Basically it requires some degree of introspection and self awareness to get to therapy on your own in the first place, and then it requires even more to figure out what you need, and whether the therapy you've engaged with us meeting that need.

Part of the problem is that maybe the therapeutic techniques they got didn't work for their needs. And sometimes it's that the particular therapist doesn't work for them. It's so particular to individual needs that it's hard when people don't have a culture that encourages therapy.

Those are two great examples. I mean I know my bias is generally toward curiosity and cooperation, especially since I view those as necessary curatives and counters to what I see as closed-minded conservatism in traditional masculinity

Though I do think men (and also everyone) should go to therapy—and I really want to make a joke about how men will literally talk about how men should go to therapy rather than go to therapy—I think therapy isn't going to solve problems without understanding what therapy does and how to use it.

Yeah, it's pretty clear a lot of my fellow dudes are not all right, and as a group we're not necessarily doing the work to solve our own problems. I'm also trying and not entirely succeeding with thinking of positive examples of masculinity other than, like, Mr. Rogers.

I also don't think that masculinity is entirely based in violence, but certainly it's prevalent, especially when men feel threatened about their masculinity or status. Which especially comes up in places with honor culture. It drives me crazy, but I know I've also internalized some of it too.

So, I probably didn't say this in book club, but I think that learning about feminism can be helpful for men, though. Part of realizing that masculinity and traditional gender roles are toxic and destructive is about getting perspective and questioning assumptions, and feminism provides that.

I don't want to ban all of these, but it's worth it to get rid of "wifey," so I support your platform

Which is wild to me because Good at Math people are often SO BAD at words. Engineers are awful writers but are taught that they're more important than humanities majors—whom they desperately need to communicate their work to wider audiences.

oh my god