My daughter famously hates cake, to the point where she had only a tiny, symbolic cake at her wedding. She engaged in the traditional cake cutting, and then proceeded to totally not eat it. (They had a nice dessert table for the guests.)

I think we need to start having clandestine MEGALOPOLIS viewing parties.

Not cheap, but the Italian Blu-ray is fantastic.

Bonus points for an ON GOLDEN POND reference. Ahh, the PG-rated adult-oriented airplane features of our youth. NORMA RAE! COAL MINERS DAUGHTER! ABSENCE OF MALICE!

I dissent. I'd gladly pay $1 to watch a shaky, edited film projected in 16mm wearing pneumatic headphones on an upcoming flight. LOVE STORY. CHARIOTS OF FIRE. ICE CASTLES. Not saying this was as good as FRANKENSTEIN on an iPad, but it absolutely was a vibe.

(AIRPLANE! would be the best selection.)

Take those K-cups and shove 'em, I ain't brewin' here no more.

$20k is for writing. $200k is for selling supplements.

They just confused it with CONGO.

OK, cool, I totally get that, and I'm glad this was just a slight calendaring problem that happens to all of us mere mortals. I also can't resist any opportunity to bag on GEICO for doing me seriously wrong in the same (and deeply annoying) way twice. Don't use GEICO.

What I'm saying here is that if this is nonsense caused by GEICO, you should switch carriers, and I don't personally care which one it is as long as it's not GEICO. They've made two giant mistakes - mistakes that had nothing to do with me or my family - and that was two mistakes too many.

Upon fighting that one, all GEICO could say - in a written document by mail where they admitted the mistake - was technically "oops, our bad." While these assertions were literal nonsense, it took me weeks to fight and resolve the claims to avoid losing or paying thousands more for insurance.

Then, last month, I had GEICO/Travelers contact me to let me know my policy would be terminated because my house's roof was "deteriorating" (it's not), but providing no evidence or specifics, but threatening that it would need to be corrected within two months.

So, I had GEICO file a claim on my LexisNexis Consumer Profile indicating that there was an accident involving nobody I knew and no cars I owned. This fake claim increased my premium with GEICO, and prevented me from shopping for affordable insurance elsewhere until I successfully disputed it.

Also, you can come up with your own lyrics to an ostensible KPOP DEMON HUNTERS theme song. "K-POP! They're demon hunters! There's also a weird tiger cat! K-POP! The cat knocks things over! There's lots of guys with hats!"

It's way, way better than a DANCER IN THE DARK singalong.

But in the end, I ripped those DVDs in the aughts and they persist digitally in full DVD quality to this day.

I've genuinely struggled with the irony of trying to post about all the hours I've spent converting our physical media from their original form back into digital media so we can access it all off of two really big Western Digital hard drives.

Who the FUCK do you think you are? You don't KNOW ME you don't know ME you don't know me.

In the meantime, there is the unspeakably uncool caffeine replacement that is Diet Mountain Dew.