Evil Wizard, Esq.
@evil-wizard-esq.bsky.social
Prosecutor by day, professor by night, writer by, uh, let’s go with twilight, reader and gamer when I probably should be sleeping. Highly upset at being currently stuck in this, the clearly worst timeline. Posts best read in the voice of Sterling Archer.
Even if he somehow convinced Big J to let him in…there are other contingencies in place.
September 6, 2025 at 2:26 AM
Even if he somehow convinced Big J to let him in…there are other contingencies in place.
I hear @hangmanpage.bsky.social tried out some white wrist tape a while back and it didn’t work out for him; he could probably hook someone up.
September 6, 2025 at 2:08 AM
I hear @hangmanpage.bsky.social tried out some white wrist tape a while back and it didn’t work out for him; he could probably hook someone up.
The only possible outcome to this in any sane timeline.
September 6, 2025 at 12:41 AM
The only possible outcome to this in any sane timeline.
Votes 👏 Are 👏 Choices 👏
Choices 👏 Have 👏 Consequences 👏
Choices 👏 Have 👏 Consequences 👏
June 18, 2025 at 6:02 PM
Votes 👏 Are 👏 Choices 👏
Choices 👏 Have 👏 Consequences 👏
Choices 👏 Have 👏 Consequences 👏
Dogmeat for Congress 2026
June 17, 2025 at 10:10 AM
Dogmeat for Congress 2026
First of all, I have no idea who this person is, but I shall assume it is one of the “influencers” I keep hearing is a career now. Secondly, of course I am angry. You voted for Temu Hitler. But I appreciate you 1. not even trying to justify it and 2. acknowledging you have a debt to pay. Start now.
June 9, 2025 at 11:34 PM
First of all, I have no idea who this person is, but I shall assume it is one of the “influencers” I keep hearing is a career now. Secondly, of course I am angry. You voted for Temu Hitler. But I appreciate you 1. not even trying to justify it and 2. acknowledging you have a debt to pay. Start now.
The only reason the OBBB exists and has that fucking orange shitgoblin as its carney pitchman is because his only skill is selling stupid people on things and because if this Temu Lex Luthor just came out and said “give me absolute unlimited power” even the GOP would balk…probably.
June 4, 2025 at 10:49 PM
The only reason the OBBB exists and has that fucking orange shitgoblin as its carney pitchman is because his only skill is selling stupid people on things and because if this Temu Lex Luthor just came out and said “give me absolute unlimited power” even the GOP would balk…probably.
Not gonna lie; if you just take out the words “Congressional spending bill” the entire tweet feels like we’re taking his confession or something.
Which makes it even weirder to be in the awkward position of agreeing with him for once.
Which makes it even weirder to be in the awkward position of agreeing with him for once.
June 3, 2025 at 6:27 PM
Not gonna lie; if you just take out the words “Congressional spending bill” the entire tweet feels like we’re taking his confession or something.
Which makes it even weirder to be in the awkward position of agreeing with him for once.
Which makes it even weirder to be in the awkward position of agreeing with him for once.
And then they have the gall to act offended or shocked at things like, oh, I don’t know….this:
May 30, 2025 at 7:47 PM
And then they have the gall to act offended or shocked at things like, oh, I don’t know….this:
The tangerine dickwaffle literally every second of every day that he can get his hands on a phone:
May 27, 2025 at 3:15 AM
The tangerine dickwaffle literally every second of every day that he can get his hands on a phone:
“Christian podcaster…”
April 11, 2025 at 1:52 PM
“Christian podcaster…”
Totally random, completely non-political post of the day: all my book peeps, movie peeps, hell anyone at all…drop a reply below with your favorite story/franchise/historical period where, as it turns out, an assassin is the hero. I’ll start - the Night Angel saga by Brent Weeks.
March 17, 2025 at 10:37 PM
Totally random, completely non-political post of the day: all my book peeps, movie peeps, hell anyone at all…drop a reply below with your favorite story/franchise/historical period where, as it turns out, an assassin is the hero. I’ll start - the Night Angel saga by Brent Weeks.
I really hope that one of the sycophants surrounding @schumer.senate.gov explains to him what the concept of “ratio” means in a modern social media context. Yikes.
March 16, 2025 at 2:41 PM
I really hope that one of the sycophants surrounding @schumer.senate.gov explains to him what the concept of “ratio” means in a modern social media context. Yikes.
“Parent” - I really hope this is a lie.
“Cat lover” - hahaha cats are far more choosy than that.
“Reader” - Not only do I doubt you’re a reader as a hobby, I doubt you can read at all.
“Thinker” - I KNOW this is a lie.
“Human” - wrapping up with the least likely on this list to be true.
“Cat lover” - hahaha cats are far more choosy than that.
“Reader” - Not only do I doubt you’re a reader as a hobby, I doubt you can read at all.
“Thinker” - I KNOW this is a lie.
“Human” - wrapping up with the least likely on this list to be true.
March 13, 2025 at 2:27 AM
“Parent” - I really hope this is a lie.
“Cat lover” - hahaha cats are far more choosy than that.
“Reader” - Not only do I doubt you’re a reader as a hobby, I doubt you can read at all.
“Thinker” - I KNOW this is a lie.
“Human” - wrapping up with the least likely on this list to be true.
“Cat lover” - hahaha cats are far more choosy than that.
“Reader” - Not only do I doubt you’re a reader as a hobby, I doubt you can read at all.
“Thinker” - I KNOW this is a lie.
“Human” - wrapping up with the least likely on this list to be true.
Damn, over 1,000 of you beautiful people want to follow along with the musings of an angry, maniacal wizard like me. I’m truly humbled. I’m still gonna keep summoning that asteroid to wipe out this planet though. Maybe if the love keeps on coming, my mind could be changed! 😈
March 12, 2025 at 11:27 PM
Damn, over 1,000 of you beautiful people want to follow along with the musings of an angry, maniacal wizard like me. I’m truly humbled. I’m still gonna keep summoning that asteroid to wipe out this planet though. Maybe if the love keeps on coming, my mind could be changed! 😈
They voted for a narcissistic manchild with zero concept of the term “consequences” and now seem aghast and shocked as if he hadn’t made it apparent what was going to happen.
March 11, 2025 at 8:32 PM
They voted for a narcissistic manchild with zero concept of the term “consequences” and now seem aghast and shocked as if he hadn’t made it apparent what was going to happen.
Demon tries to possess my body.
Demon: “Oh…uh…”
Me: “Yup.”
Demon: “This is awkward.”
Me: “Hey, you never asked.”
Demon: “I’ve just never found one of you, uh…already occupied.”
Me: “That’s not your worst problem.”
Demon: “Come again?”
My Inner Demon (who I’m fully committed to):
Demon: “Oh…uh…”
Me: “Yup.”
Demon: “This is awkward.”
Me: “Hey, you never asked.”
Demon: “I’ve just never found one of you, uh…already occupied.”
Me: “That’s not your worst problem.”
Demon: “Come again?”
My Inner Demon (who I’m fully committed to):
March 11, 2025 at 1:30 AM
Demon tries to possess my body.
Demon: “Oh…uh…”
Me: “Yup.”
Demon: “This is awkward.”
Me: “Hey, you never asked.”
Demon: “I’ve just never found one of you, uh…already occupied.”
Me: “That’s not your worst problem.”
Demon: “Come again?”
My Inner Demon (who I’m fully committed to):
Demon: “Oh…uh…”
Me: “Yup.”
Demon: “This is awkward.”
Me: “Hey, you never asked.”
Demon: “I’ve just never found one of you, uh…already occupied.”
Me: “That’s not your worst problem.”
Demon: “Come again?”
My Inner Demon (who I’m fully committed to):
I keep seeing variations on this quote, and…look, it’s a great quote. Except have you noticed what civil disobedience has gotten done here in 21st century USA? Nothing. Hell, the country was birthed in war. So while I hope what this quote speaks to is enough…prepare for more. Freedoms is worth it.
March 3, 2025 at 8:27 PM
I keep seeing variations on this quote, and…look, it’s a great quote. Except have you noticed what civil disobedience has gotten done here in 21st century USA? Nothing. Hell, the country was birthed in war. So while I hope what this quote speaks to is enough…prepare for more. Freedoms is worth it.
“But the Donald and Musk ordered us to-“
Citing Iscariot Organization Paladin Alexander Anderson (Abridged): “You don’t have to follow orders when your leader’s acting like a daft cunt!”
And he’s a priest so I’m pretty sure that’s literally the gospel.
Citing Iscariot Organization Paladin Alexander Anderson (Abridged): “You don’t have to follow orders when your leader’s acting like a daft cunt!”
And he’s a priest so I’m pretty sure that’s literally the gospel.
February 10, 2025 at 4:49 AM
“But the Donald and Musk ordered us to-“
Citing Iscariot Organization Paladin Alexander Anderson (Abridged): “You don’t have to follow orders when your leader’s acting like a daft cunt!”
And he’s a priest so I’m pretty sure that’s literally the gospel.
Citing Iscariot Organization Paladin Alexander Anderson (Abridged): “You don’t have to follow orders when your leader’s acting like a daft cunt!”
And he’s a priest so I’m pretty sure that’s literally the gospel.
I see a lot of people talk about why we need to resist, to fight what this country has become. They’re all valid. But sometimes…for me it’s not about the big picture or winning the war. It’s all too exhausting. So I remind myself that no matter what else…this will always be why I fight.
January 13, 2025 at 11:04 PM
I see a lot of people talk about why we need to resist, to fight what this country has become. They’re all valid. But sometimes…for me it’s not about the big picture or winning the war. It’s all too exhausting. So I remind myself that no matter what else…this will always be why I fight.
Listen, I keep seeing the Batman slapping Robin meme with Robin talking about the war on Christmas and I’m just saying that if he’s going to start on THAT fucking bullshit, a paintbrush from Batman isn’t going to be sufficient. We may need to call in the big guns…
December 19, 2024 at 3:50 AM
Listen, I keep seeing the Batman slapping Robin meme with Robin talking about the war on Christmas and I’m just saying that if he’s going to start on THAT fucking bullshit, a paintbrush from Batman isn’t going to be sufficient. We may need to call in the big guns…
Are you kidding me, Time? You can't think of ANYONE who has captured the current vibe of the nation/world in 2024? When this guy is RIGHT THERE?!
December 12, 2024 at 2:44 PM
Are you kidding me, Time? You can't think of ANYONE who has captured the current vibe of the nation/world in 2024? When this guy is RIGHT THERE?!
Yeah their standards are incredibly, mind-bogglingly low.
December 12, 2024 at 12:59 PM
Yeah their standards are incredibly, mind-bogglingly low.
