Our earth is vast, and Kansas is full of open skies and land. Yet, somehow, I managed to walk into this pole.

In 1713, the Fortress of Landau was seized by the French. In 2025, this Landau was struck down by French cheese.

Rather than the “bend and snap,” I have a hair spray strategy I call the “snap and bend.” Today, I snapped too hard and almost bent myself into the toilet. Since I did not accidently give myself a swirlie, I choose to believe I am going to have a lucky day.

I would like to apologize to the child who did not receive a valentine from Molly because she decided to save one to give to me. What can I say? I’m better than you, kid.

The Chiefs may have lost, but I would argue that Drake is tonight’s biggest loser.

Look - you can advertise it as a “comfort wax” all you want, but you ain’t gonna trick me. Also - I don’t have a membership because getting waxed is “comforting.” It’s because I want to feel like a baby dolphin.

I feel like I am stopping to ask myself, “is this inside out” far too often lately. I’m not going to share how often it is, in fact, inside out.

Taylor is wearing those boots instead of stilettos for a REASON. She’s gotta walk on that field guys. Don’t let those boots down.

www.tiktok.com/t/ZT2Nn7Gj3/

I got an accent gold nail in honor of my pirate spirit.

I am obsessed with Japanese luxury fruit. I have never purchased any but a girl can dream. Forget jewelry - I want a ruby roman grape or white strawberry. For now, I’ll just go get a melon at Price Chopper and decorate it.

I wanted my hair to swoosh today, but it is swishing instead. I’m livid.