Evil Wizard, Esq.
@evil-wizard-esq.bsky.social
Prosecutor by day, professor by night, writer by, uh, let’s go with twilight, reader and gamer when I probably should be sleeping. Highly upset at being currently stuck in this, the clearly worst timeline. Posts best read in the voice of Sterling Archer.
Homan is the answer to a question nobody asked: “what if the Crypt Keeper wasn’t funny?”
uncle sam is holding a microphone in front of an american flag and says this is our year
ALT: uncle sam is holding a microphone in front of an american flag and says this is our year
media.tenor.com
December 7, 2025 at 11:01 PM
Homan is the answer to a question nobody asked: “what if the Crypt Keeper wasn’t funny?”
Not necessarily in this order. Any order is fine. Actually just do all at once, that’s preferred.
December 7, 2025 at 6:03 PM
Not necessarily in this order. Any order is fine. Actually just do all at once, that’s preferred.
I don’t know why this is so difficult a concept for some. Like, if a mob boss orders a hit, then walks away and doesn’t ACTUALLY watch as the hitter kills the mark, he’s still fucking guilty. That’s what is happening. Hogslob is just a drunken hitter for the Nazi mafia.
December 6, 2025 at 6:35 PM
I don’t know why this is so difficult a concept for some. Like, if a mob boss orders a hit, then walks away and doesn’t ACTUALLY watch as the hitter kills the mark, he’s still fucking guilty. That’s what is happening. Hogslob is just a drunken hitter for the Nazi mafia.
They’ve made no secret of their goal of dismantling America as a democratic republic and replacing it with a hybrid of autocracy/theocracy/oligarchy. It’s been their plan since Nixon. Now they’re in the endgame, and if it isn’t stopped dead soon then it’ll be too late and they’ll get what they want.
December 6, 2025 at 6:04 PM
They’ve made no secret of their goal of dismantling America as a democratic republic and replacing it with a hybrid of autocracy/theocracy/oligarchy. It’s been their plan since Nixon. Now they’re in the endgame, and if it isn’t stopped dead soon then it’ll be too late and they’ll get what they want.
Yeah if you’ve learned even just the basics of how the Nazis rose to and kept power, like passed your high school history class, this was all exceedingly apparent the entire time. Anyone who says otherwise is either fatally dull, willfully ignorant, or lying to suit an agenda. No exceptions.
December 6, 2025 at 5:26 PM
Yeah if you’ve learned even just the basics of how the Nazis rose to and kept power, like passed your high school history class, this was all exceedingly apparent the entire time. Anyone who says otherwise is either fatally dull, willfully ignorant, or lying to suit an agenda. No exceptions.
“I really want to save lives,” says autocratic tyrant who is not even a week removed from ordering his pet drunk Nazi to blow up passenger boats without cause and then shoot the unarmed survivors trying not to drown.
December 5, 2025 at 9:21 PM
“I really want to save lives,” says autocratic tyrant who is not even a week removed from ordering his pet drunk Nazi to blow up passenger boats without cause and then shoot the unarmed survivors trying not to drown.
“I don’t need prizes,” says rotting jack-o-lantern who spent 12 months repeatedly demanding he be given a prize until one was created with such a low bar to clear that he qualified.
December 5, 2025 at 9:21 PM
“I don’t need prizes,” says rotting jack-o-lantern who spent 12 months repeatedly demanding he be given a prize until one was created with such a low bar to clear that he qualified.
I want to make a Gargamel joke here but I honestly think it would be a tremendously unfair comparison for Gargamel.
a cartoon character is smiling with his hands folded in front of his face
ALT: a cartoon character is smiling with his hands folded in front of his face
media.tenor.com
December 5, 2025 at 9:17 PM
I want to make a Gargamel joke here but I honestly think it would be a tremendously unfair comparison for Gargamel.
Actually MTV used to showcase enough punk that I’d have probably respected their medal over a lot of the ones this orange shitgoblin gives or receives.
December 5, 2025 at 9:15 PM
Actually MTV used to showcase enough punk that I’d have probably respected their medal over a lot of the ones this orange shitgoblin gives or receives.
All of the “no they did it on purpose so she would comment and give us more attention because they’re playing 4-D chess on socials” people got really quiet all of a sudden.
December 5, 2025 at 9:04 PM
All of the “no they did it on purpose so she would comment and give us more attention because they’re playing 4-D chess on socials” people got really quiet all of a sudden.
Yes, because we wouldn’t want (checks notes) “public servants” to voice concerns with the status of the nation to (checks notes again) their very own constituents.
December 5, 2025 at 8:09 PM
Yes, because we wouldn’t want (checks notes) “public servants” to voice concerns with the status of the nation to (checks notes again) their very own constituents.
It’s just the most spectacular self-own and nobody talks about it. “I worked closely with Trump his entire first term, and let me tell you - it is shocking how illegal it all was.” You were fucking helping him! You don’t get a medal for being an accessory to crimes against humanity for ONLY 4 years!
December 5, 2025 at 6:39 PM
It’s just the most spectacular self-own and nobody talks about it. “I worked closely with Trump his entire first term, and let me tell you - it is shocking how illegal it all was.” You were fucking helping him! You don’t get a medal for being an accessory to crimes against humanity for ONLY 4 years!
My only remaining emotion at this point:
a bald man in a red sweater is covering his face with his hand .
ALT: a bald man in a red sweater is covering his face with his hand .
media.tenor.com
December 5, 2025 at 5:51 PM
My only remaining emotion at this point:
Dear Tom Cotton,
As a practicing attorney and a law professor, I assure you, though you should know already, that if a law student is asked whether people suspected of a non-capital offense may be summarily executed by the government and replied “the premise is not well-founded” they would fail.
As a practicing attorney and a law professor, I assure you, though you should know already, that if a law student is asked whether people suspected of a non-capital offense may be summarily executed by the government and replied “the premise is not well-founded” they would fail.
December 5, 2025 at 5:21 PM
Dear Tom Cotton,
As a practicing attorney and a law professor, I assure you, though you should know already, that if a law student is asked whether people suspected of a non-capital offense may be summarily executed by the government and replied “the premise is not well-founded” they would fail.
As a practicing attorney and a law professor, I assure you, though you should know already, that if a law student is asked whether people suspected of a non-capital offense may be summarily executed by the government and replied “the premise is not well-founded” they would fail.
Why just be a war-criminal protector when you can be a war-criminal ACCESSORY?!
December 5, 2025 at 4:23 PM
Why just be a war-criminal protector when you can be a war-criminal ACCESSORY?!
What they say: “Trump’s cruelty has gone too far.”
What they’re telling you: “I had zero problem with all of his cruelty up until now.”
What it all means: Americans have been groomed to believe that there is an acceptable amount of cruelty, lies, and abuses of power by their elected leaders.
What they’re telling you: “I had zero problem with all of his cruelty up until now.”
What it all means: Americans have been groomed to believe that there is an acceptable amount of cruelty, lies, and abuses of power by their elected leaders.
December 5, 2025 at 4:21 PM
What they say: “Trump’s cruelty has gone too far.”
What they’re telling you: “I had zero problem with all of his cruelty up until now.”
What it all means: Americans have been groomed to believe that there is an acceptable amount of cruelty, lies, and abuses of power by their elected leaders.
What they’re telling you: “I had zero problem with all of his cruelty up until now.”
What it all means: Americans have been groomed to believe that there is an acceptable amount of cruelty, lies, and abuses of power by their elected leaders.
…this is rhetorical, because I know the actual answer would probably take like 6 more years of schooling and a residency period…but what the fuck is wrong with these people?
December 5, 2025 at 2:44 PM
…this is rhetorical, because I know the actual answer would probably take like 6 more years of schooling and a residency period…but what the fuck is wrong with these people?
If you are awake and alert 18 hours a day and you still maintain you never know what is happening in the government you are the part of, either you are shamelessly lying your ass off or you may be the dimmest, most moronic person in the history of the human race. Or both. It could be both.
December 5, 2025 at 2:32 PM
If you are awake and alert 18 hours a day and you still maintain you never know what is happening in the government you are the part of, either you are shamelessly lying your ass off or you may be the dimmest, most moronic person in the history of the human race. Or both. It could be both.