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dadjokesean.bsky.social
Dad Joke Sean
@dadjokesean.bsky.social
160 followers 150 following 510 posts
Old enough to remember dial-up internet, young enough to still pretend I know what I’m doing with new tech
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dadjokesean.bsky.social
Dad Joke Sean @dadjokesean.bsky.social · Dec 26
My wife told me she'll slam my head into the keyboard if I don't get off the computer.

I'm not too worried.

I think she's just jokinsdnbfjadskbngfsjkgbsafgfsgadfgdfgdf

#Dadjoke
dadjokesean.bsky.social
The grocery store had a sign that said “Free Fish!” but I wasn’t excited…

I knew there would be a catch.

#Dadjoke #Joke
September 25, 2025 at 9:37 PM
dadjokesean.bsky.social
My son told me he threw a ball over 100 yards for our dog to catch.

I said that's far fetched.

#Dadjoke #Joke
September 23, 2025 at 9:40 PM
dadjokesean.bsky.social
Just got Gucci tattooed on my balls.

Looks like the wife will get her designer bag after all.

#Dadjoke #Joke
September 22, 2025 at 9:15 PM
dadjokesean.bsky.social
What do you call a flock of sheep falling down a hill?

A lamb-slide

#Dadjoke #Joke
September 21, 2025 at 9:23 PM
dadjokesean.bsky.social
My wife texted me while I was at the store: please don’t forget to pick up some feminine products, it’s urgent! I wrote back, “No problemo!”

Honestly, it caught me off guard how pissed she was when I came home with flowers, lip gloss, scented candles, and a romance novel.

#Dadjoke #Joke
September 20, 2025 at 9:56 PM
dadjokesean.bsky.social
A square, a triangle and a rectangle walk into a bar...

Bartender says "looks like you guys could use a round!"

#Dadjoke #Joke
September 17, 2025 at 9:16 PM
dadjokesean.bsky.social
What do you call a ghost that haunts a chicken coop?

A poultrygeist

#Dadjoke #Joke
September 16, 2025 at 9:26 PM
dadjokesean.bsky.social
I used to have a coworker who was really good at Excel, but unfortunately, always gossiped about everyone else.

She really loved to spreadsheet.

#Dadjoke #Joke
September 15, 2025 at 9:32 PM
dadjokesean.bsky.social
A weasel walks into a bar.

The bartender asks, “What can I get for you?”

“Pop” goes the weasel.

#Dadjoke #Joke
September 14, 2025 at 9:38 PM
dadjokesean.bsky.social
My ex wife used to hit me with stringed instruments.

If only I had known she had a history of violins.

#Dadjoke #Joke
September 13, 2025 at 10:08 PM
dadjokesean.bsky.social
My girlfriend crashed the car again today.

She told the police that the man she collided with was on his mobile phone and drinking a can of beer.

Police said "Mam, he can do what he likes in his own living room."

#Dadjoke #Joke
September 12, 2025 at 10:56 PM
dadjokesean.bsky.social
What letter keeps a Pirate calm?

P, without it they become irate.

#Dadjoke #Joke
September 11, 2025 at 9:46 PM
dadjokesean.bsky.social
Danny almost lost a chess game and got so mad he flipped the table.

Now the tables have turned.

#Dadjoke #Joke
September 10, 2025 at 9:39 PM
dadjokesean.bsky.social
The Cop said, "I'm arresting you for downloading the entire Wikipedia."

I said, "Wait! I can explain everything!"

#Dadjoke #Joke
September 9, 2025 at 9:35 PM
dadjokesean.bsky.social
What do you call a pig that knows karate?

A pork chop!

#Dadjoke #Joke
September 8, 2025 at 9:38 PM
dadjokesean.bsky.social
I just had an officer at my door saying he was looking for a guy with one eye.

I told him to use both and he'd probably find him a lot quicker.

#Dadjoke #Joke
September 7, 2025 at 9:38 PM
dadjokesean.bsky.social
Why did the stadium get hot after the game?

All the fans left!

#Dadjoke #Joke
September 6, 2025 at 9:43 PM
dadjokesean.bsky.social
I reversed into a car in the supermarket carpark, a very irritable dwarf jumped out and said; "I'm not happy!"

I replied, “Which one are you then?"

#Dadjoke #Joke
September 5, 2025 at 10:18 PM
dadjokesean.bsky.social
A waitress asked me if I wanna box for my leftovers.

We went 3 rounds before she knocked me out.

#Dadjoke #Joke
September 4, 2025 at 11:07 PM
dadjokesean.bsky.social
I heard the more colorful your salad, the better it is for you.

So I replaced my croutons with Skittles.

#Dadjoke #Joke
September 3, 2025 at 10:03 PM
dadjokesean.bsky.social
Aladdin has been banned from the upcoming Magic Carpet Race.

He tested positive for using performance enhancing rugs.

#Dadjoke #Joke
September 2, 2025 at 9:23 PM
dadjokesean.bsky.social
I once asked for a Rum and Coke, and the bartender said "Is Pepsi ok?”

I sad: "No, I'd definitely prefer Rum."

#Dadjoke #Joke
September 1, 2025 at 10:04 PM
dadjokesean.bsky.social
My wife gave me an envelope with, “Not to be opened until 2027” on it.

Inside was a list of reasons I cannot be trusted to follow simple instructions.

#Dadjoke #Joke
August 31, 2025 at 9:56 PM
dadjokesean.bsky.social
My anatomy class had to assemble a human skeleton, and I hid one of the arm bones as a joke.

No one found that humerus.

#Dadjoke #Joke
August 30, 2025 at 9:31 PM
dadjokesean.bsky.social
BREAKING:

Taylor and Travis's engagement has been called off.

A video review showed that Travis's knee never actually touched the ground. The ruling on the field is reversed.

#Dadjoke #Joke
August 29, 2025 at 10:17 PM