7yo Garrett: *sprints down a gravel road* "yay we're all having fun"

31yo Garrett: *steps on sons Lego* "As soon as I'm back from the ER I'm gonna beat you"

I'm going through a lot right now. Currently, my neighbors sock drawer

If aliens come down from the sky I am calling my mom

me: you won’t guess who I saw last week

coworker: was it Bradl-

me: I said you WILL. NOT. GUESS. I WILL TELL YOU