I do not wish to die.

I will, however, spend my last breath saving others from what the educated of us recognize as a deeply dark evil this nation and world has known before.

While I will not commit an act of violence except in the direct self-defense of myself or another, our fascist leaders are seen by me for who they are, and I oppose them in ever way I possibly can.

Dear NSA, Secret Service, and whoever else is paying attention.

So within a month or so, I'll be in Pittsburgh starting a new adventure. Sober, writing, gaming, and enjoying this next part of my life as much as possible.

My eternal gratitude to all of you for your ongoing support.

'll have desperately-needed access to health care again, and no longer be impoverished.

(Not having rent or a new mortgage means the house sale will become a very solid nest egg for me.)

On the other side of this, I have an opportunity to live comfortably with a dear friend who has plenty of space for me in Pittsburgh, PA. I will be able to sell this house and the attendant property for a very nice sum (and quickly). I

There are too many not-good memories here, and not enough opportunity to enjoy company and what the area has to offer.

...my van all-but-inoperable, leaving me isolated on this Mountain; an absolutely devastating heartbreak; and, of course, the current state of the States.

It was anything but - terrible relapse; the painful crawl back from that; discovering Disability will take *much* longer than anticipated and being forced to beg for help just to stay afloat...

:: hugs ::

Indeed! Story of my life.

So every day, I want to drink to deal with the crises, stress, anxiety, and trauma of my own life; the lives of others I care about and cannot help; and the world at large.

I have to talk myself out of it.

Every.

Single.

Day.

It all went downhill from there.

(Others around me - like Carinn - noticed and tried to get through to me, but I wasn't listening.)

Ultimately, as I tried to work in a "normal field" as a technical writer, the stress and anxiety of never being sure I knew what to do or how to do it got me day-drinking every day.

Of course, self-medication became a huge part of my drinking as my pain levels increased dramatically. When I got my hip replaced, they went down considerably; I kicked all the opioids I was on, but not the drinking... because I still didn't think I had a problem.