Clare Blackwood
@clareblackwood.bsky.social
Actor/comedian/writer. Words in The Beaverton, CBC Comedy, McSweeney’s, etc. Pierre Poilievre's personal assistant Mandy. she/her clareblackwood@gmail.com https://buymeacoffee.com/clareblackwood
Pinned
Listening to radio ads right now is like "Canadians are strong. Canadians are tough. Canadians never back down. Canadians deserve the best. That's why at Bob's Lube Garage, we know your tire lube should smell like poutine and Lake Erie fish,"
I wrote my first ever pilot in a week and I'm as proud as a dude on a dating app holding his freshly-caught fish
November 14, 2025 at 12:00 AM
I wrote my first ever pilot in a week and I'm as proud as a dude on a dating app holding his freshly-caught fish
this isn't moving the goalposts, this is blowing the fucking goalposts up so the pedophiles in charge of the united states can play ball in hell
in case you're wondering how the cope is going www.mediamatters.org/megyn-kelly/...
November 13, 2025 at 11:08 PM
this isn't moving the goalposts, this is blowing the fucking goalposts up so the pedophiles in charge of the united states can play ball in hell
Reposted by Clare Blackwood
This @clareblackwood.bsky.social sketch is going to keep being relevant.
November 13, 2025 at 7:00 PM
This @clareblackwood.bsky.social sketch is going to keep being relevant.
I just learned that Ezra Levant has me blocked on Twitter even though we've literally never interacted and I have never personally attacked him with the power of *checks notes* jokes. I feel all warm and fuzzy inside, happy Thursday y'all ☺️
November 13, 2025 at 2:58 PM
I just learned that Ezra Levant has me blocked on Twitter even though we've literally never interacted and I have never personally attacked him with the power of *checks notes* jokes. I feel all warm and fuzzy inside, happy Thursday y'all ☺️
every one of these released epstein emails is like "hello, yes, i am indeed future president donald j trump. wasn't it fun when i did sex crimes? ha ha, so glad we are friends, jeffrey epstein! don't tell anyone tho :) anyway let me tell you all about my 13-year-old sex slave"
November 13, 2025 at 12:36 AM
every one of these released epstein emails is like "hello, yes, i am indeed future president donald j trump. wasn't it fun when i did sex crimes? ha ha, so glad we are friends, jeffrey epstein! don't tell anyone tho :) anyway let me tell you all about my 13-year-old sex slave"
that one guy on tinder who says he's only single because "all his ex-girlfriends are crazy"
www.cbc.ca/news/politic...
www.cbc.ca/news/politic...
Poilievre says he is not reflecting on his leadership style after MP departures | CBC News
Conservative Leader Pierre Poilievre said Wednesday he is not reflecting on his leadership style after two MPs announced they were leaving his caucus — including one who cited the leader's "negative" ...
www.cbc.ca
November 12, 2025 at 10:26 PM
that one guy on tinder who says he's only single because "all his ex-girlfriends are crazy"
www.cbc.ca/news/politic...
www.cbc.ca/news/politic...
For the price of one Blue Jays' season ticket I could probably go back to school for sports management and become the new Blue Jays' manager able to watch all the games from the bloody dugout
November 12, 2025 at 6:00 PM
For the price of one Blue Jays' season ticket I could probably go back to school for sports management and become the new Blue Jays' manager able to watch all the games from the bloody dugout
With John Schneider not getting AL Manager of the Year, the Blue Jays have officially been snubbed so hard this awards season that they need to win it all next year out of pure spite.
November 12, 2025 at 2:24 AM
With John Schneider not getting AL Manager of the Year, the Blue Jays have officially been snubbed so hard this awards season that they need to win it all next year out of pure spite.
Really not loving this period of time in which my first instinct when someone sends me a video on social media is to immediately check if it's AI or not
November 11, 2025 at 9:37 PM
Really not loving this period of time in which my first instinct when someone sends me a video on social media is to immediately check if it's AI or not
writing a pilot based on poilievre's by-election campaign is turning out to be far more entertaining for me than it has any right to be
November 11, 2025 at 7:09 PM
writing a pilot based on poilievre's by-election campaign is turning out to be far more entertaining for me than it has any right to be
the internet and its wonderful people have given me so many lovely things ⚾💙
November 11, 2025 at 4:05 PM
the internet and its wonderful people have given me so many lovely things ⚾💙
I am currently writing a comedy TV pilot inspired by Pierre Poilievre's election loss and subsequent Alberta by-election, and when I came up with this idea I truly didn't think about the fact that doing so would mean having to watch a lot of his interviews. Please send help, I never wanted this
November 11, 2025 at 3:20 AM
I am currently writing a comedy TV pilot inspired by Pierre Poilievre's election loss and subsequent Alberta by-election, and when I came up with this idea I truly didn't think about the fact that doing so would mean having to watch a lot of his interviews. Please send help, I never wanted this
I stay away from Twitter as much as I can these days, but I make an exception for my fave Blue Jay Kevin Gausman. Go off, pitching king, you are singlehandedly healing my broken baseball heart with your delightful spelling of potpourri
November 10, 2025 at 8:07 PM
I stay away from Twitter as much as I can these days, but I make an exception for my fave Blue Jay Kevin Gausman. Go off, pitching king, you are singlehandedly healing my broken baseball heart with your delightful spelling of potpourri
so if I'm understanding this correctly, the democrats are giving the republican party exactly what it wants in exchange for the political equivalent of lucy and the football?
November 10, 2025 at 1:58 AM
so if I'm understanding this correctly, the democrats are giving the republican party exactly what it wants in exchange for the political equivalent of lucy and the football?
Jesus Christ, StubHub, give a woman time to grieve
November 9, 2025 at 9:32 PM
Jesus Christ, StubHub, give a woman time to grieve
I forget about the arrival of Canadian winter every year in the same way I forget about my period every month: because it sucks and I hate it
November 9, 2025 at 8:05 PM
I forget about the arrival of Canadian winter every year in the same way I forget about my period every month: because it sucks and I hate it
HOW WAS BASEBALL ONE WEEK AGO WHAT THE HELL
November 9, 2025 at 3:53 PM
HOW WAS BASEBALL ONE WEEK AGO WHAT THE HELL
my body responds to stress by becoming so perpetually exhausted that all I want to do is sleep so I can forget about the stress, which I don't think my ancestors had in mind when they were running from, like, sabertooth tigers
November 9, 2025 at 12:05 AM
my body responds to stress by becoming so perpetually exhausted that all I want to do is sleep so I can forget about the stress, which I don't think my ancestors had in mind when they were running from, like, sabertooth tigers
it's true, every workplace I've ever had has burned to the ground because I had too many opinions and rights! pweaze take them away, US Government! send me back to the kitchen! 🥹👉🏼👈🏼
November 8, 2025 at 5:40 PM
it's true, every workplace I've ever had has burned to the ground because I had too many opinions and rights! pweaze take them away, US Government! send me back to the kitchen! 🥹👉🏼👈🏼
On the one hand, I already miss baseball
On the other, I am getting SO much more work done
On the other, I am getting SO much more work done
November 8, 2025 at 3:36 AM
On the one hand, I already miss baseball
On the other, I am getting SO much more work done
On the other, I am getting SO much more work done
Hi, I'm Kevin O'Leary, millionaire, Trump lover, Canadian, fraud, bad investor, and person who worships income disparity and believes people in poverty should admire the 1%. Here is why I am extremely angry and confused that I was not Zohran Mamdani's first priority and favourite special little boy
November 7, 2025 at 9:07 PM
Hi, I'm Kevin O'Leary, millionaire, Trump lover, Canadian, fraud, bad investor, and person who worships income disparity and believes people in poverty should admire the 1%. Here is why I am extremely angry and confused that I was not Zohran Mamdani's first priority and favourite special little boy
When I bring the cheque to the table and everyone starts fighting over who gets to pay
November 7, 2025 at 6:40 PM
When I bring the cheque to the table and everyone starts fighting over who gets to pay
new haircut means you can't sit with me
November 7, 2025 at 4:57 PM
new haircut means you can't sit with me
Wherein I suggest Mark Carney is planning to defend our country with an oil-filled moat that's perpetually on fire
We're giving the military how much?! With @clareblackwood.bsky.social @ianmmacintyre.bsky.social and @mmmegan.bsky.social
November 6, 2025 at 9:31 PM
Wherein I suggest Mark Carney is planning to defend our country with an oil-filled moat that's perpetually on fire
Reposted by Clare Blackwood
We all need a dream. Help Clare throw a heater right across the Blue Jays home plate! (chewing tobacco optional)
I have decided that my only goal for 2026 is to somehow throw the first pitch at a Blue Jays game on behalf of @thebeaverton.com. We can make it happen, friends. I believe in us.
November 6, 2025 at 3:03 AM
We all need a dream. Help Clare throw a heater right across the Blue Jays home plate! (chewing tobacco optional)