the fact that he probably wrote his own review and sent it to multiple different podcast review sites for them to publish is somehow worse and more pathetic than anything I could come up with

Secretary of War's favourite streamer is Destiny

I can admit I accidentally mistyped "know" instead of "no" because - unlike the Secretary of War" - I can admit when I fucked it up. I can also admit that this is the second attempt at correcting my mistake.

Secretary of War thinks know one can tell they're shitfaced at 9 PM on a Thursday

Secretary of War begs their coworker to set them up on a date with another coworker

Secretary of War picks "Down With the Sickness" at Yakitori Boy. And yes, they showed up alone.

Secretary of War "liked the song BEFORE it was used on Naruto and DBZ AMVs in the early 2000s"

Secretary of War learned Latin from YouTube

Secretary of War watched every Mission Impossible movie back-to-back but only because they wanted to say they did it

Secretary of War owns The Criterion Collection version of 'Citizen Kane' on Blu-ray

Secretary of War "brags" about being into "really dark shit" when they just look up "stepsister stuck in" on PornHub and click the most recent suggestion

Secretary of War isn't invited to the cookout and was only ever invited to the family BBQ out of obligation. Secretary of War still brings potato salad and makes a joke about being "that guy" because they don't have a conversation starter otherwise

Secretary of War mains Cloud, who is "definitely not a cheap character, he takes real skill to play"