Epiphany
@epiphanywhelham.bsky.social
Menacingly lurking in dark alleyways.
Smelling the milk every time I use it knowing I have no idea how to tell the difference when it’s gone bad.
September 8, 2024 at 12:01 PM
Smelling the milk every time I use it knowing I have no idea how to tell the difference when it’s gone bad.
R.I.p. Elvis. You would have loved Pepto-Bismol.
September 6, 2024 at 10:18 PM
R.I.p. Elvis. You would have loved Pepto-Bismol.
How can my foot possibly know the difference between the floor and my flat shoe?! Just be grateful foot and stop acting like this shoe is uncomfortable.
September 5, 2024 at 12:08 AM
How can my foot possibly know the difference between the floor and my flat shoe?! Just be grateful foot and stop acting like this shoe is uncomfortable.
I hate leg cramps. They be raising me out of my bed like I’m in the exorcist.
September 4, 2024 at 8:22 PM
I hate leg cramps. They be raising me out of my bed like I’m in the exorcist.
Got fired from my job as a fortune cookie writer because my messages were "unsettling" and “Why do your elbows look like that?” isn’t a fortune.
September 4, 2024 at 5:08 PM
Got fired from my job as a fortune cookie writer because my messages were "unsettling" and “Why do your elbows look like that?” isn’t a fortune.
There’s something so awkward about being on aux because what if they don’t like how my playlist goes from Bruno Mars to The Phantom Of The Opera to the TMNT theme song
September 4, 2024 at 1:29 PM
There’s something so awkward about being on aux because what if they don’t like how my playlist goes from Bruno Mars to The Phantom Of The Opera to the TMNT theme song
To the girl who flashed me while I was driving, thanks for letting me know there was a speed check ahead, but you probably could have used your lights.
September 4, 2024 at 4:36 AM
To the girl who flashed me while I was driving, thanks for letting me know there was a speed check ahead, but you probably could have used your lights.
Might start a podcast where it’s just me reading off a list of your many faults.
September 3, 2024 at 4:10 PM
Might start a podcast where it’s just me reading off a list of your many faults.
Day me and Night me have two different views on if ghosts are real.
September 3, 2024 at 3:55 PM
Day me and Night me have two different views on if ghosts are real.
My trust issues can be tracked back to the very first time I was given those crayons at Red Robin that never worked.
September 3, 2024 at 1:56 PM
My trust issues can be tracked back to the very first time I was given those crayons at Red Robin that never worked.
You’ll never catch me using the Pinterest search bar. I can’t risk it ruining my carefully curated feed.
September 3, 2024 at 2:35 AM
You’ll never catch me using the Pinterest search bar. I can’t risk it ruining my carefully curated feed.
I think I’ll deal with this minor inconvenience with some extreme substance abuse.
September 2, 2024 at 9:27 PM
I think I’ll deal with this minor inconvenience with some extreme substance abuse.
Unfortunately my attempts to be mysterious today were foiled and I ended up crying on the floor of my bathroom after a minor confrontation.
September 2, 2024 at 9:26 PM
Unfortunately my attempts to be mysterious today were foiled and I ended up crying on the floor of my bathroom after a minor confrontation.
Honestly not surprised I turned out this way. I used to think the freezer burn on the inside of my grandmother fridge was a form of ice cream.
September 2, 2024 at 6:41 PM
Honestly not surprised I turned out this way. I used to think the freezer burn on the inside of my grandmother fridge was a form of ice cream.
A spider came into my general vicinity, and for that I will force it to watch Skylar White sing “Happy Birthday, Mr. President” on repeat. A fate worse than death.
September 2, 2024 at 2:52 AM
A spider came into my general vicinity, and for that I will force it to watch Skylar White sing “Happy Birthday, Mr. President” on repeat. A fate worse than death.
Boss: “Hey, can I see you in my office. I’d like to remind you about our dress code policy.”
Me [wearing an inflatable John Cena body suit]: “Highly unlikely.”
Me [wearing an inflatable John Cena body suit]: “Highly unlikely.”
September 2, 2024 at 2:15 AM
Boss: “Hey, can I see you in my office. I’d like to remind you about our dress code policy.”
Me [wearing an inflatable John Cena body suit]: “Highly unlikely.”
Me [wearing an inflatable John Cena body suit]: “Highly unlikely.”
Don’t think I would survive in Mad Max. Nobody is using their turn signals.
September 2, 2024 at 12:12 AM
Don’t think I would survive in Mad Max. Nobody is using their turn signals.
Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I wanted to be an alcoholic father figure when I grew up.
September 1, 2024 at 4:00 PM
Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I wanted to be an alcoholic father figure when I grew up.
If someone decided to try and microwave me in a giant bowl, would I be completely fine since it would just heat up the bowl, leaving me at the exact same temperature?
September 1, 2024 at 7:34 AM
If someone decided to try and microwave me in a giant bowl, would I be completely fine since it would just heat up the bowl, leaving me at the exact same temperature?
I have a chronic fear that every time I misclassify a mineral as a rock, Hank Schrader will appear out of thin air and frame me for cooking meth.
September 1, 2024 at 2:26 AM
I have a chronic fear that every time I misclassify a mineral as a rock, Hank Schrader will appear out of thin air and frame me for cooking meth.