I wasn't even famous & I feel like I have to keep my mouth shut about some of the stuff I experienced or witnessed. Because so many people would have loved to make their living being an artist. It's profoundly fucked up that humans believe certain people deserve the bad things that happen to them.

They grow up hearing 'You're not special!' one minute & 'you're the most special!' the next. Privilege, luck, & ego are used against them. They've been so fortunate while so many other people suffer, they have no room to complain. They internalize everything.

They are groomed to believe that seeing or doing something 'bad' is really actually not that bad. & the amount of sexual abuse that happens??? Holy shit. These people are begging for someone to explain, why me? But at the same time, why not me?

& how long before they realize that taking everything away solves nothing? Who will be left standing when all of the problems are solved? Will anyone ever be truly worthy?

The cruelty of being able to feel empathy for millions of people while The Right is slowly trying to kill them. As they feel nothing but elation because their greatest wishes are finally coming true. If you take everything away from everyone, where does it go? Who is it for? How will they use it?

Pain causes pain that causes pain that causes pain. We hurt each other with impunity because we were hurt by someone else. You can't escape it. Feeling everyone's pain is like a fire hose that I can't turn off. I feel drained from watching people suffering for no reasons other than greed & hatred.

Which is FINE! Just be honest about it! Don't pretend that you care about theatre as an institution. Uuuuugh anyway... I'm realizing that I sound like an asshole so I'm going to stop writing. & I might delete this later.

I'm my opinion, this is one reason theatre is considered a joke to some people & not a cultural art that has endured for thousands of years like it should be. Hacks pretending to take something seriously when they actually don't give a shit about it. They just want to be onstage getting applause.

I'm not bringing this up because I think I'm better than anyone. I'm not. I've done a lot of dumb & irresponsible shit in my life. But it does give me pause to see certain people having so much influence over a community that means so much to me.

I gave up a lot during my theatre career. I missed many once in a lifetime events. I'm not saying those were the correct or even good decisions but it annoys the shit out of me when something means everything to me & you can't even drag your lazy, hungover ass out of bed to fulfill an obligation.

I understand that people change over time but one of them was (is?) a pathological liar (she lied on more than one occasion about family members dying to get out of school & THEATRE obligations). I'm sure I'll sound like bitch &/or snob for saying this but...

Context: I moved back to my hometown in 2016. At the time I thought it was a good decision but now it feels like I'm stuck here. Anyway, as I'm looking at who runs or is heavily involved at the local theatres now, it is mostly people who I didn't like when I lived here decades ago 🙄

Every day I wake up thinking that it's not possible to feel any more disappointed & embarrassed to be a US citizen but then the day starts & the bullshit continues...

Don't let assholes ruin another good thing.