@Bauart
@bauart.bsky.social
David is a skilled designer, artist, and musician who has worked in broadcast television, advertising, print, and interactive design. Sometimes he's funny.
JB Pritzker to Trump…
THERE ARE FOUR LIGHTS!!!
THERE ARE FOUR LIGHTS!!!
September 2, 2025 at 11:42 PM
JB Pritzker to Trump…
THERE ARE FOUR LIGHTS!!!
THERE ARE FOUR LIGHTS!!!
Drunk me ordered a turtle pond and 2lbs of feed. Sober me now has a turtle pond and four reptilian friends. Decisions were made, nobody was harmed.
Carry it on… what’s your story?
#TurtlePond
Carry it on… what’s your story?
#TurtlePond
June 8, 2025 at 6:12 AM
Drunk me ordered a turtle pond and 2lbs of feed. Sober me now has a turtle pond and four reptilian friends. Decisions were made, nobody was harmed.
Carry it on… what’s your story?
#TurtlePond
Carry it on… what’s your story?
#TurtlePond
I bet it was really confusing back in the BCE era when clocks ran backwards.
April 15, 2025 at 2:42 AM
I bet it was really confusing back in the BCE era when clocks ran backwards.
Welcome Americans, please take your seats. The “Find Out” part of the show is about to begin.
Enjoy!
Enjoy!
February 8, 2025 at 1:46 AM
Welcome Americans, please take your seats. The “Find Out” part of the show is about to begin.
Enjoy!
Enjoy!
“If only you could see what I’ve seen with your eyes”. — Roy Batty (Blade Runner)
My choice for the single best sentence in science fiction writing of all time.
My choice for the single best sentence in science fiction writing of all time.
January 20, 2025 at 12:44 AM
“If only you could see what I’ve seen with your eyes”. — Roy Batty (Blade Runner)
My choice for the single best sentence in science fiction writing of all time.
My choice for the single best sentence in science fiction writing of all time.
Navy is beating the Army, and the game is on land! How embarrassing.
December 14, 2024 at 9:11 PM
Navy is beating the Army, and the game is on land! How embarrassing.
Boss: “Give us an update on your plan. It’s been 4-years, we’re super excited!”
Me: “I’ve got the concepts of a plan. You’re going to love them!”
Boss: “Ok go ahead”.
Me: “I’ll be releasing them soon”
Boss: “A preview?”
Me: “Super excited to share. So great. Amazing!!”
Boss: “Somebody call HR”
Me: “I’ve got the concepts of a plan. You’re going to love them!”
Boss: “Ok go ahead”.
Me: “I’ll be releasing them soon”
Boss: “A preview?”
Me: “Super excited to share. So great. Amazing!!”
Boss: “Somebody call HR”
December 12, 2024 at 1:16 AM
Boss: “Give us an update on your plan. It’s been 4-years, we’re super excited!”
Me: “I’ve got the concepts of a plan. You’re going to love them!”
Boss: “Ok go ahead”.
Me: “I’ll be releasing them soon”
Boss: “A preview?”
Me: “Super excited to share. So great. Amazing!!”
Boss: “Somebody call HR”
Me: “I’ve got the concepts of a plan. You’re going to love them!”
Boss: “Ok go ahead”.
Me: “I’ll be releasing them soon”
Boss: “A preview?”
Me: “Super excited to share. So great. Amazing!!”
Boss: “Somebody call HR”
Everyone you know who played trumpet in your high school band can tell you one thing with 100% absolute certainty...
Mangione could do no wrong.
#FeelsSoGood
Mangione could do no wrong.
#FeelsSoGood
December 10, 2024 at 1:37 AM
Everyone you know who played trumpet in your high school band can tell you one thing with 100% absolute certainty...
Mangione could do no wrong.
#FeelsSoGood
Mangione could do no wrong.
#FeelsSoGood
DoorDash $11 Tacos:
Tax: $2.50
Tip: $4
Delivery fee: $0
Service fee: $23
Management Fee : $18
Fee fee: $35
Service management fee: $24
Taco sauce: $12
Plastic spork: $8
Non-absorbent paper towel: $4
Courtesy Discount: -$2
Total: $134.50
Tax: $2.50
Tip: $4
Delivery fee: $0
Service fee: $23
Management Fee : $18
Fee fee: $35
Service management fee: $24
Taco sauce: $12
Plastic spork: $8
Non-absorbent paper towel: $4
Courtesy Discount: -$2
Total: $134.50
December 8, 2024 at 7:05 AM
DoorDash $11 Tacos:
Tax: $2.50
Tip: $4
Delivery fee: $0
Service fee: $23
Management Fee : $18
Fee fee: $35
Service management fee: $24
Taco sauce: $12
Plastic spork: $8
Non-absorbent paper towel: $4
Courtesy Discount: -$2
Total: $134.50
Tax: $2.50
Tip: $4
Delivery fee: $0
Service fee: $23
Management Fee : $18
Fee fee: $35
Service management fee: $24
Taco sauce: $12
Plastic spork: $8
Non-absorbent paper towel: $4
Courtesy Discount: -$2
Total: $134.50
My cat is always telling me these stories about all the other cats who have died of starvation after not being fed promptly at 4:30am every morning. Just wondering if any of you can confirm?!
(I sometimes think he is less than truthful with me).
(I sometimes think he is less than truthful with me).
December 5, 2024 at 2:45 PM
My cat is always telling me these stories about all the other cats who have died of starvation after not being fed promptly at 4:30am every morning. Just wondering if any of you can confirm?!
(I sometimes think he is less than truthful with me).
(I sometimes think he is less than truthful with me).
“Go ahead… Sh*t into one hand and dream into the other, then tell me which one fills up first!”
— Landman TV premiere
— Landman TV premiere
December 4, 2024 at 5:57 AM
“Go ahead… Sh*t into one hand and dream into the other, then tell me which one fills up first!”
— Landman TV premiere
— Landman TV premiere
I’ll be watching for when his close supporters get their “find out” moment. They always do.
Usually it’s a quiet time for each, 3am on a Thurs, subpoena on the kitchen table, an empty bottle of scotch on its side, when the depth of how f*cked they are seeps in. Those are the moments I will savor.
Usually it’s a quiet time for each, 3am on a Thurs, subpoena on the kitchen table, an empty bottle of scotch on its side, when the depth of how f*cked they are seeps in. Those are the moments I will savor.
December 2, 2024 at 4:23 AM
I’ll be watching for when his close supporters get their “find out” moment. They always do.
Usually it’s a quiet time for each, 3am on a Thurs, subpoena on the kitchen table, an empty bottle of scotch on its side, when the depth of how f*cked they are seeps in. Those are the moments I will savor.
Usually it’s a quiet time for each, 3am on a Thurs, subpoena on the kitchen table, an empty bottle of scotch on its side, when the depth of how f*cked they are seeps in. Those are the moments I will savor.
“You think you’re in America!? ZOOM OUT!! You live on a meaningless space rock hurtling through infinite nothingness!!”
— Comedian Pete Holmes
#perspective
— Comedian Pete Holmes
#perspective
November 30, 2024 at 2:40 AM
“You think you’re in America!? ZOOM OUT!! You live on a meaningless space rock hurtling through infinite nothingness!!”
— Comedian Pete Holmes
#perspective
— Comedian Pete Holmes
#perspective
I bought some Nutter Butter Peanut Butter Sandwich Cookies today that I used to LOVE as a kid. I’d forgotten how they taste like Sleestaks and smell of Gilligan’s Island!
November 29, 2024 at 11:09 PM
I bought some Nutter Butter Peanut Butter Sandwich Cookies today that I used to LOVE as a kid. I’d forgotten how they taste like Sleestaks and smell of Gilligan’s Island!
Although less news worthy..., "Black Friday" is traditionally followed by "Destitute Saturday" and "Impoverished Sunday".
November 28, 2024 at 2:49 PM
Although less news worthy..., "Black Friday" is traditionally followed by "Destitute Saturday" and "Impoverished Sunday".
My Blue Sky ratings are off the charts!!
“@Bauart is that movie you never saw but thought you might see on a Thursday by yourself” — Fresh Tomatoes
“Blue Sky isn’t a thing, and anyone can be kinda famous there, but @Bauart is the best, not famous, def won’t be celebrity. Follow him now!!! — IDBM
“@Bauart is that movie you never saw but thought you might see on a Thursday by yourself” — Fresh Tomatoes
“Blue Sky isn’t a thing, and anyone can be kinda famous there, but @Bauart is the best, not famous, def won’t be celebrity. Follow him now!!! — IDBM
November 18, 2024 at 3:17 AM
My Blue Sky ratings are off the charts!!
“@Bauart is that movie you never saw but thought you might see on a Thursday by yourself” — Fresh Tomatoes
“Blue Sky isn’t a thing, and anyone can be kinda famous there, but @Bauart is the best, not famous, def won’t be celebrity. Follow him now!!! — IDBM
“@Bauart is that movie you never saw but thought you might see on a Thursday by yourself” — Fresh Tomatoes
“Blue Sky isn’t a thing, and anyone can be kinda famous there, but @Bauart is the best, not famous, def won’t be celebrity. Follow him now!!! — IDBM
My Christmas wish list to survive more Trump:
- Noise-Canceling Headphones
- Lifetime Supply of Tums
- “Moving to Canada for Dummies”
- Red Hat That Just Says “Help.”
- “Trump Funeral” Snow Globe
- 4-Year Netflix Subscription
- An Emotional Support Cactus
- Four Year Hour Glass
- GOP Decoder Ring
- Noise-Canceling Headphones
- Lifetime Supply of Tums
- “Moving to Canada for Dummies”
- Red Hat That Just Says “Help.”
- “Trump Funeral” Snow Globe
- 4-Year Netflix Subscription
- An Emotional Support Cactus
- Four Year Hour Glass
- GOP Decoder Ring
November 17, 2024 at 7:11 PM
My Christmas wish list to survive more Trump:
- Noise-Canceling Headphones
- Lifetime Supply of Tums
- “Moving to Canada for Dummies”
- Red Hat That Just Says “Help.”
- “Trump Funeral” Snow Globe
- 4-Year Netflix Subscription
- An Emotional Support Cactus
- Four Year Hour Glass
- GOP Decoder Ring
- Noise-Canceling Headphones
- Lifetime Supply of Tums
- “Moving to Canada for Dummies”
- Red Hat That Just Says “Help.”
- “Trump Funeral” Snow Globe
- 4-Year Netflix Subscription
- An Emotional Support Cactus
- Four Year Hour Glass
- GOP Decoder Ring
All those who use questionable capitalization aren’t delusional, but 100% of the delusional use questionable capitalization.
November 11, 2024 at 7:06 PM
All those who use questionable capitalization aren’t delusional, but 100% of the delusional use questionable capitalization.
Today.......... is.......... Type like..... William.......... Shatner Day.
November 11, 2024 at 7:06 PM
Today.......... is.......... Type like..... William.......... Shatner Day.
I've been showing off my new "laser pointer" at the cineplex. Everyone screams with delight. Some people toss me candy and drinks!
November 11, 2024 at 7:05 PM
I've been showing off my new "laser pointer" at the cineplex. Everyone screams with delight. Some people toss me candy and drinks!
If "Earth Day" had more beer, silly hats and polka tunes... I think we could take it galactic!
November 11, 2024 at 7:05 PM
If "Earth Day" had more beer, silly hats and polka tunes... I think we could take it galactic!
If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
November 11, 2024 at 7:05 PM
If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
I'm SO GLAD we had the time change and now have more daylight hours. My productivity has skyrocketed! It’s changed my life and how I do business!
... said no one ever.
... said no one ever.
November 11, 2024 at 7:05 PM
I'm SO GLAD we had the time change and now have more daylight hours. My productivity has skyrocketed! It’s changed my life and how I do business!
... said no one ever.
... said no one ever.
Ok… I’m gonna need someone to ‘splain to me why On-Hold phone music still sounds like it’s being played on a battery powered cassette deck from 1972?
November 11, 2024 at 7:04 PM
Ok… I’m gonna need someone to ‘splain to me why On-Hold phone music still sounds like it’s being played on a battery powered cassette deck from 1972?
Wikipedia says "Groundhog Day" is an ancient folklore about a Bear, not a groundhog.
I feel cheated.
I feel cheated.
November 11, 2024 at 7:04 PM
Wikipedia says "Groundhog Day" is an ancient folklore about a Bear, not a groundhog.
I feel cheated.
I feel cheated.