And I refuse to give up previous plans that I’ve already made with my friends for example for Halloween night I’m going to one of my friends house and I’m just gonna spend time with her and her friends and her family and just allow myself to just step away from everything that I’m feeling right now

But considering that I do have tomorrow off, I don’t plan to do anything tonight and I think I just need some space and me time. Because tomorrow I am going to take her around the city. So it just makes a lot more sense for me to just rest tonight from a very overwhelming half week so far

My goal today is honestly go to work and then sit in traffic to drive down to visit my mom in the hospital as for if I will be up to going out tonight, I don’t know probably not. I know my brother and sister-in-law made plans to take my cousin to a part of our city

It’s definitely making me pay attention to my capacity and be more open about when my capacity is incredibly limited or incredibly overfilled and letting my brother and sister-in-law take over when I can’t keep going because if I keep going, I would snap

And yesterday night when we were taking my cousin back to her hotel, I realize that perhaps this is a blessing in disguise so rather than being incredibly sad and scared and confused this entire week perhaps my cousin coming to visit us the timing of it was to give ussome joy during a hard week.

Luckily, my cousin has been extremely understanding. I don’t understand why anyone would not be understanding given this circumstances and we’re just taking every day slowly and going out in the evening when we can and the rest of my family has been checking in on Mom and so have my friends.

And to be quite honest, I felt really overwhelmed initially because I was just thinking how am I supposed to balance visiting my mom taking care of my mom in the hospital going to work and still trying to keep the house afloat and helping my dad and taking care of my dogsand also being a tour guide

Because of my mother’s rapidly declining health this month and especially this past week, my entire family forgot that my cousin from the Netherlands was coming to visit us so you could imagine our surprise when we got a text from her saying that she arrived to her hotel

And don’t worry, I am still very much scared. The conditions that my mom is in is very bad, but knowing that her oncologist is a part of the Care team and knowing how her oncologist is like as well offer some sort of stability in such a scary moment.

For example, my mom is back in the hospital again and this time her condition is significantly worse than the first time that she had to have a long hospital stay but at least this time we know one of her doctors are oncologist really is a part of her care team, and that makes me feelless scared

I don’t know what’s going on, but I can’t even post any videos anymore. It doesn’t process at all and I have two accounts and neither of them allows me to post and one of them is a business account.

🫶🏻

My dad is 80 yrs old. I couldn’t imagine my dad getting attacked like this. That’s horrible :(

That book is so cute and that is such a sweet surprise in the end.