and donate the best specimens to the museum. i will care for a bunch of little terrariums and carnivorous plants. press flowers, crochet, paint.
September 4, 2025 at 1:46 PM
i dont want to scroll anymore. i want to care for a bunch of little insects, and when they pass away with their short life spans i will preserve them and donate the best specimens to the museum. i will care for a bunch of little terrariums and carnivorous plants. press flowers, crochet, paint.
i'm realizing all i want from life is to make things and care for things with my hands. i genuinely feel like i'm going mad when i haven't made anything in a long time. drawing on a screen helps a little but isn't the same.
September 4, 2025 at 1:43 PM
i'm realizing all i want from life is to make things and care for things with my hands. i genuinely feel like i'm going mad when i haven't made anything in a long time. drawing on a screen helps a little but isn't the same.
i am going to make a closed terrarium out of this liquor bottle. i'll ruin its resale value (its technically a collectors item) by peeling off the sticker but im not gonna sell it anyways so idc. going to put in some moss and little micro creepers and ferns and springtails.
September 4, 2025 at 1:42 PM
i am going to make a closed terrarium out of this liquor bottle. i'll ruin its resale value (its technically a collectors item) by peeling off the sticker but im not gonna sell it anyways so idc. going to put in some moss and little micro creepers and ferns and springtails.
i want to get into crochet, invertebrate keeping, and flower pressing. i need more hobbies that don't cost 1284615284726 dollars.
September 4, 2025 at 7:15 AM
i want to get into crochet, invertebrate keeping, and flower pressing. i need more hobbies that don't cost 1284615284726 dollars.
during the last big earthquake i was dead asleep and only briefly woke up to the windows rattling. yesterday there was a tornado and i slept through that too. heard a banging noise, deemed it unimportant, went back to sleep. i wonder what i will sleep through next.
August 29, 2025 at 6:39 PM
during the last big earthquake i was dead asleep and only briefly woke up to the windows rattling. yesterday there was a tornado and i slept through that too. heard a banging noise, deemed it unimportant, went back to sleep. i wonder what i will sleep through next.
getting older has been difficult in the sense that maturity and self suffiency means accepting that life comes with a certain amount of pain and friction you must shoulder and take personal ownership of. i do miss sometimes the youthful naivete of thinking everything could be fun and games forever.
August 26, 2025 at 11:12 AM
getting older has been difficult in the sense that maturity and self suffiency means accepting that life comes with a certain amount of pain and friction you must shoulder and take personal ownership of. i do miss sometimes the youthful naivete of thinking everything could be fun and games forever.
it's great to have the emotional self sufficiency to no longer require the approval of others to survive and to be firm on your boundaries. but it does mean a lot of people will be forever very upset about it, and that will still make you somewhat sad, even though you can live with it.
August 26, 2025 at 11:08 AM
it's great to have the emotional self sufficiency to no longer require the approval of others to survive and to be firm on your boundaries. but it does mean a lot of people will be forever very upset about it, and that will still make you somewhat sad, even though you can live with it.
i need a pay raise for the amount of getting smacked around and sliced up that's just an occupational hazard for me. where is my hazard pay
August 24, 2025 at 6:11 AM
i need a pay raise for the amount of getting smacked around and sliced up that's just an occupational hazard for me. where is my hazard pay
i had to get seven stitches because i almost cut my finger off disassembling the water dispenser. this is insane because the injury i just healed from was almost cutting my other fingertip off two weeks ago
i was so happy to be injury free and then immediately a customer hits me in the eye with a flailing hand. direct hit from fingernail to the cornea. at least he had the decency to look horrified and ask me if i was okay.
August 24, 2025 at 6:10 AM
i had to get seven stitches because i almost cut my finger off disassembling the water dispenser. this is insane because the injury i just healed from was almost cutting my other fingertip off two weeks ago
i was so happy to be injury free and then immediately a customer hits me in the eye with a flailing hand. direct hit from fingernail to the cornea. at least he had the decency to look horrified and ask me if i was okay.
August 23, 2025 at 4:04 PM
i was so happy to be injury free and then immediately a customer hits me in the eye with a flailing hand. direct hit from fingernail to the cornea. at least he had the decency to look horrified and ask me if i was okay.
i want to go home and read. manifesting that tonight goes smoothly and quickly.
August 23, 2025 at 11:57 AM
i want to go home and read. manifesting that tonight goes smoothly and quickly.
i thought i would find some fun accounts to fill out my feed but does such a thing as Fun Online even exist anymore.
August 23, 2025 at 6:26 AM
i thought i would find some fun accounts to fill out my feed but does such a thing as Fun Online even exist anymore.