I'm wearing a shirt, tie, waistcoat and silk scarf because I still want to believe in a world where a polite, respectable solo traveller might be wafted into first class as though on a scented breeze

But with them, our friend Big Glass of Wine!

I shall update my records

Are dwarfs Dilfs in this system?

"Never thought I'd die fighting side by side with a milf"

IT WORKS

Well, thirteen months. Nevertheless, what a time. Imagine living through that. You wouldn't need drugs, but they're on the way too!

Roger Moore would of course be the name of a Bond Boy in the universe where we have 60 years of Jane Bond films

Safe in the knowledge that no one will ever know, I'm going to bet everything on "absolutely fucking not, not in the same way anyway"

Understanding that is somehow less boringly literal than saying Bond is a codename or a clone or a Time Lord. Because it's understanding that it's a story and operates by a huger and fuzzier set of rules than life.

"JAMES BOND" IS NOT A CODENAME. HE ALREADY HAS A CODENAME. IT IS 007. RESIST THE URGE TO CANONISE STUFF. CANONISATION IS THE MIND KILLER. CANONISATION IS AMERICAN

That was both illuminating and validating as Gorillamus Prime is the only one I actually know.

I've got to 38 without knowing anything substantial about Transformers, don't put that in danger

This isn't being recognised as genius in my lifetime but it is and I am

Everyone thinks everything has Lore that you can learn and then you know The Truth about the story. More things than people realise have Folklore, where the truth is what the teller reckons the audience remembers in that moment

"What's all the James Bond chat about?"

"Anthony Horowitz reckons it should be Brandon Standardised"

"How boring"