I don’t have Spotify, which easily puts me into three or four figures

Everyone likes a hotel!

As seen on social media

Now if I knew then what I know now

Not if you ask me like that, how about a bit of please and thank you. Jesus Christ

“Your neighbour, the cute ITV Anglia weather presenter with big ears, is demolishing a wall and asks if you’ll walk his dog so it’s out of the way. You grudgingly agree but confide to the dog that you’d had aspirations to wriggle free of neighbourly obligations when you won the Omaze prize draw.”

Yeah but then you beat the shit out of it and they don’t like that either

Give it a rinse and it’ll be fine