Politics of Attachment | Dylan Smeder
@dylansmeder.bsky.social
Conversations about attachment theory stay personal.
But the work runs deeper—through politics, power, and the ways they shape how we love and feel safe.
I help people cultivate compassion and clarity that includes those realities.
dylansmeder.com
But the work runs deeper—through politics, power, and the ways they shape how we love and feel safe.
I help people cultivate compassion and clarity that includes those realities.
dylansmeder.com
This is why so many women struggle in relationships.
In a system run by men, he mistakes the scraps of compassion women get for “neglect.”
It’s that trad wife energy — but rebranded as victimhood.
In a system run by men, he mistakes the scraps of compassion women get for “neglect.”
It’s that trad wife energy — but rebranded as victimhood.
November 11, 2025 at 4:35 PM
This is why so many women struggle in relationships.
In a system run by men, he mistakes the scraps of compassion women get for “neglect.”
It’s that trad wife energy — but rebranded as victimhood.
In a system run by men, he mistakes the scraps of compassion women get for “neglect.”
It’s that trad wife energy — but rebranded as victimhood.
Musk’s “eliminate poverty” talk feels like a Tinder guy promising marriage to get in your pants. Words are cheap.
November 9, 2025 at 5:43 AM
Musk’s “eliminate poverty” talk feels like a Tinder guy promising marriage to get in your pants. Words are cheap.
Happy Diwali!
October 20, 2025 at 3:47 AM
Happy Diwali!
Awareness is only the first step — it doesn’t rewrite the past or instantly change how we relate. But it does give you a map. With time, effort, and self-compassion, you can practice new ways of responding — slowly building the relationships you want.
October 13, 2025 at 5:01 PM
Awareness is only the first step — it doesn’t rewrite the past or instantly change how we relate. But it does give you a map. With time, effort, and self-compassion, you can practice new ways of responding — slowly building the relationships you want.
Attachment isn’t about fitting neatly into a label — it’s a spectrum. Your patterns aren’t character flaws; they’re strategies your body and mind created to feel safe. And once you see them clearly, you can learn new ways of relating.
October 13, 2025 at 5:01 PM
Attachment isn’t about fitting neatly into a label — it’s a spectrum. Your patterns aren’t character flaws; they’re strategies your body and mind created to feel safe. And once you see them clearly, you can learn new ways of relating.
Some relationships grow deeper with shared effort. Others don’t — and that’s valuable information too. Attachment theory helps you see whether growth is possible or if staying might mean shrinking yourself to make it work.
October 13, 2025 at 4:59 PM
Some relationships grow deeper with shared effort. Others don’t — and that’s valuable information too. Attachment theory helps you see whether growth is possible or if staying might mean shrinking yourself to make it work.
We get so many messages that if love is hard, we’re somehow failing. But most struggles are predictable — and they make sense. When we understand the pattern beneath the pain, we can stop blaming ourselves and make different choices.
October 13, 2025 at 4:58 PM
We get so many messages that if love is hard, we’re somehow failing. But most struggles are predictable — and they make sense. When we understand the pattern beneath the pain, we can stop blaming ourselves and make different choices.
Attachment theory isn’t about labeling people — it’s about understanding how our early experiences shape the ways we reach, retreat, or protect ourselves in relationships. Once we name those patterns, we can start shifting them.
October 13, 2025 at 4:57 PM
Attachment theory isn’t about labeling people — it’s about understanding how our early experiences shape the ways we reach, retreat, or protect ourselves in relationships. Once we name those patterns, we can start shifting them.
We often treat relationship struggles as evidence that we’re broken or unlovable. But they’re not random — they’re shaped by how we learned to feel safe. Your patterns are part of a story, not a flaw.
October 13, 2025 at 4:56 PM
We often treat relationship struggles as evidence that we’re broken or unlovable. But they’re not random — they’re shaped by how we learned to feel safe. Your patterns are part of a story, not a flaw.
You’re not alone.
Healing means remembering your struggles are rooted in #Patriarchy, #Colonialism, and #WhiteSupremacy.
Together we can unlearn survival strategies and rebuild secure love. 💛
#AttachmentCommunity #AttachmentTheory
Healing means remembering your struggles are rooted in #Patriarchy, #Colonialism, and #WhiteSupremacy.
Together we can unlearn survival strategies and rebuild secure love. 💛
#AttachmentCommunity #AttachmentTheory
October 2, 2025 at 4:41 PM
You’re not alone.
Healing means remembering your struggles are rooted in #Patriarchy, #Colonialism, and #WhiteSupremacy.
Together we can unlearn survival strategies and rebuild secure love. 💛
#AttachmentCommunity #AttachmentTheory
Healing means remembering your struggles are rooted in #Patriarchy, #Colonialism, and #WhiteSupremacy.
Together we can unlearn survival strategies and rebuild secure love. 💛
#AttachmentCommunity #AttachmentTheory
#Anxious, #Avoidant, and #FearfulAvoidant styles aren’t flaws.
They’re survival strategies — adaptations when needs weren’t met, shaped by systemic oppression.
#AttachmentCommunity #AttachmentTheory
They’re survival strategies — adaptations when needs weren’t met, shaped by systemic oppression.
#AttachmentCommunity #AttachmentTheory
October 2, 2025 at 4:39 PM
#Anxious, #Avoidant, and #FearfulAvoidant styles aren’t flaws.
They’re survival strategies — adaptations when needs weren’t met, shaped by systemic oppression.
#AttachmentCommunity #AttachmentTheory
They’re survival strategies — adaptations when needs weren’t met, shaped by systemic oppression.
#AttachmentCommunity #AttachmentTheory
#SecureAttachment looks like:
• safety in sharing needs
• openness to others’ needs
• trust that conflict can be repaired
#AttachmentCommunity #AttachmentTheory
• safety in sharing needs
• openness to others’ needs
• trust that conflict can be repaired
#AttachmentCommunity #AttachmentTheory
October 2, 2025 at 4:37 PM
#SecureAttachment looks like:
• safety in sharing needs
• openness to others’ needs
• trust that conflict can be repaired
#AttachmentCommunity #AttachmentTheory
• safety in sharing needs
• openness to others’ needs
• trust that conflict can be repaired
#AttachmentCommunity #AttachmentTheory
#FearfulAvoidant attachment often looks like:
• mistrust mixed with longing for intimacy
• push-pull between closeness and distance
• unstable relationship patterns
#AttachmentCommunity #AttachmentTheory #DisorganizedAttachment
• mistrust mixed with longing for intimacy
• push-pull between closeness and distance
• unstable relationship patterns
#AttachmentCommunity #AttachmentTheory #DisorganizedAttachment
October 2, 2025 at 4:36 PM
#FearfulAvoidant attachment often looks like:
• mistrust mixed with longing for intimacy
• push-pull between closeness and distance
• unstable relationship patterns
#AttachmentCommunity #AttachmentTheory #DisorganizedAttachment
• mistrust mixed with longing for intimacy
• push-pull between closeness and distance
• unstable relationship patterns
#AttachmentCommunity #AttachmentTheory #DisorganizedAttachment
#AvoidantAttachment often looks like:
• withdrawing in conflict
• avoiding vulnerability
• relying only on yourself
#AttachmentCommunity #AttachmentTheory #DismissiveAvoidantAttachment
• withdrawing in conflict
• avoiding vulnerability
• relying only on yourself
#AttachmentCommunity #AttachmentTheory #DismissiveAvoidantAttachment
October 2, 2025 at 4:34 PM
#AvoidantAttachment often looks like:
• withdrawing in conflict
• avoiding vulnerability
• relying only on yourself
#AttachmentCommunity #AttachmentTheory #DismissiveAvoidantAttachment
• withdrawing in conflict
• avoiding vulnerability
• relying only on yourself
#AttachmentCommunity #AttachmentTheory #DismissiveAvoidantAttachment
#AnxiousAttachment often looks like:
• fear of abandonment
• craving reassurance but never feeling settled
• struggling to ask for needs
#AttachmentCommunity #AttachmentTheory #AnxiousPreoccupiedAttachment
• fear of abandonment
• craving reassurance but never feeling settled
• struggling to ask for needs
#AttachmentCommunity #AttachmentTheory #AnxiousPreoccupiedAttachment
October 2, 2025 at 4:32 PM
#AnxiousAttachment often looks like:
• fear of abandonment
• craving reassurance but never feeling settled
• struggling to ask for needs
#AttachmentCommunity #AttachmentTheory #AnxiousPreoccupiedAttachment
• fear of abandonment
• craving reassurance but never feeling settled
• struggling to ask for needs
#AttachmentCommunity #AttachmentTheory #AnxiousPreoccupiedAttachment
#Patriarchy silences needs and emotions.
#Colonialism fractures families and belonging.
#WhiteSupremacy conditions safety on proximity to whiteness.
Insecure attachment grows inside these systems.
#AttachmentTheory #AttachmentCommunity
#Colonialism fractures families and belonging.
#WhiteSupremacy conditions safety on proximity to whiteness.
Insecure attachment grows inside these systems.
#AttachmentTheory #AttachmentCommunity
October 2, 2025 at 4:25 PM
#Patriarchy silences needs and emotions.
#Colonialism fractures families and belonging.
#WhiteSupremacy conditions safety on proximity to whiteness.
Insecure attachment grows inside these systems.
#AttachmentTheory #AttachmentCommunity
#Colonialism fractures families and belonging.
#WhiteSupremacy conditions safety on proximity to whiteness.
Insecure attachment grows inside these systems.
#AttachmentTheory #AttachmentCommunity
Insecure attachment isn’t a flaw.
It’s the byproduct of patriarchy, colonialism, and white supremacy.
Here’s how 👇
#AttachmentCommunity #AttachmentTheory
It’s the byproduct of patriarchy, colonialism, and white supremacy.
Here’s how 👇
#AttachmentCommunity #AttachmentTheory
October 2, 2025 at 4:22 PM
Insecure attachment isn’t a flaw.
It’s the byproduct of patriarchy, colonialism, and white supremacy.
Here’s how 👇
#AttachmentCommunity #AttachmentTheory
It’s the byproduct of patriarchy, colonialism, and white supremacy.
Here’s how 👇
#AttachmentCommunity #AttachmentTheory