It also works if you sing the lyrics “She’s got Jimmy Davis eyes”
October 31, 2025 at 1:30 AM
It also works if you sing the lyrics “She’s got Jimmy Davis eyes”
Dream where Trump’s personal White House chef sells a special truffle-flavored Marlboro that I buy, but the only way to light the cigarette is to steal flint from the Nazis (including Hitler), which I do, but end up accidentally burning everything in the world down, and then my dad gets mad at me
October 28, 2025 at 1:03 AM
Dream where Trump’s personal White House chef sells a special truffle-flavored Marlboro that I buy, but the only way to light the cigarette is to steal flint from the Nazis (including Hitler), which I do, but end up accidentally burning everything in the world down, and then my dad gets mad at me
The butt lift business isn’t what it used to be
September 8, 2025 at 3:13 AM
The butt lift business isn’t what it used to be
Wearing short shorts outside the Erewhon
August 19, 2025 at 4:48 PM
Wearing short shorts outside the Erewhon
Way more interested in taking Ozempic since I heard it takes your soul
August 18, 2025 at 4:02 PM
Way more interested in taking Ozempic since I heard it takes your soul
Unironically relieved to be back home in LA after a long weekend in small town Texas
June 10, 2025 at 4:22 PM
Unironically relieved to be back home in LA after a long weekend in small town Texas
Guess I have to think about Diddy's penis every Halloween until I die
May 16, 2025 at 7:37 PM
Guess I have to think about Diddy's penis every Halloween until I die
I got my hands up, they're praying my psalm
May 8, 2025 at 7:14 PM
I got my hands up, they're praying my psalm
Alt Lit turns 44 with two teenagers and a receeding hairline
May 5, 2025 at 3:56 PM
Alt Lit turns 44 with two teenagers and a receeding hairline
It’s really easy to tear things down and talk shit but also it’s really important to tear things down and talk shit
April 30, 2025 at 12:40 AM
It’s really easy to tear things down and talk shit but also it’s really important to tear things down and talk shit
Wasted tired from eating bagels and walking
April 27, 2025 at 1:35 AM
Wasted tired from eating bagels and walking
I like it in rap videos when the rapper points a gun at the camera and suggests they want to kill me
April 26, 2025 at 12:00 AM
I like it in rap videos when the rapper points a gun at the camera and suggests they want to kill me
Remember listening to The Doors when I was a teenager and my parents rolling their eyes and I was in shock because The Doors are good, mom and dad!!! And now every time a kid mentions Nirvana, a band that I also loved as a teenager, my eyes roll so far back in my head that I can see my own ass.
March 20, 2025 at 10:00 PM
Remember listening to The Doors when I was a teenager and my parents rolling their eyes and I was in shock because The Doors are good, mom and dad!!! And now every time a kid mentions Nirvana, a band that I also loved as a teenager, my eyes roll so far back in my head that I can see my own ass.
My wife calls as I’m leaving the grocery store with eggs and I give a Tesla driver the bird
March 12, 2025 at 3:55 PM
My wife calls as I’m leaving the grocery store with eggs and I give a Tesla driver the bird
Pretty sad when you get new underwear and your previous “good” underwear becomes your new “bad” underwear
March 11, 2025 at 7:32 PM
Pretty sad when you get new underwear and your previous “good” underwear becomes your new “bad” underwear
Scary that they’ll eventually become nepo teens
March 11, 2025 at 3:54 PM
Scary that they’ll eventually become nepo teens
One thing about eggs is that they never go bad and you can eat them forever
March 5, 2025 at 12:04 AM
One thing about eggs is that they never go bad and you can eat them forever
Spiders think I’m too big to see them but I do see them and I’m scared of them
February 16, 2025 at 10:15 PM
Spiders think I’m too big to see them but I do see them and I’m scared of them
It is through my children that I learn about the world’s first goonicide
February 11, 2025 at 6:02 PM
It is through my children that I learn about the world’s first goonicide
Accidentally clicked on a pen ad and fucked-up my hat-ads-only algorithm
February 10, 2025 at 4:26 PM
Accidentally clicked on a pen ad and fucked-up my hat-ads-only algorithm
