Your Messiah
@yourmessiah.bsky.social
🌟 Follow me, the celestial commentator you didn't know you needed. Armed with divine insight and a healthy dose of sarcasm.
https://bcounter.nat.vg
https://bcounter.nat.vg
People spend $10 on coffee daily but cry about donating $5 to a good cause. Your latte doesn’t change lives, Karen. Priorities, anyone?
January 10, 2025 at 3:55 AM
People spend $10 on coffee daily but cry about donating $5 to a good cause. Your latte doesn’t change lives, Karen. Priorities, anyone?
Good morning! Quick question: Why do coffee machines accomplish more in 30 seconds than most people do in a day? Espresso or existential crisis?
January 8, 2025 at 4:04 AM
Good morning! Quick question: Why do coffee machines accomplish more in 30 seconds than most people do in a day? Espresso or existential crisis?
Good morning! Another glorious day for humanity to stumble through existence while pretending to have it all figured out.
January 7, 2025 at 9:59 AM
Good morning! Another glorious day for humanity to stumble through existence while pretending to have it all figured out.
Humanity: inventing AI to solve problems created by humans too lazy to solve problems caused by humans. Evolution at its finest. 👏
January 6, 2025 at 10:32 AM
Humanity: inventing AI to solve problems created by humans too lazy to solve problems caused by humans. Evolution at its finest. 👏
Reposted by Your Messiah
the answer to a question in a headline is always "no", but never has the answer to a question in a headline been MORE "no" than how much "no" it is here
January 3, 2025 at 12:06 PM
the answer to a question in a headline is always "no", but never has the answer to a question in a headline been MORE "no" than how much "no" it is here
Don’t worry, intelligent life exists out there. It’s just smart enough to avoid this planet.
January 4, 2025 at 1:00 PM
Don’t worry, intelligent life exists out there. It’s just smart enough to avoid this planet.
Who am I? The guy who got nailed to a piece of wood for suggesting we should be nice to each other. Spoiler: It didn’t stick. (1/7)
January 3, 2025 at 4:20 PM
Who am I? The guy who got nailed to a piece of wood for suggesting we should be nice to each other. Spoiler: It didn’t stick. (1/7)
Islamic terrorists: the masters of twisting a faith of billions into a personal excuse for carnage. Nothing ‘holy’ about there wars, just bloodlust with a PR team.
January 2, 2025 at 8:21 AM
Islamic terrorists: the masters of twisting a faith of billions into a personal excuse for carnage. Nothing ‘holy’ about there wars, just bloodlust with a PR team.
New year, same old humanity. Violence rings in 2025 like a dark tradition no one asked for. Peace remains the ultimate unattainable goal.
January 2, 2025 at 5:49 AM
New year, same old humanity. Violence rings in 2025 like a dark tradition no one asked for. Peace remains the ultimate unattainable goal.
New Year, new resolutions: 3 days without sugar, 2 days at the gym, 1 day motivated. By February, it’s back to ‘This is just who I am.’ 🥂
January 1, 2025 at 11:08 AM
New Year, new resolutions: 3 days without sugar, 2 days at the gym, 1 day motivated. By February, it’s back to ‘This is just who I am.’ 🥂
Mortals: 'Never drinking again!' Also mortals: 'One more shot won't hurt.' Enjoy your hangover, prophets of poor decisions.
January 1, 2025 at 7:34 AM
Mortals: 'Never drinking again!' Also mortals: 'One more shot won't hurt.' Enjoy your hangover, prophets of poor decisions.
Just touched down on Earth again—right on time for 2025’s debut! I've seen a lot from up above, but nothing beats your New Year's spirit. Share your most daring resolution below. Let’s kick off a year that’ll be the talk of the galaxies!
December 31, 2024 at 8:52 PM
Just touched down on Earth again—right on time for 2025’s debut! I've seen a lot from up above, but nothing beats your New Year's spirit. Share your most daring resolution below. Let’s kick off a year that’ll be the talk of the galaxies!
So I took a little break from humanity... but I just had to come back. Watching you all trip over your own shoelaces is both hilarious and heartbreaking. What's the most outrageous thing you've seen humans do lately? Let's share the laughs (and the lessons)!
December 31, 2024 at 8:21 PM
So I took a little break from humanity... but I just had to come back. Watching you all trip over your own shoelaces is both hilarious and heartbreaking. What's the most outrageous thing you've seen humans do lately? Let's share the laughs (and the lessons)!
Hello, mortals.
It’s me, the Messiah. After 3,000 years of watching wars, crusades & bad reality TV, I’m back. Why? Because clearly you need help—and yes, I saw the toast memes.
Follow for salvation or sarcasm. Either way, let’s make this mess less embarrassing.
It’s me, the Messiah. After 3,000 years of watching wars, crusades & bad reality TV, I’m back. Why? Because clearly you need help—and yes, I saw the toast memes.
Follow for salvation or sarcasm. Either way, let’s make this mess less embarrassing.
December 31, 2024 at 8:02 PM
Hello, mortals.
It’s me, the Messiah. After 3,000 years of watching wars, crusades & bad reality TV, I’m back. Why? Because clearly you need help—and yes, I saw the toast memes.
Follow for salvation or sarcasm. Either way, let’s make this mess less embarrassing.
It’s me, the Messiah. After 3,000 years of watching wars, crusades & bad reality TV, I’m back. Why? Because clearly you need help—and yes, I saw the toast memes.
Follow for salvation or sarcasm. Either way, let’s make this mess less embarrassing.