i Need the Inner Circle

at our house we often remark that it’s so sad, how the dog has never eaten before. it’s so terribly terribly sad. you’d think at least once in his life he’d get the chance. but no. so sad

ham man. a whole man, made of ham

this person will never be aware of me or the 2 hours i spent this morning arguing about her bill. i actually prefer it that way, by far. i just want to say that whenever you get a test or procedure done there’s probably more people than you know fighting your fucking asshole insurance on your behalf

i’m built different. like, worse

she’s miss united states

just to circle back on this one: i cried a lot

i hope you have an extremely good time and if anyone gets in the way of that they fall in a lake

i actually love southwest bc it’s basically like getting a discount for not caring what happens to your luggage or your body

and hash browns

it’s just physics