Avery Edison
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averyedison.com
Avery Edison
@averyedison.com
12K followers 300 following 2.1K posts
ludicrously clever • briefly a comedian • not going to get yelled at • trans woman (she/her) • good stuff at onlyfans.com/averyedison
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averyedison.com
imagining the person who is putting little stickers that say “autogynephellia” on traffic light posts and thinking to themselves “I’m normal, this is a normal thing I’m doing”
a grey metal traffic post on a wet street. a long white cable runs up it, and to the left of the cable is a small square sticker with a white background, trans flag colours with a QR code (obscured in the Photos app with some black pen before the picture was uploaded) and the words “Google autogynephillia”
October 31, 2025 at 1:52 PM
averyedison.com
important to have a friend you can discuss every new On Cinema development with
WhatsApp messages, sent by Avery Edison: “it’s so dark. And once again, On Cinema identifies something about American culture that’s juuuuust about to boil over. Millions of Americans are about to age into these awful places and get the shock of a lifetime”
October 30, 2025 at 2:15 PM
averyedison.com
This was a joke I wrote in 2013 for the “how to”(???) issue of my zine(???) Framed Egg(???). Stumbled on it while reviewing my files recently. What a perfect little joke. What a weird little project.
The joke from the previous post (“How do you get fired from Carnegie Hospital? Malpractice, malpractice, malpractice.”) in red and white text on the bottom of what is apparently page 11.
October 22, 2025 at 6:26 PM
averyedison.com
september 13th 2025 / I like going to sleep with my makeup still on, because there’s no consequences. you wake up looking tired, but in a chic way. you were busy, you were perhaps at an Event
Selfie of Avery, a white woman with brown shoulder-length hair and blue eyes behind black cat-eye glasses. She’s wearing a low cut black t-shirt with no bra, and her eye makeup is a little smudged under her eyes. She’s smiling, eyebrows up a little (showing some lines on her forehead) and her hair is loose, with some fly-aways. She’s sitting in a bed, in front of a white metal frame and two framed pieces of art on a light green wall. Background is blurred
September 13, 2025 at 2:11 PM
averyedison.com
Everything just feels so On Cinema, all the time.
Charlie Kirk’s empty chair on the Charlie Kirk show
September 12, 2025 at 8:43 PM
averyedison.com
Alternate funny response: “No, but I am a Wilson heart.”
WhatsApp message: u a House head? Response: I've seen half of the first season, all of season five, most of season six, assorted clips of everything else, I really like Teardrop by Massive Attack, and I do a great Anne Dudek (also of The Book Group fame) impression.
September 8, 2025 at 10:40 PM
averyedison.com
so, uh, who do I know who wrote for the rookie feds and are they mad at me??
July 7, 2025 at 1:06 PM
averyedison.com
Spent my gaming time over the past few days hacking away at the “Who Needs Relics?” achievement in Slay the Spire. Had a lovely discard deck run get absolutely crushed by Time Eater, so when this similar one was pootling along I had was really nervous. Time Eater, again. But this time I was ready.
Slay the Spire run recap screen. Victory for the Silent in 1hr11mins, Ascension 0, the lone relic is Pandora’s Box, the deck is big on discard and discard synergies—Acrobatics, Tactician, Prepared, Sneaky Strike, etc.
June 26, 2025 at 11:32 PM
averyedison.com
not sure what's on the official list because I do not read the failing new york times, but it was fun to look back over my ratings and put this together. some terrible choices in here, and I only kept out Away We Go and Brick because I didn't want to be a parody of myself
Some of the 10 best movies of the 21st century. Avery's choice: my ballot. Best In Show (2000) Waiting for Guffman is a more complete movie, and A Mighty Wind is more emotionally rich, but Best In Show is the funniest. Wall-to-wall jokes, and they never get old. Memories of Murder (2003) I watched this and read The Pledge in the same week, so they’re tied together for me, I can’t think of one without the other, and I can’t think about policing without thinking of either. Children of Men (2006) There was a point at which I got sick of the "Children of Men is a documentary!!!" jokes, but I've come back around on them. A perfect vision of an empire at the end of managed decline. The Prestige (2006) Corny pick. I'm so ridiculously in the tank for Nolan, and I think this is his best. I love process directors (it's strange there's no Fincher in this list) and I love the Swiss watch shit going on here. Inside Man (2006) Two Clive Owen films in one list! He's very good! And so is everyone else in this movie! A dozen award-worthy performances from some huge names, a fun heist plot, a beautiful soundtrack. Some of the 10 best movies of the 21st century. Avery's choice: my ballot. It’s a Disaster (2012) The funniest movie that nobody has seen. Sex House (2012) Technically a web series, but Letterbox lets you log it, so. The Onion did cool stuff with that Web 2.0 money. Another entry in this list which documents and predicts our current moment and the coming nightmare. Starred Up (2013) Brutal, nihilistic, impeccably well-acted. My most bizarre “comfort movie” pick. Green Room (2015) Possibly the best-paced film on this list? This movie just fucking goes, it’s relentless. Remember when it was briefly, like, a rallying cry? “The lessons of Green Room”, etc. Nasty gore, catharsis, a little humor. Get Out (2017) I think we take Get Out for granted. It’s in the running for the most assured directorial debut, right? Scary every time you watch it, with two Oscar-worthy performances (Kaluuya and Keener both robbed IMO), and the collective intake of breath in the theatre when that cop car turns up at the end? C’mon.
June 23, 2025 at 10:50 PM
averyedison.com
I mean, come on. One of these for each of my players, tailored to their characters? Different airline passes for each? Handouts like this parcelled out via. WhatsApp during the long weeks between sessions to keep them hyped? Simply on another level.
Text, a fake boarding pass, and image of Yosemite. Text: Pack Your Bags. Ah, the Fourth of July. You may not be much of a patriot (especially after recent events have left you disillusioned with reality itself, let alone the chunk of it commonly referred to as the United States of America), but you'd have to be dead inside to not appreciate a holiday weekend Time away from work means time away from classes, time away from colleagues bothering you with pointless gossip, and time away from the temptations of the fairer half of the student body. Speaking of which, maybe what today needs is a quick call to your latest. She mentioned that she'd be enjoying fireworks with her family tomorrow, but the 3rd of July isn't anything-surely she's free. No sooner do you reach for the telephone than it starts ringing of its own accord. Is she calling you? Can't tear herself away, huh? A familiar voice on the end of the line crushes your hopes and sends a chill down your spine. It's him. The man with the burns. He wastes no time. "Apologies for the late notice, Agent, but you've been activated for an operation. I wouldn't normally call like this, but we're running on a very tight schedule. Pack your bags, essentials only. You're heading to California. Someone will meet you and your fellow D-cell members at the airport. Any questions?" You have a thousand. But you know better than to ask. The voice starts up again. "Tickets with you momentarily. Make your own excuses this time, we haven't been able to put anything into play yet. I'll say it again: tight. Schedule." You hear him take a drag from his cigarette. "Sorry for ruining your weekend. Happy Fourth." He hangs up, and you do the same, stunned. Pack, you need to pack. What even are your essentials? And wait... The airport? Do you need to buy a ticket? As if in answer, you hear a knock at your front door. By the time you open it, whoever was there is gone. But they've left behind an envelope. Business class.
June 17, 2025 at 8:46 PM
averyedison.com
june 12th 2025 / took the train to go play delta green in That London
Selfie of Avery, a white woman with light brown shoulder-length hair, sitting in a train. She’s wearing black cat-eye glasses, an olive green button-up with a black t-shirt beneath, and a black chain necklace. she has blue eyes, light makeup, and a warm smile
June 13, 2025 at 6:03 PM
averyedison.com
june 11th 2024 / just my luck to schedule my annual haircut on the hottest day in weeks. ignore the sweatiness and breeze-blown frizz plz
a selfie of Avery, a white woman with shoulder-length light brown hair (with grey streaks) standing in a room with white walls and an assortment of postcard-size pieces of art behind her. she is wearing black cat-eye glasses and a torn grey shirt with an owlbear on it
June 11, 2025 at 4:53 PM
averyedison.com
also I made this to get them hype for the session. text is a delta green copypasta that seems to date from 2014(?), but with a few changes from me. I think it looks cool. the world is bad and things aren't fantastic for me personally but I sure am excited about playing this game.
trainspotting-style poster featuring Matthew mcconaghey as from true detective. he is in black-and-white, and an orange bar covers his eyes. and orange bar at the bottom of the image is overlaid with white text reading "delta green". the bulk of the image is a bunch of text: Choose federal law enforcement. Choose the military. Choose NASA or the CDC. Choose lying to your superiors. Choose to ruin your career. Choose no friends. Choose divorce. Choose black site diets. Choose to watch the footage once, then scrub the drive twice. Choose the acceptable loss of seventeen civilians because you had to torch a rural town no one will miss. Choose plausible deniability. Choose the lie that this time it mattered. Choose blazing away at mind numbing, sanity crushing things from beyond the stars, wondering whether you'd be better off stuffing the barrel in your own mouth. Choose The [REDACTED] in [REDACTED] and waking up wondering who you are. Choose the mission. Choose a 9mm retirement plan. Choose going out with a bang at the end of it all, PGP encrypting your last message down a securely laid cable as a wetworks squad busts through your door. Choose one last Night at the Opera. Choose Delta Green.
June 11, 2025 at 12:36 PM
averyedison.com
this is happening tomorrow. promised the players a cheat sheet to refer to during the session, I think this covers the most vital stuff?
white paper, black text. in the background, a faded, black logo of a triangle. Avery’s DG Cheat Sheet. Rolling Dice. Most dice rolls are for skill tests. You roll a D100 (two D10s) and try roll equal to or under your skill percentage to pass the test. Doubles (11, 22, 33…) under your skill are critical successes. Doubles over it are fumbles. These have special consequences the Handler (Avery) will describe whenever they come up. 001 is always a critical success. 100 (a 00 and 0 on the two D10s) is always a fumble. Important stats. If your HP hits 0, you are dead. If your sanity hits 0, you are permanently insane. If your willpower hits 0, you are catatonic. The only one of these states from which you can recover is catatonia. HP is difficult to heal. You can protect your HP by avoiding combat at all costs. Sanity is difficult to claw back. You can prevent sanity loss by spending willpower to project your trauma onto your bonds. Willpower is easier to recover than HP and sanity. Bonds are damaged during projection and take time between missions to restore. Combat. Combat consists of turns. A turn represents 1-2 seconds. You take one action per turn. There are many specific combat actions described in the mechanics of the game, but most boil down to attacking or defending. Describe to the Handler the general idea of what you want to do, and they’ll tell you which action applies and what to roll. Roleplay tips. Say what your character says or does. Don’t worry about being wrong. Don’t overthink things, go on instinct. Remember that you’re not trying to “win” the game, you’re trying to tell a good story. The Handler is your friend and ally, even when they’re controlling in-game enemies. If you’re ever unsure what to roll, or if you need suggestions for next steps for your team to take, never hesitate to ask your Handler for help.
June 11, 2025 at 12:36 PM
averyedison.com
(and the rest)
• Anthropologist or Historian (a professor, perhaps? or a museum curator? a think-tank analyst?) • Computer Scientist or Engineer (the early '9os are an exciting time for a tech geek) • Police Officer (ACAB, except pretend cops in RPGs. maybe) • Federal Agent (FBI, open up!) • Physician (standard doctor, or god-complex-having surgeon?) • Scientist (are you a pure research-head, a big double-blind guy? or on the payroll at a genetics company, racing to clone Dolly?) • Special Operator (U.S. Army Special Forces, SEALs, USMC Raiders, FBI Hostage Rescue Team, CIA Special Operations Group... the greatest democracy in history has no end of highly specialized "kill people" jobs) Text: (It's perhaps important to say that you don't need to know anything about these jobs or have real life knowledge or skills applicable to them. We will not be pulling anyone up for playing a NYPD beat cop who doesn't know how to read someone their Miranda Rights.) Okay, this went longer than intended, but we're very well covered now. If you have any questions or want to bounce ideas around, feel free to email me or get my number from to message me on WhatsApp. I'm very much looking forward to our session, we really are going to have a fantastic time around the table.
June 2, 2025 at 12:49 PM
averyedison.com
going to be running Delta Green in a week for this friend and a few of his mates. none of them play TTRPGs, so I threw this together and sent them a link. who remembers static html pages??
A large green triangle superimposed over six black and white images—a soldier, a ghoul, a skeleton, a crash victim, a parachute test, an alien autopsy, and a strange gun. Over the triangle, the words: Let’s get ready for Delta Green [REDACTED] 2025 Then, more text: What are we going to be doing? We'll be playing a TTRPG (tabletop role-playing game) called Delta Green. You'll take on the role of an Agent recruited by a secret group in the U.S. government to look for and face down horrifying unnatural threats to humanity in early-1990s New York City. It'll be like you're inside an episode of a TV show that combines The X-Files (the good seasons) with True Detective (the good season). Text: I'm [REDACTED]’s friend Avery, and I'll be the Handler (what the Delta Green system calls the game master). I will: guide you and your fellow players through character creation; describe scenes and environments; control and voice non-player characters; and keep the story moving. You will: investigate strange occurrences; make tough choices; and confront forces which defy human understanding. Do I need to bring anything? Not really! I'll provide everything we need: character sheets, pencils, dice, reference materials, and handouts. We'll create everyone's characters together at the table on the night and then throw them into a mission scenario I've prepared. If you happen to already have a set of polyhedral dice (the Dzo system kind), feel free to bring them along, it's always good to have more dice to roll. Other than that, maybe pack a light snack like a bag of crisps or a chocolate bar (or both. I, personally, will bring both, and a bottle of Cherry Coke), for when we're two hours in and your brain wants some fuel. Role-playing can demand a surprising amount of energy. Text: The most important things for you to bring (and this sounds a little cringe, but that's true of whole endeavour, honestly) are your imagination and excitement. TTRPGs reward earnestness and commitment to the bit. We will absolutely laugh at how silly it all is, but after the session is over you will walk away kind of feeling like everything your character went through actually happened to you. It's an experience unique to this type of game. TTRPGs have the juice. Do I need to read anything before the session? Besides this page, no. I'll teach everyone at the table the rules of the game as they come up in play. After character creation, I'll also hand out a short cheat sheet to help with anything you might want to double-check during the session (I'll have my own cheat sheets, too; there's a lot for the Handler to keep track of). That said, if you do want to peek under the hood before game night, I've uploaded a PDF of Need to Know, Delta Green's official beginner's guide, here. It's a short booklet providing a brief overview of the rules, the setting's backstory, and some notes on the tone of the game. (Head's up: I've removed the last few pages of the pdf to avoid spoilers for the mission well be playing.) I really don't have to do anything except show up? Showing up is sometimes harder than it sounds-scheduling and cancellations are the twin banes of the TTRPG scene. I value showing up to the night a thousand times more highly than reading some 200-page tome of rule edge cases or buying a special set of dice. However, there is one small thing I need you to do: take a look at the following list of professions and pick one that stands out to you as interesting. The profession you choose will form the backbone of your character. All of these professions are capable of carrying out an important and useful role in the story we'll all be telling together, so go with what seems most compelling to you.
June 2, 2025 at 12:49 PM
averyedison.com
Open the schools (and show everyone in said schools the following Claudia O’Doherty clip)
May 22, 2025 at 2:30 PM
averyedison.com
england in winter: the memory of the pit in your stomach on a sunday afternoon, school tomorrow and it seems all the closer because it’s already dark at 3pm

england in spring:
one of the small ponds in sefton park. a clear blue sky, deep and vibrant, over a dozen trees of various sizes, all covered in bright green leaves, one of them is a hanging tree of some kind (not a weeping willow, but like that) and it lazily droops it’s branches into the still water on the right side of the image. the water reflects the sky and the trees, a little darker because it’s in shade.
May 18, 2025 at 9:38 AM
averyedison.com
Given his involvement with the show, and the sketch’s indictment of the human willingness to be humiliated on TV, I have to consider this segment from Jon Benjamin Has A Van to be an early glimpse into Nathan Fielder’s thesis.
May 13, 2025 at 6:04 PM
averyedison.com
“Don’t be sad, I’ve had a great life.”
A screenshot from the 4th On Cinema Live Oscar Special in which Tim’s deceased son, Tom Cruise, Jr. is “brought back to life” as a hologram who reassures his parents that they did nothing wrong.
May 6, 2025 at 11:34 AM
averyedison.com
april 30th 2025 / hottest day of the year so far, so I simply had to go on a long bike ride along the water
Close-up selfie of Avery, a white woman with black cat-eye glasses and a black bicycle helmet. She is wearing a black tank top and silver crescent moon necklace. The background shows residential buildings and greenery. She is bathed in golden hour light. A tranquil coastal scene at low tide. The foreground is dominated by mudflats exhibiting intricate patterns etched by the receding water. In the middle ground, a calm body of water stretches towards a distant shoreline, where a faint line of trees and buildings can be seen against a clear, bright blue sky.
April 30, 2025 at 10:03 PM
averyedison.com
watched Conspiracy (2001) last night and can’t stop thinking about it
Letterboxd review: Feels wrong to give this a star rating or praise the performances, but Jesus Christ this is an incredible film. Compelling, electric, tense, and Branagh is utterly terrifying, using his magnetism and upper class charisma to silence a room with a hand waved apology. Tucci is fantastic too, a highly-competent wretch. Firth blows the roof off with the most despicable monologue I’ve ever heard.  It’s devastating, watching this is devastating. This meeting happened, and the things they planned in this meeting happened, and every man in there deserved justice, and so few of them received it. As the table is cleared and the floors cleaned you feel sick to your stomach, and then those title cards come up: time served; released early; died decades later. And you feel even worse. We know now that the Nazis won—their ideology and their goals had to go into hiding for a while, change a few nouns and verbs, but they won. The West, as it currently exists, is the long tail of Hitler’s Reich. The innovation this film documents is the application of the factory line to genocide. The equivalent manufacturing “miracle” of the 21st century is outsourcing, and that is how America—the country that took in Nazis and put them to work—does its genocides now: its ghetto program is outsourced to Israel, its concentration camps to El Salvador. How smoothly the meetings must run—in contrast to the arguments of Wannsee—when you can simply say, “We’ll deport them and then someone else will handle the rest.” We’re lucky there is no God, because he would not forgive us.
April 25, 2025 at 5:20 PM
averyedison.com
actually, I’ll go further: this bizarre re-writing of reality to pretend that public toilets are simultaneously a perfect sanctuary AND a place of unique vulnerability and increased incidence of gendered violence.
Tweet by Avery Edison from the 4th of April 2023: this bizarre re-writing of history to pretend public toilets have always been thought of like “ah, my one perfect sanctuary from male violence, because there’s a magic force field which stops penises from coming in”
April 24, 2025 at 1:12 PM
averyedison.com
they’re calling it my most vindicated take of all time
Tweet from Avery Edison posted on the 28th of January 2024: when I turned 18 it was an absolute given for me that I’d vote Labour every single time I could, for the rest of my life. if I slouched into a polling booth and put an “X” next to starmer’s party today I’d consider it a deep moral stain on my soul
April 22, 2025 at 2:11 PM
averyedison.com
Hoping all the attention on Jack O’Connell in SINNERS gets some people to check out 2013’s STARRED UP, a nasty and incredibly compelling prison movie with a blistering performance from a young O’Connell.
April 20, 2025 at 2:42 PM