Christopher Monks
@crmonks.bsky.social
Editor of McSweeney’s Internet Tendency. Author of The Ultimate Game Guide to Your Life. Dominator of waiting rooms. Fragile fan of the Dolphins, Sixers, and Red Sox.
I am completely dominating my dentist’s waiting room right now.
November 13, 2025 at 4:00 PM
I am completely dominating my dentist’s waiting room right now.
Maybe the reason why we feel like our elected officials and journalistic institutions have failed us is because our ejected officials and journalistic institutions have failed us?
yeah it's a good thing Landon didn't publish any of this shit. the Times might have had to bump an article about trans people.
bsky.app/profile/arid...
bsky.app/profile/arid...
“would you like photos of donald and girls in bikinis in my kitchen?” -Jeffrey Epstein
November 12, 2025 at 11:18 PM
Maybe the reason why we feel like our elected officials and journalistic institutions have failed us is because our ejected officials and journalistic institutions have failed us?
We’re definitely in the market for satire about today’s leak, but maybe we should just publish them verbatim?
November 12, 2025 at 11:08 PM
We’re definitely in the market for satire about today’s leak, but maybe we should just publish them verbatim?
Thanks for your service, Mayor-Elect Zamdani.
November 8, 2025 at 11:14 PM
Thanks for your service, Mayor-Elect Zamdani.
And these beautiful books behind me? Don’t tell anyone but: it’s the Epstein files.
November 7, 2025 at 11:03 PM
And these beautiful books behind me? Don’t tell anyone but: it’s the Epstein files.
Is he reconsidering because he’s having a stroke?
Big Apple billionaire John Catsimatidis planned to move his business to New Jersey if Zohran Mamdani was elected mayor. Now he’s reconsidering.
Supermarket Billionaire Reacts To Mamdani’s Win
Big Apple billionaire John Catsimatidis planned to move his business to New Jersey if Zohran Mamdani was elected mayor. Now he’s reconsidering.
www.forbes.com
November 7, 2025 at 10:35 PM
Is he reconsidering because he’s having a stroke?
Weird seeing Mr. Monopoly without his top hat, mustache, and cane.
The sense of entitlement from these people. Jesus.
Canadian multimillionaire and Shark Tank guy Kevin O'Leary went on TV to say he's upset Zohran won't talk to him: "I and others who invest in real estate have tried to get a meeting to figure out what's rhetoric and what's policy. So far for me it's been crickets."
November 7, 2025 at 7:47 PM
Weird seeing Mr. Monopoly without his top hat, mustache, and cane.
We were looking for a good quote to set up the satire here, but nothing clicked. Then Douthat’s op-ed dropped late morning, and well, thank you New York Times yet again.
www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/yea...
www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/yea...
Yeah, He Won, but He Was Up Against a Deeply Flawed Candidate
“I’m skeptical. The odds are that Mamdani’s victory is actually less significant than you think.” — Ross Douthat, New York Times
- - -I was as surp...
www.mcsweeneys.net
November 5, 2025 at 11:49 PM
We were looking for a good quote to set up the satire here, but nothing clicked. Then Douthat’s op-ed dropped late morning, and well, thank you New York Times yet again.
www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/yea...
www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/yea...
Looks like it’s the Republicans who should move toward the center.
November 5, 2025 at 2:13 AM
Looks like it’s the Republicans who should move toward the center.
When one of Trump’s toadies says something ridiculous like this they should just pause the interview and wait for a fact checker to confirm or deny it. The awkward silence as they wait for the answer would be riveting television.
TAPPER: Obama's comments came within a day of Trump hosting a Gatsby-themed Halloween party at Mar-a-Lago while SNAP benefits are set to run out. Your response?
BESSENT: I believe President Obama played a record amount of golf of any president, so I'm not sure why he's out there throwing stones
BESSENT: I believe President Obama played a record amount of golf of any president, so I'm not sure why he's out there throwing stones
November 2, 2025 at 2:57 PM
When one of Trump’s toadies says something ridiculous like this they should just pause the interview and wait for a fact checker to confirm or deny it. The awkward silence as they wait for the answer would be riveting television.
Someone should cut this together with Pastor Mark’s sermon on The Lowdown.
Vance says it is "totally reasonable and acceptable" for people to not want to live next door to people who speak a different language than they do
October 30, 2025 at 1:00 PM
Someone should cut this together with Pastor Mark’s sermon on The Lowdown.
Trying our best to dominate the examination room right now.
October 28, 2025 at 3:08 PM
Trying our best to dominate the examination room right now.
Reposted by Christopher Monks
If you went to bed before the conclusion of that 18-inning marathon World Series game, Ray Ratto has a message for you:
If You Went To Sleep, Sorry But You Are Not Forgiven | Defector
I think we can all agree we got cheated last night, and to be technical about it, it was still last night—at least on the West Coast where the nice people live—when Freddie Freeman hit the 609th pitch...
defector.com
October 28, 2025 at 9:03 AM
If you went to bed before the conclusion of that 18-inning marathon World Series game, Ray Ratto has a message for you:
On the plus side, when showed a picture of a giraffe, he can say that it is a giraffe.
Trump is underwater on everything. And massively so on a lot things:
October 27, 2025 at 7:16 PM
On the plus side, when showed a picture of a giraffe, he can say that it is a giraffe.
Good to see folks fighting the good fight on here.
October 26, 2025 at 2:54 PM
Good to see folks fighting the good fight on here.
People can do what they want with their bodies. Go for it, sure. But old white men (old, as in 70+) who dye their hair and beards? They aren’t fooling anyone. So, yeah, fuck off, 81-year-old Larry Ellison. You look like the villain from 10,000 children’s books.
"But it should not be overlooked that if Trump indeed exerts a kind of patronage on behalf of the Ellisons...the repercussions will impact...workers far below the tax bracket of pampered liberal movie stars that MAGA world loves to bash" — @brianlowry.bsky.social
www.status.news/p/ellison-wa...
www.status.news/p/ellison-wa...
Hollywood’s Ellison Fear Factor
An Ellison family takeover of Warner Bros. Discovery could have profound consequences for the entertainment industry—and Trump appears to be putting his thumb on the scale.
www.status.news
October 24, 2025 at 10:29 PM
People can do what they want with their bodies. Go for it, sure. But old white men (old, as in 70+) who dye their hair and beards? They aren’t fooling anyone. So, yeah, fuck off, 81-year-old Larry Ellison. You look like the villain from 10,000 children’s books.
He’s RIGHT. We never got SICK because we were too BUSY getting ABDUCTED by men dressed up as CLOWNS handing out CANDY from their VANS.
October 24, 2025 at 8:44 PM
He’s RIGHT. We never got SICK because we were too BUSY getting ABDUCTED by men dressed up as CLOWNS handing out CANDY from their VANS.
So thrilled to be thrown into the fire of torment and suffering (76ers basketball) again.
October 22, 2025 at 11:04 PM
So thrilled to be thrown into the fire of torment and suffering (76ers basketball) again.
For some strange reason, I could go for a Michelob Ultra right now.
October 22, 2025 at 6:33 PM
For some strange reason, I could go for a Michelob Ultra right now.
I think the internet needs to come together to decide on the right definition of “too on the nose.” Some think it’s a compliment, others not so much. (I am of the latter.)
October 22, 2025 at 12:32 AM
I think the internet needs to come together to decide on the right definition of “too on the nose.” Some think it’s a compliment, others not so much. (I am of the latter.)
I love that the view on the live telecast of this iconic home run is from behind home plate. www.tiktok.com/t/ZTMuqLonc/
Today In 1975: Boston #RedSox pinch-hitter Bernie Carbo belts a three-run HR in the 8th inning vs. Cincinnati #Reds pitcher Rawly Eastwick to tie #WorldSeries Game 6 at Fenway Park! #MLB #Postseason #...
TikTok video by baseballbybsmile
www.tiktok.com
October 22, 2025 at 12:18 AM
I love that the view on the live telecast of this iconic home run is from behind home plate. www.tiktok.com/t/ZTMuqLonc/
Middle-aged white guys with pony tails will be the end of us all. www.bostonglobe.com/2025/10/21/m...
An MIT professor criticized COVID-19 shots. His new role allows him to make recommendations about the vaccine. - The Boston Globe
Retsef Levi may not be a household name, but he is already impacting how every household in the United States will access vaccines.
www.bostonglobe.com
October 21, 2025 at 11:16 PM
Middle-aged white guys with pony tails will be the end of us all. www.bostonglobe.com/2025/10/21/m...
We're winding down our use of X (I know, I know, but despite everything, it's been hard to let go), and at this point, any engagement is a big surprise. Like, how did the two people who liked a post even see it to begin with? What makes them special from our other 250K followers who didn't?
October 21, 2025 at 3:46 PM
We're winding down our use of X (I know, I know, but despite everything, it's been hard to let go), and at this point, any engagement is a big surprise. Like, how did the two people who liked a post even see it to begin with? What makes them special from our other 250K followers who didn't?
Thanks for submitting, but we rarely run pictorials. Plus, I’m not sure even Trump would be ignorant enough to green light this two days after millions held rallies to save our democracy, so the symbolism here comes off a little heavy-handed.
Scoop: Trump has started demolishing the White House's East Wing facade to build his ballroom. The president had claimed construction of the $250 million building wouldn’t ‘interfere’ with the existing White House structure. /W @ddiamond.bsky.social wapo.st/4hqBNiU
White House begins demolishing East Wing facade to build Trump’s ballroom
The president had claimed construction of the $250 million ballroom wouldn’t ‘interfere’ with the existing White House structure.
wapo.st
October 20, 2025 at 7:30 PM
Thanks for submitting, but we rarely run pictorials. Plus, I’m not sure even Trump would be ignorant enough to green light this two days after millions held rallies to save our democracy, so the symbolism here comes off a little heavy-handed.