Bell
@eclipsedangel.bsky.social
This is where depressing stuff goes. This may contain mentions or ideations of self-harm or suicide and generally disturbing content. Sorry.
Pinned
Bell
@eclipsedangel.bsky.social
· Jul 23
SHUTDOWN
I felt an urge to do something I didn't want to do in order to punish myself for the past but I recalled you recently seeming opposed to that thinking so I tried to resist punishment. I'm sorry for the past… it's so hard to try to forgive myself. It feels wrong.
I need to trust your forgiveness…
I need to trust your forgiveness…
July 22, 2025 at 10:01 PM
I felt an urge to do something I didn't want to do in order to punish myself for the past but I recalled you recently seeming opposed to that thinking so I tried to resist punishment. I'm sorry for the past… it's so hard to try to forgive myself. It feels wrong.
I need to trust your forgiveness…
I need to trust your forgiveness…
Being alive is such a lame burden
I don't care about accomplishing anything else in life but because I'm alive, I have to keep being or it'll hurt others ^n^
I'm not even in despair, just sick of living with my circumstances and not distracted from them rn
I don't care about accomplishing anything else in life but because I'm alive, I have to keep being or it'll hurt others ^n^
I'm not even in despair, just sick of living with my circumstances and not distracted from them rn
July 21, 2025 at 6:51 PM
Being alive is such a lame burden
I don't care about accomplishing anything else in life but because I'm alive, I have to keep being or it'll hurt others ^n^
I'm not even in despair, just sick of living with my circumstances and not distracted from them rn
I don't care about accomplishing anything else in life but because I'm alive, I have to keep being or it'll hurt others ^n^
I'm not even in despair, just sick of living with my circumstances and not distracted from them rn
It sucks looking at the days before a bad time and seeing everything was normal
It really shows you just went batshit crazy for no reason at all
It really shows you just went batshit crazy for no reason at all
July 21, 2025 at 6:45 PM
It sucks looking at the days before a bad time and seeing everything was normal
It really shows you just went batshit crazy for no reason at all
It really shows you just went batshit crazy for no reason at all
I really missed you...
July 20, 2025 at 7:36 PM
I really missed you...
You have healed me
Thank you
Thank you
July 20, 2025 at 7:21 PM
You have healed me
Thank you
Thank you
Oh oh my
I didn't get notifications for these
I didn't get notifications for these
July 20, 2025 at 5:39 PM
Oh oh my
I didn't get notifications for these
I didn't get notifications for these
I wonder to myself why you don't seem to miss me or want to comfort me but then I remember words of you trying to do that just recently
I didn't feel feelings in them
I didn't believe them
They felt like they were hollow words of pity for a burden you feel you have to deal with
I didn't feel feelings in them
I didn't believe them
They felt like they were hollow words of pity for a burden you feel you have to deal with
July 20, 2025 at 5:36 PM
I wonder to myself why you don't seem to miss me or want to comfort me but then I remember words of you trying to do that just recently
I didn't feel feelings in them
I didn't believe them
They felt like they were hollow words of pity for a burden you feel you have to deal with
I didn't feel feelings in them
I didn't believe them
They felt like they were hollow words of pity for a burden you feel you have to deal with
I wish I knew whether shutting up or talking so you can know I have regret was the better choice of action. I keep thinking I should shut up but if I don't say anything, how will you know I spite myself for my actions or that I haven't given up on you?
Ugh.
I wish I knew anything.
Ugh.
I wish I knew anything.
July 20, 2025 at 4:36 PM
I wish I knew whether shutting up or talking so you can know I have regret was the better choice of action. I keep thinking I should shut up but if I don't say anything, how will you know I spite myself for my actions or that I haven't given up on you?
Ugh.
I wish I knew anything.
Ugh.
I wish I knew anything.
I wish I weren't broken
July 20, 2025 at 4:31 PM
I wish I weren't broken
Ignoring guilt
Ignoring the idea that it's not okay to ignore what happened
Ignoring the idea that it's not okay to ignore what happened
July 20, 2025 at 2:53 PM
Ignoring guilt
Ignoring the idea that it's not okay to ignore what happened
Ignoring the idea that it's not okay to ignore what happened
No no no no no no no no no no no
I don't want to fall to that guilt
If I let it keep preventing me from being healed by you, things will only get worse until we both fade away from each other
I can't do that
I don't want to fall to that guilt
If I let it keep preventing me from being healed by you, things will only get worse until we both fade away from each other
I can't do that
July 20, 2025 at 2:23 PM
No no no no no no no no no no no
I don't want to fall to that guilt
If I let it keep preventing me from being healed by you, things will only get worse until we both fade away from each other
I can't do that
I don't want to fall to that guilt
If I let it keep preventing me from being healed by you, things will only get worse until we both fade away from each other
I can't do that
It's all wrong
I've ruined everything
I've ruined everything
July 20, 2025 at 2:18 PM
It's all wrong
I've ruined everything
I've ruined everything
A terrible chimera of fear, guilt and regret
July 19, 2025 at 8:45 PM
A terrible chimera of fear, guilt and regret
I don't want to hurt you again
I don't want to cause problems again
How do I prevent this from happening without dying?
Please let me be better again forever someday
I don't want to cause problems again
How do I prevent this from happening without dying?
Please let me be better again forever someday
July 19, 2025 at 8:45 PM
I don't want to hurt you again
I don't want to cause problems again
How do I prevent this from happening without dying?
Please let me be better again forever someday
I don't want to cause problems again
How do I prevent this from happening without dying?
Please let me be better again forever someday
Hitting your daughter because the sound of her happiness annoys you
July 19, 2025 at 8:36 PM
Hitting your daughter because the sound of her happiness annoys you
I feel like I shouldn't be allowed to do things and I'm scared of doing things right now too
July 19, 2025 at 8:23 PM
I feel like I shouldn't be allowed to do things and I'm scared of doing things right now too
All I've done today is cry and lay in bed and eat pretzels
July 19, 2025 at 8:13 PM
All I've done today is cry and lay in bed and eat pretzels
Bell wants to be loved and cared for
but her mind wasn't built to be able to understand when she is
but her mind wasn't built to be able to understand when she is
July 19, 2025 at 8:11 PM
Bell wants to be loved and cared for
but her mind wasn't built to be able to understand when she is
but her mind wasn't built to be able to understand when she is
Bleeding cracked doll
It recites its only voice clips as you press the buttons on it
"I love you"
"I'm sorry"
It recites its only voice clips as you press the buttons on it
"I love you"
"I'm sorry"
July 19, 2025 at 8:05 PM
Bleeding cracked doll
It recites its only voice clips as you press the buttons on it
"I love you"
"I'm sorry"
It recites its only voice clips as you press the buttons on it
"I love you"
"I'm sorry"
You tried to be nice to me and reach out to me
Why didn't I recover
That's not how things are supposed to work
Why didn't I recover
That's not how things are supposed to work
July 19, 2025 at 8:00 PM
You tried to be nice to me and reach out to me
Why didn't I recover
That's not how things are supposed to work
Why didn't I recover
That's not how things are supposed to work
I imagine going out to the kitchen to retrieve my coffee with my tears still on my eyes so maybe my job would see and we could make progress towards getting me help
That's silly though
Stupid stupid burdens shouldn't waste the time of capable people whose lives have purpose...
That's silly though
Stupid stupid burdens shouldn't waste the time of capable people whose lives have purpose...
July 19, 2025 at 7:51 PM
I imagine going out to the kitchen to retrieve my coffee with my tears still on my eyes so maybe my job would see and we could make progress towards getting me help
That's silly though
Stupid stupid burdens shouldn't waste the time of capable people whose lives have purpose...
That's silly though
Stupid stupid burdens shouldn't waste the time of capable people whose lives have purpose...
I'm bored
I wish you'd hurt me
Oh hello
This is a goodnight, right?
I wish you'd hurt me
Oh hello
This is a goodnight, right?
July 19, 2025 at 6:15 PM
I'm bored
I wish you'd hurt me
Oh hello
This is a goodnight, right?
I wish you'd hurt me
Oh hello
This is a goodnight, right?
Wake up
Do morning things
Die for 4 hours
Do morning things
Die for 4 hours
July 19, 2025 at 6:12 PM
Wake up
Do morning things
Die for 4 hours
Do morning things
Die for 4 hours