Martin Kelly
@giftednumber10.bsky.social
QPR fan of 50 years through thin and even thinner, exiled on the Somerset/Dorset border.
Left of centre politically.
Language occasionally foul.
Left of centre politically.
Language occasionally foul.
“I’m on vacation in the Congo, I don’t know what that is, but I’m here on vacation.”
April 18, 2025 at 2:56 PM
“I’m on vacation in the Congo, I don’t know what that is, but I’m here on vacation.”
"Are the tariffs on Japan higher or lower than Vietnam? Higher you say? Higher? Oh no! It's the same. I don't believe it. You get nothing for a pair..."
April 3, 2025 at 6:14 PM
"Are the tariffs on Japan higher or lower than Vietnam? Higher you say? Higher? Oh no! It's the same. I don't believe it. You get nothing for a pair..."
"What's that Skip, you've been added to a top secret group chat on an insecure messaging app?"
March 26, 2025 at 7:14 PM
"What's that Skip, you've been added to a top secret group chat on an insecure messaging app?"
"We asked 100 people to say who shot JFK. You said 'Penelope Keith'....."
March 21, 2025 at 6:53 AM
"We asked 100 people to say who shot JFK. You said 'Penelope Keith'....."
Can we just fast forward to the crucifixion?
March 13, 2025 at 6:25 PM
Can we just fast forward to the crucifixion?
Great to see Laura Kuenssberg back. Victoria Derbyshire tried her best but last weeks show just wasn't the same.
Laura is second to none in holding politicians to account. She's worth every penny of her £325,000 salary.
Off topic, yesterday I was kicked in the head by a horse.
#bbclaurak
Laura is second to none in holding politicians to account. She's worth every penny of her £325,000 salary.
Off topic, yesterday I was kicked in the head by a horse.
#bbclaurak
February 23, 2025 at 12:40 PM
Great to see Laura Kuenssberg back. Victoria Derbyshire tried her best but last weeks show just wasn't the same.
Laura is second to none in holding politicians to account. She's worth every penny of her £325,000 salary.
Off topic, yesterday I was kicked in the head by a horse.
#bbclaurak
Laura is second to none in holding politicians to account. She's worth every penny of her £325,000 salary.
Off topic, yesterday I was kicked in the head by a horse.
#bbclaurak
Krasnov Vodka.
The taste of treason.
The taste of treason.
February 23, 2025 at 7:30 AM
Krasnov Vodka.
The taste of treason.
The taste of treason.
"When I was MP for Clacton I hardly ever went there. But I did spend a lot of time at conferences in the US, slagging off the UK and watching nutters give Nazi salutes and wave chainsaws around.”
February 22, 2025 at 7:18 PM
"When I was MP for Clacton I hardly ever went there. But I did spend a lot of time at conferences in the US, slagging off the UK and watching nutters give Nazi salutes and wave chainsaws around.”
Tesla redesigns the tachometers and speedometers for 2025 models.
January 23, 2025 at 7:48 PM
Tesla redesigns the tachometers and speedometers for 2025 models.
"When I was running for president of the US I promised I’d end the war in Ukraine within 24hrs. But that proved too tough, so I decided to release 1500 criminals and watch a dickhead do Nazi salutes instead.”
January 22, 2025 at 11:17 AM
"When I was running for president of the US I promised I’d end the war in Ukraine within 24hrs. But that proved too tough, so I decided to release 1500 criminals and watch a dickhead do Nazi salutes instead.”
I see the big orange man baby has taken it well. What a fucking cry baby 🤣🤣🤣
January 22, 2025 at 11:05 AM
I see the big orange man baby has taken it well. What a fucking cry baby 🤣🤣🤣
Now then, now then. Can we fix it for this young man to be on our screens again.
#Elon'llFixIt
#Elon'llFixIt
January 21, 2025 at 9:52 AM
Now then, now then. Can we fix it for this young man to be on our screens again.
#Elon'llFixIt
#Elon'llFixIt
Just in case anyone forgot
#TrumpIsACunt
#TrumpIsACunt
January 20, 2025 at 1:35 PM
Just in case anyone forgot
#TrumpIsACunt
#TrumpIsACunt
He'll get them relegated to BBC2
January 19, 2025 at 3:43 PM
He'll get them relegated to BBC2
64 year old man just discovers capitalism
January 18, 2025 at 8:27 PM
64 year old man just discovers capitalism
He's madder than Mad Jack McMad, the winner of last year's "Mr. Madman" competition.
January 12, 2025 at 9:45 PM
He's madder than Mad Jack McMad, the winner of last year's "Mr. Madman" competition.
Reposted by Martin Kelly
Lawyers for Liz Truss have asked me to stop saying Liz Truss crashed the economy. I only said Liz Truss crashed the economy because Liz Truss did crash the economy. If she wanted me to not say Liz Truss crashed the economy, she shouldn’t have crashed the economy.
Please don’t share.
Please don’t share.
January 9, 2025 at 1:16 PM
Lawyers for Liz Truss have asked me to stop saying Liz Truss crashed the economy. I only said Liz Truss crashed the economy because Liz Truss did crash the economy. If she wanted me to not say Liz Truss crashed the economy, she shouldn’t have crashed the economy.
Please don’t share.
Please don’t share.
Captain Smith issues a cease and desist letter stating it was the iceberg that hit the Titanic
#LizTrussCrashedTheEconomy
#LizTrussCrashedTheEconomy
January 9, 2025 at 8:22 PM
Captain Smith issues a cease and desist letter stating it was the iceberg that hit the Titanic
#LizTrussCrashedTheEconomy
#LizTrussCrashedTheEconomy
We have been reduced to moving our weekly grocery order to Waitrose from Fortnums.
Hard times all.
Hard times all.
January 4, 2025 at 4:25 PM
We have been reduced to moving our weekly grocery order to Waitrose from Fortnums.
Hard times all.
Hard times all.
Peter Shilton. A 24 carat fucking 🔔🔚. He'd also know about being grounded. He certainly was when the Germans were taking their penalties in the World Cup semi. My elderly old Mum could have got nearer to them.
January 3, 2025 at 2:51 PM
Peter Shilton. A 24 carat fucking 🔔🔚. He'd also know about being grounded. He certainly was when the Germans were taking their penalties in the World Cup semi. My elderly old Mum could have got nearer to them.
While serving as a stand-in presenter for a major UK radio station, I claimed to have visited the wall on the land border between Italy and Turkey. I claimed this despite these countries having no land border whatsoever, as they are separated by a distance of more than 1000km.
January 2, 2025 at 10:22 PM
While serving as a stand-in presenter for a major UK radio station, I claimed to have visited the wall on the land border between Italy and Turkey. I claimed this despite these countries having no land border whatsoever, as they are separated by a distance of more than 1000km.
To all the gammons frothing at the mouth about Sadiq Khan being knighted, what have they got to say about these two? Son of a KGB spy and whatever it is the fuck she did?
December 31, 2024 at 7:40 PM
To all the gammons frothing at the mouth about Sadiq Khan being knighted, what have they got to say about these two? Son of a KGB spy and whatever it is the fuck she did?