Pre game hockey interview: I am going to get out there and kill the guys on the other team

Post game hockey interview: Obviously, killing is wrong and my heart is with those guys who lost a teammate tonight

Liking posts past midnight causes your credit score to go down

*entra às pressas no bunker pós apocalíptico*
ONDE ELE ESTÁ? ONDE ESTA JÚPITER MATHEUS
*levanta um figurante pelo colarinho*
ME DIGA ONDE ELE ESTÁ

admita: você também fez isso

a bunch of u are sucking up to all the new brazilian bluesky users in a cheap and tawdry attempt to get more followers and i gotta say that first of all it’s very unseemly and second of all i highly doubt it’ll work because they’re far too intelligent and attractive to fall for such an obvious ploy

Saying “type of shit I’ve been on lately” and attaching an image of some shit I most definitely am not on lately

interviewer: you know how to paint elephants, right?

guy who really needs a job: haha yeah of course

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