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The Babylon Bee
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Fake news you can trust.

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Special Needs People Demand Nation Stop Comparing Them To Tim Walz

https://babylonbee.com/news/special-needs-people-demand-nation-stop-comparing-them-to-tim-walz/?utm_source=fediverse
Special Needs People Demand Nation Stop Comparing Them To Tim Walz
U.S. — Americans with cognitive disabilities and other special needs have demanded that people stop comparing them to Tim Walz.
babylonbee.com
December 6, 2025 at 10:27 PM
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Nigerian Prince Scammed By Somali Immigrant

https://babylonbee.com/news/nigerian-prince-scammed-by-somali-immigrant/?utm_source=fediverse
Nigerian Prince Scammed By Somali Immigrant
LAGOS, NIGERIA — In yet another case of fraud perpetrated by Somalis, a Nigerian prince fell prey to an online scam perpetrated by a Somali immigrant.
babylonbee.com
December 6, 2025 at 10:10 PM
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Fans Worry Sale Of WB To Netflix Could Turn Comic Book Movies Into Soulless Cash Grabs

https://babylonbee.com/news/fans-worry-sale-of-wb-to-netflix-could-turn-comic-book-movies-into-soulless-cash-grabs/?utm_source=fediverse
Fans Worry Sale Of WB To Netflix Could Turn Comic Book Movies Into Soulless Cash Grabs
U.S. — Movie fans across the country have expressed concern that Warner Bros' sale to Netflix could lead to comic book movies becoming over-bloated, soulless cash grabs.
babylonbee.com
December 6, 2025 at 9:12 PM
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Jehovah’s Witness Family Takes Drive To Look At All The Houses With No Christmas Lights

https://babylonbee.com/news/jehovahs-witness-family-takes-drive-to-look-at-all-the-houses-with-no-christmas-lights/?utm_source=fediverse
Jehovah’s Witness Family Takes Drive To Look At All The Houses With No Christmas Lights
PASADENA, CA — A family of Jehovah's Witnesses continued their annual tradition of piling into the car and going for a drive to look at houses without Christmas lights.
babylonbee.com
December 5, 2025 at 9:16 PM
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Taylor Swift Hoping Travis Kelce Forgot They’re Engaged

https://babylonbee.com/news/taylor-swift-hoping-travis-kelce-forgot-theyre-engaged/?utm_source=fediverse
Taylor Swift Hoping Travis Kelce Forgot They’re Engaged
KANSAS CITY, MO — Rumors swirled that the Kansas City Chiefs' disappointing season had led one of the world's biggest celebrities to reconsider her future, with Taylor Swift hoping that Travis Kelce had forgotten that they were engaged.
babylonbee.com
December 5, 2025 at 8:16 PM
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Game Of Monopoly Narrowly Avoided

https://babylonbee.com/news/game-of-monopoly-narrowly-avoided/?utm_source=fediverse
Game Of Monopoly Narrowly Avoided
CAMILLA, GA — A routine family game night almost ended in disaster after a young child asked to play Monopoly. Fortunately for everyone involved, better heads prevailed, and the game of Monopoly was narrowly avoided.
babylonbee.com
December 5, 2025 at 7:49 PM
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Family Just One Accidentally Opened Hotel Water Bottle Away From Bankruptcy

https://babylonbee.com/news/family-just-one-accidentally-opened-hotel-water-bottle-away-from-bankruptcy/?utm_source=fediverse
Family Just One Accidentally Opened Hotel Water Bottle Away From Bankruptcy
ANAHEIM, CA — Dad and budget hawk Kevin Peterson told his kids that the family was just one accidentally opened hotel minibar waterbottle away from complete financial ruin.
babylonbee.com
December 5, 2025 at 7:05 PM
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Mom Scours Toy Aisle In Search Of Perfect Christmas Present For Child To Break In Four Seconds

https://babylonbee.com/news/mom-scours-toy-aisle-in-search-of-perfect-christmas-present-for-child-to-break-in-four-seconds/?utm_source=fediverse
Mom Scours Toy Aisle In Search Of Perfect Christmas Present For Child To Break In Four Seconds
READING, PA — According to sources, a local mother was carefully looking through the toy aisles of a nearby store for the perfect present that her child would break in four seconds.
babylonbee.com
December 5, 2025 at 5:33 PM
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Junior Cartel Member Excited To Already Be Getting To Drive Boat

https://babylonbee.com/news/junior-cartel-member-excited-to-already-be-getting-to-drive-boat/?utm_source=fediverse
Junior Cartel Member Excited To Already Be Getting To Drive Boat
CARACAS — A young employee's burgeoning career took a massive step forward this week, as a junior cartel member was excited to find out that he was already getting an opportunity to drive the boat.
babylonbee.com
December 5, 2025 at 5:02 PM
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Clever Drug Trafficker Turns Himself In So Trump Will Pardon Him Instead Of Blow Him Up

https://babylonbee.com/news/clever-drug-trafficker-turns-himself-in-so-trump-will-pardon-him-instead-of-blow-him-up/?utm_source=fediverse
Clever Drug Trafficker Turns Himself In So Trump Will Pardon Him Instead Of Blow Him Up
CALEXICO, CA — Venezuelan drug mule-turned-drug lord Gilberto Juarez turned himself in to U.S. federal law enforcement on Thursday so that President Donald Trump would pardon him instead of blowing him up.
babylonbee.com
December 4, 2025 at 10:17 PM
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Jan 6 Pipe Bombing Suspect Disinvited From FBI Christmas Party This Year

https://babylonbee.com/news/jan-6-pipe-bombing-suspect-disinvited-from-fbi-christmas-party-this-year/?utm_source=fediverse
Jan 6 Pipe Bombing Suspect Disinvited From FBI Christmas Party This Year
WOODBRIDGE, VA — Local man Brian Cole Jr. reportedly had his invitation to the annual FBI Christmas Party rescinded after being arrested under suspicion that he was the January 6 Pipe Bomber.
babylonbee.com
December 4, 2025 at 7:31 PM
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Child Who Looks Like Perfect Angel While Sleeping Transforms Into Demonic Hellion Upon Waking Up

https://babylonbee.com/news/child-who-looks-like-perfect-angel-while-sleeping-transforms-into-demonic-hellion-upon-waking-up/?utm_source=fediverse
Child Who Looks Like Perfect Angel While Sleeping Transforms Into Demonic Hellion Upon Waking Up
MILWAUKEE, WI — In one of the greatest deceptions known to mankind, a child who spent her entire nap looking like a perfect little angel while asleep transformed into a demonic hellion immediately upon waking up.
babylonbee.com
December 4, 2025 at 7:16 PM
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Walz Reminds Nation Not All Somali Rapists Are Bad People

https://babylonbee.com/news/walz-reminds-nation-not-all-somali-rapists-are-bad-people/?utm_source=fediverse
Walz Reminds Nation Not All Somali Rapists Are Bad People
MINNEAPOLIS, MN — Amid national outrage over Somali immigrants in Minneapolis raping people all the time, Minnesota Governor Tim Walz held a press conference to assure concerned citizens that not all Somali rapists are bad people.
babylonbee.com
December 4, 2025 at 6:33 PM
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An Anonymous Source Has Revealed To Us That The Washington Post's Journalists All Still Wet The Bed And Wear Paw Patrol Pajamas (Which Are For Dumb Little Babies) […]
Original post on gameliberty.club
gameliberty.club
December 4, 2025 at 6:17 PM
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Well, Looks Like They’re Still Making LaCroix

https://babylonbee.com/news/well-looks-like-theyre-still-making-lacroix/?utm_source=fediverse
Well, Looks Like They’re Still Making LaCroix
U.S. — In a surprising new revelation that was sure to raise eyebrows across the country, a new investigation revealed that, yes, it looks like they're still making LaCroix.
babylonbee.com
December 4, 2025 at 6:03 PM
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'Black Hawk Down' Remake To Be Filmed In Minneapolis

https://babylonbee.com/news/black-hawk-down-remake-to-be-filmed-in-minneapolis/?utm_source=fediverse
'Black Hawk Down' Remake To Be Filmed In Minneapolis
MINNEAPOLIS, MN — A remake of the popular 2001 war film Black Hawk Down was reportedly in development at Columbia Pictures, with producers eyeing downtown Minneapolis as the primary filming location.
babylonbee.com
December 4, 2025 at 5:46 PM
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Op-Ed: What’s The Use Of Having A 2nd Amendment If I’m Not Allowed To Drive Around The Neighborhood Gunning Down Christmas Inflatables? […]
Original post on gameliberty.club
gameliberty.club
December 3, 2025 at 11:03 PM
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Minnesota Vikings Change Name To Minnesota Somali Pirates

https://babylonbee.com/news/minnesota-vikings-change-name-to-minnesota-somali-pirates/?utm_source=fediverse
Minnesota Vikings Change Name To Minnesota Somali Pirates
EAGAN, MN — In a move intended to better reflect the state's modern demographics and generate more interest in the team from the populace, the Minnesota Vikings announced that they were changing their name to the Minnesota Somali Pirates.
babylonbee.com
December 3, 2025 at 8:47 PM
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Trump's 2025 Spotify Wrap Reveals He Listened To 'God Bless The USA' 160,000 Times

https://babylonbee.com/news/trumps-2025-spotify-wrap-reveals-he-listened-to-god-bless-the-usa-160000-times/?utm_source=fediverse
Trump's 2025 Spotify Wrap Reveals He Listened To 'God Bless The USA' 160,000 Times
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Americans received further proof that their president remained laser-focused on nothing but leading the country, as Donald Trump's Spotify Wrap revealed that he listened to "God Bless the USA" 160,000 times this year.
babylonbee.com
December 3, 2025 at 8:32 PM
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Catholics And Orthodox Finally Unite To Denounce Wham's 'Last Christmas'

https://babylonbee.com/news/catholics-and-protestants-finally-unite-to-denounce-whams-last-christmas/?utm_source=fediverse
Catholics And Orthodox Finally Unite To Denounce Wham's 'Last Christmas'
ISTANBUL — In a remarkable moment of Church history, leaders of the Catholic and Orthodox Churches have come together to officially denounce Wham's "Last Christmas".
babylonbee.com
December 3, 2025 at 7:46 PM
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Is It A War Crime? Ask The Babylon Bee

https://babylonbee.com/news/is-it-a-war-crime-ask-the-babylon-bee/?utm_source=fediverse
Is It A War Crime? Ask The Babylon Bee
With accusations flying of war crimes on the high seas, you may find yourself asking: what really constitutes a war crime? Let us help unpack this complex issue and break down what does and doesn't make someone a war criminal:
babylonbee.com
December 3, 2025 at 7:16 PM
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Great Commission Fulfilled: Woman Purchases ‘All I Need Is Coffee And Jesus’ Mug

https://babylonbee.com/news/great-commission-fulfilled-woman-purchases-all-i-need-is-coffee-and-jesus-mug/?utm_source=fediverse
Great Commission Fulfilled: Woman Purchases ‘All I Need Is Coffee And Jesus’ Mug
BOULDER, CO — Local woman Denise Manthei fulfilled the Great Commission today by purchasing a mug proclaiming that all she needs is coffee and Jesus.
babylonbee.com
December 3, 2025 at 6:16 PM
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Democrats Accuse Luke Skywalker Of War Crimes For Using More Than One Proton Torpedo Against Death Star

https://babylonbee.com/news/democrats-accuse-luke-skywalker-of-war-crimes-for-using-more-than-one-proton-torpedo-against-death-star/?utm_source=fediverse
Democrats Accuse Luke Skywalker Of War Crimes For Using More Than One Proton Torpedo Against Death Star
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In addition to calling for Secretary of War Pete Hegseth to resign due to his oversight of military drone strikes against drug boats, Democrats also accused Luke Skywalker of war crimes for using more than one proton torpedo against the Death Star.
babylonbee.com
December 3, 2025 at 5:34 PM
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8 Tips To Take Your Megachurch Christmas Eve Service To The Next Level

https://babylonbee.com/news/8-tips-to-take-your-megachurch-christmas-eve-service-to-the-next-level/?utm_source=fediverse
8 Tips To Take Your Megachurch Christmas Eve Service To The Next Level
It's Christmas time again, and if you're a megachurch pastor (or one of the 38 members of the pastoral staff), you know that a few robes and cardboard cut-outs of animals won't cut it. You have to take it up a notch. Or a hundred notches.
babylonbee.com
December 3, 2025 at 12:01 AM
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TSA Warns Anyone Who Doesn't Acquire A Real ID Will Be Sent To Line Manned By Creepy Kevin

https://babylonbee.com/news/tsa-warns-anyone-who-doesnt-acquire-a-real-id-will-be-sent-to-line-manned-by-creepy-kevin/?utm_source=fediverse
TSA Warns Anyone Who Doesn't Acquire A Real ID Will Be Sent To Line Manned By Creepy Kevin
SPRINGFIELD, VA — As the Department of Homeland Security sought to tighten security across the board for travelers around the country, the Transportation Security Administration announced that anyone who doesn't acquire a Real ID by the appointed deadline will be sent to a screening line manned by Creepy Kevin.
babylonbee.com
December 2, 2025 at 9:46 PM