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andrewcake.bsky.social
andrewcake
@andrewcake.bsky.social
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sirmichael.bsky.social
The publishing industry is in decline. Some say it's because of changing market dynamics. Others say it's because of technological disruptions. But the truth is it's because they refuse to publish my lovely book of Heartwarming Stories for Children.
Bobby The Very Tall Squirrel Once upon a time, there lived a squirrel who was over 8 feet tall! His name was Bobby and his favourite food was hazelnuts. Unfortunately squirrels weren't meant to be 8 feet tall and, unsurprisingly, Bobby was unable to find enough food to sustain himself through winter. Bobby died in January, his existence a meaningless footnote in an uncaring universe (a fate that awaits us all). Other squirrels attended his funeral but did so out of courtesy and not because they particularly liked him. The End The Grateful Rabbits "Let's all count our blessings," said Kevin The Rabbit to all the other rabbits. "Let's take time to appreciate how lucky we are to have warrens to live in and grass to eat because some rabbits have nothing." All the other rabbits nodded in agreement and thanked their lucky stars that they had a home and just enough food to eat. Kevin The Rabbit, meanwhile, went home to his palatial warren, where he lived in luxury, thanks to being born into a rich rabbit family. He was pleased with himself after convincing all the other rabbits to be grateful for the basic amounts of shelter and sustenance they needed to survive. It distracted them from ever getting angry at rabbits like Kevin, who were living in luxurious warrens and hoarding obscence quantities of rabbit food. The End Princess Annabel Once upon a time, there lived a young girl named Annabel. "My dad says I can be anything I want when I grow up... even a princess!" said Annabel excitedly. "Sadly, Annabel, your dad is telling you an outdated fairytale," replied her teacher Miss Jennings. "Social mobility is at an all-time low and the ultra-rich are cosseted behind physical and social barriers. The chances of you becoming a princess are negligible. You'll probably work in middle management." The End Monsters Under The Bed? "Are there monsters under my bed, Daddy?" Sarah-Jane asked as her father tucked her into bed. "No, sweetie," he replied. "The world is full of terrifying monsters - and what makes them most frightening of all is how innocuous they appear. They look respectable, wear business suits, work in positions of power and effect public policy that destroys lives, vandalises the planet and ruins society, all while enriching themselves. These are the scariest monsters of all and they are everywhere. But probably not under your bed. Goodnight!" The End
August 26, 2025 at 8:01 PM