I chose:

* LC - he's short, but he comes with a weapon. I've always said, the shorter they are, the meaner they are
* the Noid - his chaos alone would just be enough to distract & confuse. I love chaos
* JGG - He can stomp on everyone
* Big Boy - he's solid. He's gonna be hard to hurt.

It may not be much, but I found a little good in the world today. That makes it a good day.

So, I spent some money supporting my fellow queers, met an amazing human, and helped get the dopamine my brain so desperately needed.

I am back at home, in my chill corner with the door closed, and just basking in the silence and joy, peace, and acceptance I felt today.

He has told them that, if they could find the "Republican Jesus," he would listen to them. The people would walk away.

That man seriously had me almost to tears because I felt his genuine love and acceptance. I needed that today.

I, also, met an amazing man (his name was Dave; so wish I would have gotten a selfie) who was a former pastor. He commented on how he loved my hoodie. We spoke about how so many "Christians" get so angry when pastors teach the words that Jesus spoke, that those words are now considered "woke".

I love you, too, my child.

When I was younger, I loved the snow. Now, it is my enemy in the winter. The only thing I hate more than snow is ice, which is my absolute, bane-of-my-existance, mortal enemy.

Please stay safe and warm.

I already know what it's like to be abandoned and utterly alone. Why stay alive when you know that is going to be the only constant in your life.

I am done.

I am ready to die and/or avoid attachment altogether because I don't want to lose anything else. I am tired of grieving. I am tired of feeling utterly alone. My thoughts, the constant static in my head are just too much anymore.

Until you would rather die, or kill, or avoid attachments altogether, than lose one more thing." N.K. Jemisin, The Obelisk Gate (The Broken Earth, #2)

"There is such a thing as too much loss. Too much has been taken from you both - taken & taken & taken, until there's nothing left but hope, & you've given that up because it hurts too much. ...

I have, utterly, lost all hope. There is no point of feeling hope in a world destined to be ran by despots, oligarchs, nazis, the most vile & despicable "people" on the planet. I found this quote and I think it is the closest I have found to how I am truly feeling:

I have had bouts of suicidal idiations in the past, but none of those times have lasted this long or have been as intense as what what is happening in my brain at this time. The darkness has completely enveloped me.

I am not okay. I'm really not. I am not sure who I can trust. I don't fully trust anyone right now - partners, family (especially my mom with aligns herself with the current regime), friends - anyone at all.