Defensis Prime
@defensisprime.bsky.social
The genuine, one-of-a-kind article. Accept no substitutes, knockoffs, or third-party manufactures.
This is what they're all saying, en masse, after last night.
November 5, 2025 at 6:07 PM
This is what they're all saying, en masse, after last night.
Am I s'posedta take a washed-up has-been tosser of a pitcher like Dumb-as-a-rock seriously?
November 5, 2025 at 5:33 PM
Am I s'posedta take a washed-up has-been tosser of a pitcher like Dumb-as-a-rock seriously?
Felt like it took millenia to finish goin' through this box 'cus this adorable little shit kept restaking his claim.
November 5, 2025 at 4:39 AM
Felt like it took millenia to finish goin' through this box 'cus this adorable little shit kept restaking his claim.
Don't ever fuckin' tell me we don't have a surplus population of absolute, willful morons living in this nation.
October 23, 2025 at 3:08 AM
Don't ever fuckin' tell me we don't have a surplus population of absolute, willful morons living in this nation.
You don't have 5 kay? No SHIT, lady--you don't even have MARY Kay! It looks like you used Super Sculpey as foundation.
Conservatives. </rueful headshake> So proud to be trash.
Conservatives. </rueful headshake> So proud to be trash.
October 21, 2025 at 4:23 PM
You don't have 5 kay? No SHIT, lady--you don't even have MARY Kay! It looks like you used Super Sculpey as foundation.
Conservatives. </rueful headshake> So proud to be trash.
Conservatives. </rueful headshake> So proud to be trash.
Some, uh, real talk on Topps BUNT.
DAMMIT.
DAMMIT.
October 14, 2025 at 3:18 AM
Some, uh, real talk on Topps BUNT.
DAMMIT.
DAMMIT.
See, unendorsed.
I actually had to go find a 'standard'-ish MONOPOLY set recently--all my others are various specialty or brand/theme sets.
(and I still didn't even do THAT right, not exactly)
I actually had to go find a 'standard'-ish MONOPOLY set recently--all my others are various specialty or brand/theme sets.
(and I still didn't even do THAT right, not exactly)
October 5, 2025 at 8:47 PM
See, unendorsed.
I actually had to go find a 'standard'-ish MONOPOLY set recently--all my others are various specialty or brand/theme sets.
(and I still didn't even do THAT right, not exactly)
I actually had to go find a 'standard'-ish MONOPOLY set recently--all my others are various specialty or brand/theme sets.
(and I still didn't even do THAT right, not exactly)
Oh. Okay, she's a big fan. Aggressive player, too.
Now I feel like I've been missing something.
(I bought five for my megadeck, same as the, uh, previous and unendorsed four expansion packs)
Actually, it's been an analog-entertainment-chasing day...
Now I feel like I've been missing something.
(I bought five for my megadeck, same as the, uh, previous and unendorsed four expansion packs)
Actually, it's been an analog-entertainment-chasing day...
October 5, 2025 at 8:43 PM
Oh. Okay, she's a big fan. Aggressive player, too.
Now I feel like I've been missing something.
(I bought five for my megadeck, same as the, uh, previous and unendorsed four expansion packs)
Actually, it's been an analog-entertainment-chasing day...
Now I feel like I've been missing something.
(I bought five for my megadeck, same as the, uh, previous and unendorsed four expansion packs)
Actually, it's been an analog-entertainment-chasing day...
Yeah, the subsentient trash is still over there.
I probably needn't check so often, huh.
I probably needn't check so often, huh.
October 3, 2025 at 1:20 AM
Yeah, the subsentient trash is still over there.
I probably needn't check so often, huh.
I probably needn't check so often, huh.
Alpha? Really, Stroker? You think you're A1 hot shit? That Howdy Doody face alongside Generic Mediocrity #3,872 and Charlie Kirk's gums v2.0?
Pfft, A1. Hooo, kiddo. Lemme ask you something. You ever fuck around with Excel and find the last cell, XFD1048576?
If you were a piece of data--
Pfft, A1. Hooo, kiddo. Lemme ask you something. You ever fuck around with Excel and find the last cell, XFD1048576?
If you were a piece of data--
October 1, 2025 at 4:12 PM
Alpha? Really, Stroker? You think you're A1 hot shit? That Howdy Doody face alongside Generic Mediocrity #3,872 and Charlie Kirk's gums v2.0?
Pfft, A1. Hooo, kiddo. Lemme ask you something. You ever fuck around with Excel and find the last cell, XFD1048576?
If you were a piece of data--
Pfft, A1. Hooo, kiddo. Lemme ask you something. You ever fuck around with Excel and find the last cell, XFD1048576?
If you were a piece of data--
September 29, 2025 at 11:52 PM
That Stay Puft Marshmallow skinsuit is really settling into its correct shape on that alien frame of his, isn't it.
Where the FUCK is the rest of the ensemble, though?
And for fuck's SAKE,
Where the FUCK is the rest of the ensemble, though?
And for fuck's SAKE,
September 29, 2025 at 11:51 PM
That Stay Puft Marshmallow skinsuit is really settling into its correct shape on that alien frame of his, isn't it.
Where the FUCK is the rest of the ensemble, though?
And for fuck's SAKE,
Where the FUCK is the rest of the ensemble, though?
And for fuck's SAKE,
That Stay Puft Marshmallow skinsuit is really settling into its correct shape on that alien frame of his, isn't it.
Where the FUCK is the rest of the ensemble, though?
And for fuck's SAKE,
Where the FUCK is the rest of the ensemble, though?
And for fuck's SAKE,
September 29, 2025 at 11:49 PM
That Stay Puft Marshmallow skinsuit is really settling into its correct shape on that alien frame of his, isn't it.
Where the FUCK is the rest of the ensemble, though?
And for fuck's SAKE,
Where the FUCK is the rest of the ensemble, though?
And for fuck's SAKE,
Show me a pic on your phone that has your energy. Not a selfie.
Actually, I don't care all that much--you don't HAVETA show me.
Anyway...
Actually, I don't care all that much--you don't HAVETA show me.
Anyway...
September 28, 2025 at 1:55 AM
Show me a pic on your phone that has your energy. Not a selfie.
Actually, I don't care all that much--you don't HAVETA show me.
Anyway...
Actually, I don't care all that much--you don't HAVETA show me.
Anyway...
So what do we call this thing? The Sword of Power of the Primes, of Primus? The Sword of He Who Embodies Order?
And in comes @silverwynde.bsky.social with "You've Got the Power Sword" and GODDAMMIT...
And in comes @silverwynde.bsky.social with "You've Got the Power Sword" and GODDAMMIT...
September 26, 2025 at 5:37 PM
So what do we call this thing? The Sword of Power of the Primes, of Primus? The Sword of He Who Embodies Order?
And in comes @silverwynde.bsky.social with "You've Got the Power Sword" and GODDAMMIT...
And in comes @silverwynde.bsky.social with "You've Got the Power Sword" and GODDAMMIT...
...they really like putting the Matrix into the hilts of swords these days, don't they...
September 26, 2025 at 3:37 PM
...they really like putting the Matrix into the hilts of swords these days, don't they...
Okay, now I sorta just gotta laugh. If you can only battle a version of me you created in your empty little head, if you haveta mischaracterize me to score a point--
--you don't HAVE a point, boo.
...
...huh. I just had a thought--yeah, huhrhuhrduhr, first time, whatever, shaddap--
--you don't HAVE a point, boo.
...
...huh. I just had a thought--yeah, huhrhuhrduhr, first time, whatever, shaddap--
September 24, 2025 at 1:53 PM
Okay, now I sorta just gotta laugh. If you can only battle a version of me you created in your empty little head, if you haveta mischaracterize me to score a point--
--you don't HAVE a point, boo.
...
...huh. I just had a thought--yeah, huhrhuhrduhr, first time, whatever, shaddap--
--you don't HAVE a point, boo.
...
...huh. I just had a thought--yeah, huhrhuhrduhr, first time, whatever, shaddap--
There you have it, folks, you've been tortured enough this evening--good night!
September 24, 2025 at 4:52 AM
There you have it, folks, you've been tortured enough this evening--good night!
4. Frankly, I'm amazed the rubsign wasn't dislodged--come to think of it, a bit of rubbing would have avoided this entire situation...
September 24, 2025 at 4:45 AM
4. Frankly, I'm amazed the rubsign wasn't dislodged--come to think of it, a bit of rubbing would have avoided this entire situation...
Maybe tomorrow, but right now, here we go, PRIME’S TOP—wait, I shouldn’t really be doing the third-person thing, right? These were MY thoughts, after all...
Okay, PRIME’S TOP TEN THOUGHTS THAT OCCURED TO ME WHEN I SAW THE X-RAY BELOW
Okay, PRIME’S TOP TEN THOUGHTS THAT OCCURED TO ME WHEN I SAW THE X-RAY BELOW
September 24, 2025 at 4:38 AM
Maybe tomorrow, but right now, here we go, PRIME’S TOP—wait, I shouldn’t really be doing the third-person thing, right? These were MY thoughts, after all...
Okay, PRIME’S TOP TEN THOUGHTS THAT OCCURED TO ME WHEN I SAW THE X-RAY BELOW
Okay, PRIME’S TOP TEN THOUGHTS THAT OCCURED TO ME WHEN I SAW THE X-RAY BELOW
…anyway, in honor of the stretch of time between that long and sordid story and today, and now that you’ve all been duly warned or threatened or whatever, may I present:
PRIME’S TOP TEN THOUGHTS THAT OCCURED TO HIM WHEN HE SAW THE X-RAY BELOW
PRIME’S TOP TEN THOUGHTS THAT OCCURED TO HIM WHEN HE SAW THE X-RAY BELOW
September 24, 2025 at 4:26 AM
…anyway, in honor of the stretch of time between that long and sordid story and today, and now that you’ve all been duly warned or threatened or whatever, may I present:
PRIME’S TOP TEN THOUGHTS THAT OCCURED TO HIM WHEN HE SAW THE X-RAY BELOW
PRIME’S TOP TEN THOUGHTS THAT OCCURED TO HIM WHEN HE SAW THE X-RAY BELOW
This shit is probably getting out of hand. As one might imagine of someone with MY name, misidentification grinds my gears a bit.
Looks like another F.A.R.T. from yesterday's discovered idiocy.
Looks like another F.A.R.T. from yesterday's discovered idiocy.
September 23, 2025 at 3:19 PM
This shit is probably getting out of hand. As one might imagine of someone with MY name, misidentification grinds my gears a bit.
Looks like another F.A.R.T. from yesterday's discovered idiocy.
Looks like another F.A.R.T. from yesterday's discovered idiocy.
i'M trAcIng yOu I'm toTAllY trAcIng yOu </fierce masturbation> jUSt yOU waIt
Dang, do I attract the most valueless carbon sludge or what.
Dang, do I attract the most valueless carbon sludge or what.
September 23, 2025 at 3:11 PM
i'M trAcIng yOu I'm toTAllY trAcIng yOu </fierce masturbation> jUSt yOU waIt
Dang, do I attract the most valueless carbon sludge or what.
Dang, do I attract the most valueless carbon sludge or what.