It’s every parent’s nightmare, isn’t it? you check your child’s bulletproof backpack and find a picture book about gay penguins

Because you’re a cunt.

Not sure I’ve seen quite this much ‘whipping up of the crowd’ before, to so little effect

I think it might be time for the aliens to do whatever they need to do

De Bruyne looks absolutely finished to me

Arsenal are gutless, Liverpool will sadly end up walking to the title

One nice way to feel better about yourself is to imagine what Steve Irwin would say about you if you were a little snake he found in the desert

@blackhallrecords.bsky.social @dictator.bsky.social Hello! My signed copy arrived today and sounds brilliant, but you’ve accidentally sent me two copies! I don’t want you to be out of pocket or someone else miss out on a signed copy - can you pls let me know how best to get one of them back to you?

If I was shrunk to HO scale, my first priority would be to visit Rod Stewart’s beloved model railway. I don’t know what I would do after that and would probably be in a pretty dark place psychologically.

If there’s a legitimate possibility of a club pricing out its match-going support to move to a new stadium, and cutting ties to its local community whilst cutting funds to its established charities, and selling its best youth players from the local area, who is that club for? What is that club for?

Dry Jan is what I call your mum

I’m old enough to remember when the crowd at Old Trafford didn’t boo their own players. Embarrassing reaction to that Zirkzee substitution.

Listening to Puressence and painting a ceiling. It’s a long time since I’ve been this happy

Today I’ve made a cottage pie and fixed a gate. Honestly, what a guy I am.

You should just be able to import your Twitter following list into this bastard thing.