Crab Creatures
@crabcreatures.bsky.social
Me make crab. Me make creatures. No AI. No NFTs.
I am giving away my Persian Hooded Corpse Worm. He needs to eat three bags of premium mulch every day and I just can’t afford it anymore. Please help him find a good home.
November 12, 2025 at 7:00 PM
I am giving away my Persian Hooded Corpse Worm. He needs to eat three bags of premium mulch every day and I just can’t afford it anymore. Please help him find a good home.
Today is Sophie’s birthday. We invited all her friends and grilled hamburgers but no one turned up. Even her favourite cigarettes can’t cheer her up.
October 29, 2025 at 6:09 PM
Today is Sophie’s birthday. We invited all her friends and grilled hamburgers but no one turned up. Even her favourite cigarettes can’t cheer her up.
Miguel, I’m sorry I hit you in the head with that hammer. I don’t know why I did it. I really care about you. Please come home.
October 14, 2025 at 6:09 PM
Miguel, I’m sorry I hit you in the head with that hammer. I don’t know why I did it. I really care about you. Please come home.
Took Wesley to the pond today. The little scamp was so excited, he threw up twice.
September 15, 2025 at 5:25 PM
Took Wesley to the pond today. The little scamp was so excited, he threw up twice.
Biggly smashed all the stray cats in the alley, causing the rat population to grow uncontrollably. So begins our joint business venture as rat milkers.
September 4, 2025 at 5:19 PM
Biggly smashed all the stray cats in the alley, causing the rat population to grow uncontrollably. So begins our joint business venture as rat milkers.
Brian kept saying “I am walking over here” in an unacceptable Italian-American accent, so I cast the fungus spell on him. The fungus spell is quickly becoming one of my top 5 spells.
August 20, 2025 at 5:38 PM
Brian kept saying “I am walking over here” in an unacceptable Italian-American accent, so I cast the fungus spell on him. The fungus spell is quickly becoming one of my top 5 spells.
Sticky lost my rarest, most valuable toad, the elusive Rhodesian Blue Foot.
Naturally, he will be spending the next 13 months in The Circle of Torment. If you are interested in becoming my new Toad Keeper, please submit your toad portfolio below.
Naturally, he will be spending the next 13 months in The Circle of Torment. If you are interested in becoming my new Toad Keeper, please submit your toad portfolio below.
August 6, 2025 at 5:54 PM
Sticky lost my rarest, most valuable toad, the elusive Rhodesian Blue Foot.
Naturally, he will be spending the next 13 months in The Circle of Torment. If you are interested in becoming my new Toad Keeper, please submit your toad portfolio below.
Naturally, he will be spending the next 13 months in The Circle of Torment. If you are interested in becoming my new Toad Keeper, please submit your toad portfolio below.
Annabelle more than doubled her milk quota. In order to prevent wastage, each of my followers may take one large sip from the communal milk through. You cannot refuse the sip.
July 13, 2025 at 5:41 PM
Annabelle more than doubled her milk quota. In order to prevent wastage, each of my followers may take one large sip from the communal milk through. You cannot refuse the sip.
Visited g-paw at the old folks home. He says the staff aren’t feeding him. Maybe if he didn’t tell so many lies, he would be in this facility in the first place. Disgusting old coot.
July 3, 2025 at 5:33 PM
Visited g-paw at the old folks home. He says the staff aren’t feeding him. Maybe if he didn’t tell so many lies, he would be in this facility in the first place. Disgusting old coot.
I caught Hogly doing what the youths describe as the “Fent Lean”. I don’t know what that means but I hit him with a stick anyway. I am sick of these children and their new trends.
June 23, 2025 at 6:24 PM
I caught Hogly doing what the youths describe as the “Fent Lean”. I don’t know what that means but I hit him with a stick anyway. I am sick of these children and their new trends.
I must have whipped about 9 of these things to death with my belt just this morning. They weren’t bothering me but they are probably evil because I currently do not feel any remorse.
June 11, 2025 at 5:07 PM
I must have whipped about 9 of these things to death with my belt just this morning. They weren’t bothering me but they are probably evil because I currently do not feel any remorse.
Today we celebrate Ashley’s Quinceanera. Celebrate immediately. Quickly.
May 28, 2025 at 8:09 PM
Today we celebrate Ashley’s Quinceanera. Celebrate immediately. Quickly.
Blasted creature sprayed me with the poison ink. Vile little squid. Rancid little sea slug. Naturally, I am very upset
May 8, 2025 at 6:30 PM
Blasted creature sprayed me with the poison ink. Vile little squid. Rancid little sea slug. Naturally, I am very upset
Dillon has finally started to shed his mortal shell. As per tradition, his skin will be consumed by his younger siblings so that they, too, might grow strong and sprout ☺️.
April 27, 2025 at 6:31 PM
Dillon has finally started to shed his mortal shell. As per tradition, his skin will be consumed by his younger siblings so that they, too, might grow strong and sprout ☺️.
Paul is becoming more silly each day. Yesterday he pulled out of our driveway in his Ford Taurus and didn’t even realise he had reversed over my infant son.
April 16, 2025 at 6:19 PM
Paul is becoming more silly each day. Yesterday he pulled out of our driveway in his Ford Taurus and didn’t even realise he had reversed over my infant son.
You have all been so very kind me. To thank you all, I will be releasing Boris for 12 hours. During this time, you may each pick a child for Boris to hunt and destroy ☺️.
March 28, 2025 at 6:12 PM
You have all been so very kind me. To thank you all, I will be releasing Boris for 12 hours. During this time, you may each pick a child for Boris to hunt and destroy ☺️.
I hate making serious posts but I’m in a bit of a pickle and it can’t hurt to ask.
Please know I won’t be making a habit of posting like this, and I’ll be back to my regular content soon!
Sharing this post is hugely appreciated.
ko-fi.com/crabcreatures
Please know I won’t be making a habit of posting like this, and I’ll be back to my regular content soon!
Sharing this post is hugely appreciated.
ko-fi.com/crabcreatures
March 22, 2025 at 6:16 PM
I hate making serious posts but I’m in a bit of a pickle and it can’t hurt to ask.
Please know I won’t be making a habit of posting like this, and I’ll be back to my regular content soon!
Sharing this post is hugely appreciated.
ko-fi.com/crabcreatures
Please know I won’t be making a habit of posting like this, and I’ll be back to my regular content soon!
Sharing this post is hugely appreciated.
ko-fi.com/crabcreatures
Maurice ate two dozen oysters at the seafood buffet and threw up on the carpet. We both refuse to clean it up. It is festering.
March 20, 2025 at 6:07 PM
Maurice ate two dozen oysters at the seafood buffet and threw up on the carpet. We both refuse to clean it up. It is festering.
The vile wizard turned me into a slug. I’m not hating it. I can eat as much dirt as I want without getting a bad tummy, and I can stick to more surfaces. Yet to see a downside tbh.
March 11, 2025 at 6:12 PM
The vile wizard turned me into a slug. I’m not hating it. I can eat as much dirt as I want without getting a bad tummy, and I can stick to more surfaces. Yet to see a downside tbh.
Jennifer has been charged with arson and destruction of government property after she set fire to a police cruiser in the parking lot of her local Pizza Hut. She is utterly remorseless because she is, in fact, a clam.
March 3, 2025 at 6:57 PM
Jennifer has been charged with arson and destruction of government property after she set fire to a police cruiser in the parking lot of her local Pizza Hut. She is utterly remorseless because she is, in fact, a clam.
I took Gina out berry picking with me today. The little rascal ate a handful of raspberries and about 6 squirrels.
February 25, 2025 at 6:10 PM
I took Gina out berry picking with me today. The little rascal ate a handful of raspberries and about 6 squirrels.
No funny crouching man this week because sick. I substitute art for picture of my dog. Her name is Bilbo and she is stupid ugly stupid idiot stupid.
February 20, 2025 at 6:44 PM
No funny crouching man this week because sick. I substitute art for picture of my dog. Her name is Bilbo and she is stupid ugly stupid idiot stupid.
Which one of you disgusting cretins told Jessica about the ocean? Now it’s all she talks about. I refuse to give her more than one bottle of Dasani per day.
February 13, 2025 at 7:35 PM
Which one of you disgusting cretins told Jessica about the ocean? Now it’s all she talks about. I refuse to give her more than one bottle of Dasani per day.
I found this bat on my property so I sprayed it with poison. Now I’m in trouble because she was “endangered” and “highly intelligent” and “capable of complex emotions and higher cognition”.
February 5, 2025 at 6:11 PM
I found this bat on my property so I sprayed it with poison. Now I’m in trouble because she was “endangered” and “highly intelligent” and “capable of complex emotions and higher cognition”.
