I think I'm the only guy in the system who gets this stressed over their own existence

And I think it feels like I'm living a weird little lie. I'm using someone else's name and pretending to be him. And it feels weird

I think it's because like. Yes some people online call me by my name if I ask them to. And yes my therapist calls us all by our names too. But we feel fucking mortified talking about this with our irls, even the ones who know we're a system.

Need to stop feeling like everyone is going to attack me and be horrible to me because my brain has weird but generally harmless coping mechanisms. Yeah it's a bit cringe but like. Clearly I'm here for a reason

I don't rly know how to remedy it? We had therapy yesterday and our therapist addresses us all by our names and I was too embarrassed to introduce myself even though I have done so before. It's just like. Oh god. Everyone is gonna know I'm a person who exists

Feel like I need to talk about things but it's literally just bullshit like "brain associate comfort game with trauma and I feel disconnect from reality :("

!!!!!!!

Literally!!!! Like we are Surviving and honestly I am proud of that. Even if we do it in a way that people think is weird. I'm literally traumatised. I'm not hurting anyone by existing and trying to make light of a shitty situation

I would rather draw comics of our alters hanging out and being silly than of us having an Episode

Like I know I just posted silly goofy comic about our fictives but like. The part with arven is a very lighthearted rendition of what has actually been months of legitimate mental torment. We are Not Well

I'm assuming this is diatomaceous earth, in which case, yes, you can buy it online!! It works by dehydrating bugs rather than acting like a poison so you can literally rub it into your pet's fur to help get rid of fleas. Be careful of letting it puff up into the air though, it's not good to inhale.

The headaches usually tend to come these days if we are trying to force smth to happen or very stressed, but for the most part we just go with whoever our brain decides to pick

Wow that sounded incredibly spiteful. I'm not angry I'm just stressed. I just wanna work as a team. And help. I'm trying to help. We are allowed to be us.

See now I'm fucking stressed because KNOWING I'm an alter means knowing that I'm just one part in the brain who believes this and we might turn around and look at this post in an hour and go "I'm a fucking dumbass, we need to be crueler to ourself."

We are literally having panic attacks about our fucked up upbringing and then panicking afterwards about whether it was weird that our brain decided to contextualise that with pokemon characters. Who cares. We are surviving.

Like anyone who genuinely thinks a single disabled trans system who has been through 24 years of constant bullshit is doing something wrong by finding a little solace in the escapism attached to their trauma disorder is just.... dumb?