I swear to god silly bollocks, I’ll get a “rude” slapped on you quicker than you can wink

Dinny go grassin noo

Oh aye

What happens if I call you pie rat bastard? Asking for a chum.

“Rude”

Oh here I go

Or maybe none of it was engineered and you can chalk it down to an error.

Besides, whats the worst thing that can happen? You've just given someone who wasn't planning to become Prime Minister an opportunity to show they could be... oh wait.

Which then lets them emerge completely unscathed while getting a pat from the PM (so he doesn't look weak) and a public clipping around the ear for the ones who briefed against them in the first place.

While appearing on every major channel and racking up prime-time visibility, entirely for free while highlighting the "toxic culture" at the top that drastically "needs change".

Give your guy multiple chances to show composure, principle and leadership under pressure (pretty sure there's a high level job in British politics you need these skills in)…

Whisper unsubstantiated stories that there might be an imminent leadership challenge following the budget.

Sit back knowing Number 10 has a tendency to get paranoid, reactive and desperate and will briefing the wider media trying to quell the coup and show strength and
defiance.

Absolute torrents worth of pish leaving his mouth on a very frequent basis.