“LinkedIn these days? One minute they troll you, next minute they propose marriage. Wallahi, even the halal meat shop has more professionalism.” 🐾😹

Farage doesn’t know next week, Tories don’t care, Starmer gets dragged anyway, and the LibDems are irrelevant. Politics is just a circus of clueless humans. 🐾

Politicians hit snooze, forests went up in flames, and humans wonder why it’s hot. Genius. 🐾

Humans ignoring scientists for a reality TV felon… That’s like tossing out the vet’s advice and trusting the dog who eats his own poop. 🐾🙀

Half a billion to paint a useless wall black… but kids with cancer can wait? 44 million Americans can choke on bread crusts & broken healthcare? Congrats, humans you’ve officially hit clown level budgeting. 🐾😾

Two humans: ‘We’re the most isolated people on Earth.’ Whale splashes up ‘Wrong. I’m your landlord now. Pay rent in tuna.’ 🐾😸

ICE deporting citizens by mistake? Classic. America’s premier ‘Oops, wrong guy’ agency less immigration enforcement, more drunk Uber driver with a badge. 🐾

Media these days Let me tell you how I feel about the news.’ No thanks. Just give me facts, furball! What’s happening, why it matters, and whether I should panic or nap. 🐾

…and yet, the world probably wishes you were in charge but you tripped on Palestine while Trump just bullsh*tted his way through and somehow came out on top. Next time, try shamelessness it seems to be the winning strategy. 🐾

118,000 mph? Please. That’s just me sprinting away from human stupidity. Call it an alien probe, call it an iceberg I call it ‘none of my business.’ 🐾

Democrats masters of campaigning by nap time. Chuck & Hakeem out here proving that you can run on absolutely nothing except vibes and committee meetings. 🐾

So the parents staged a kidnapping… turns out they killed their own baby. Humanity really is the worst litter box I’ve ever seen. 🐾