My microphone array will pinpoint your position to cm accuracy. There is no escape. 17Hz at 120dB SPL will cause you to go insane. You'll hallucinate. Your ears will bleed. You WILL shit your pants. All while I laugh from the comfort of the cardioid null position.

We were going to pick Reaper, but its users would never shut up about it. If anyone mentions Reaper in the replies, we are revoking your audio privileges.

Members will include experts with wide ranging backgrounds including audio hardware, acoustics, CIA black site torture, and retired Fox News hosts.

To maximize the group's efficacy, we're instructing members that the Geneva conventions are more like the Geneva suggestions.

That is not the sun setting in the graphic; that is the Sphere. All conference presenters will be required to mention the Sphere at least three times in their session.

This cable is real, and for $500 I will plug it into the wall and post the results.