Good evening, Listeners.

Another day has come and gone, hours passed and hours past.

The sun rose, screaming as it does, and then set, at the incorrect time, as it does.

And now, it is night.

Sleep, Night Vale.
Dream, Night Vale.

As always, goodnight, Night Vale. Goodnight.

And now, a word from our sponsors:

The radio is static.
The air is static.
The shadow beings with hoods are static.
The town is static.

Static, here, has two meanings.
One being the buzzing. The buzzing that never stops never slows down never goes away until it drives you mad, drives you howling mad.

The Old Ones slumber beneath the surface. The Old Ones do not wake, unless woken.
The Old Ones are here, but not here.
They are in the distance.
They are in our school.
They are near the Car Lot.
They are all places other than Italy.
They are in the radio station.
They are in City Hall.

T̛̯̲̬ͮ̀̅̀̀́͜h̶̴̝̹̮̼̤̐͟ȇ̷̝̭̝͙̒̿ͯͦ̕͜͟y̼̻͕͕ͩ͗̿̏ ͍̒͒͗̀͏̵̨c̽̌ͫ̊̆҉̶̢ȍ͔̪̟̯͈̞̌ͨ̓̈́m̷̴͕̲̩͋ͩ́ͨ͏e̗̫̙̒̃̈͒̔̌ ̗̺ͮ̆͗̐i̸̹̙͞n̷̡̼̝̦̻̼̱͊̓͑̆́̏͟ ̻̫͍̪́̌͏̸̢̀t̨̛̗̼̰͏̡͘w̡̝̿̈́͂͌ͮ́̚̕͘ǫ̸̡̖̳́͐̇s̉̈̿̽͝͏͘.͔̯͈̈́͗͢͏̵̡
̥̩̒ͬ̐͆͆̽Y̶̛͟ö̷̟̯̼̙͆̀͞u̖̻͎̳̙̓̚ ̛̳̫ͮc̴̢͉̼̲͙ͫ̿ǫ̷̩͉̜͈̳͓̃̈ͧ̄́́͘͠m͎̲̹ͤ̇̾ͬĕ̯̈̚͞͝ ̵̡̢̢̣̄͋̈́̚i͔̦͙̱n̡̯̪͚͕̳̊̀̉͜҉̸̸́ ̷̡̃̈́̄̕̕͘͝t̶̴ͯ́͘͝͠ẇ̠̲̹̩̒͡o͓̜͚̖ͯ̊š̸͉̺̭̦ͭ͒͑́̀͞.̣̱ͩ̄̆̀ͧ̓̕̕
̺̙̼҉̨Ý̡̦͖̦̦͇͏͏o̷̢̜̗͈u̴̷̢̳̲̖̿͋ͭ̀͡,̛͆́̀͘ ̧̟̠̳͕̱̟͗͑̈́͌̍͢҉͘͝a̶̲͘͢͠҉n̸̡̡̬̟͓̙͖̆ͨ́́҉҉d̩͏̴̢͡҉̢ ̴̬̞͇ͨ̏͛͐̌y͈͖̲̯͌̇̌̾̾ͬó͕̭ͤͪͥ͝ȗ̊̋͌ͧ̋͡.̧͓̣̲͕͕̯͏̴̢͘
̵̡̖̥͖͎͑͆ͥ̅̽͞Ḱ̶̛͈͕̼̜̏͢͞ͅi̷̲̜̫ͤ̇l̴̶͖̔͞ͅ͏̧̢ḽ̳̠͉͔̿͐̚ ̩͎̅ͅ҉̸̡͞͡y̴̢̧̛̳͖̹͈̯̪͟o̢̮̬̙̤̟͐ͬ̊ͭͫ̑͟͡͠u̸̱͙͋́͢r̨̤͍̥̜̊ͤ͒̅̈͜ ̢̢̫̽̓̐͛̄ḏ̷͇͗o̞̖͙ͨ̀͢͡͠ṳ̷̸͖̯b̢̭̳ͫͪl͕̘̩ͥͬ̆̐ͪ͢ͅe̱͎͌͋ͯͫ͟.͉̣ͨ͂ͥͧ҉̨͟͞

Need a brain bonnet? An intelligence insulator? This winter gear is for you. Logo Scarf and Beanie: https://buff.ly/4ik3ppI Birds Beanie: https://buff.ly/3Cv6fYV

Lipton Iced Tea: Our tea is cold, and that's good, we think.

Night is drawing closer, Night Vale
Closer and closer, it creeps to us like a wounded animal bringing us some little dead thing, as a treat or a threat

but it comes to us all the same, just as the night comes to us

Soon, the sky will go dark and the Void will be clear as ever

The world does not remember you
Your shadow does not even exist
The desert has moved on and it is a brand new day, in a line of other brand new days of greater or lesser value, along with brand old days

it is entirely unclear
Just as you are unclear

I have not forgotten, Listeners

The air is thick with heat and moisture.
We have forgotten what it means to breathe.

The night does not bring with it any comfort so we must curl into ourselves and await the end

Welcome to Night Vale

The night is cool and quiet as the Void sees all, hears all and wonders

The mysterious lights zoom far above, but not too far, and not too fast as to not be seen

And we all, now, are tucked safely away in our beds, thinking of dying leaves and dying trees
Old Bones, and New Bones, and Ancient

Resident Listeners of Night Vale, this is your pre-warning that a warning is imminent. Please stay tuned for the warning after this warning, about the coming warning.

As the night howls on and the Voice holds the sun hostage from our eyes, we lay in our beds, wrapped in cool blankets to feel warm and pretend to sleep

Goodnight, Night Vale
Goodnight

Just crack an egg.
Do it, I dare you

Crack an egg.
Come on, do it.
Can't you do it?
Don't you know how?
You just crack it
Right down the middle
Crrrrrrack
Crrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaack.

Just crack an egg.

Strange Things are Coming, Listeners. Strange Things indeed.
Waffles on a sign- Wheat, and or its by-products!

Stranger Things have yet to be seen. . .

Have you ever painted, Listeners?
Anything, really, but mostly I mean a room.
Have you ever painted a room?

. . .I've recently been painting, and let me tell you, Listeners--

it is not a very fun activity.
My shoulders and neck *really* hurt
my feet and arms are *blue*

. . .Painting sucks.

Cats are weird, Listeners.
Like. . . really weird.
They're such a mysterious creature, cats.
And yet

And yet we find them so comforting, don't we?
Well, some of us do, anyway.
Others of us are allergic to cats.
Others of us, still, are terrified of cats- which is a silly fear to have, honestly,

Listeners!
I got a chance to go behind the scenes at Big Rico's to see the magic happen--

I can't remember anything after I took this picture, and I have weird marks all over my arms now!
My tattoos won't go near those marks!

Isn't that exciting?

No one does a slice like Big Rico's
. . . no one.

Listeners, don't forget!

Spider Bake Sale, today in the Empty Lot out back of the Ralph's

Today Only

Come enjoy food made by spiders, for spiders, of spiders

All proceeds from today's Spider Bake sale go to the Education Fund for Real Spiders (EFfRS)

Alternatively

Ask your dog about doctors
Have a long conversation about how suspicious doctors are
Show them pictures of doctors

Ask if doctors are right for you
Ask if doctors are left for you
Ask your dog many questions
Determine that your dog is actually doctors
Do not listen to your dog

Ask your doctor about dogs.
Have a long conversation about how good dogs are.
Show each other pictures of dogs.

Ask if dogs are right for you.
Ask if dogs are wrong for you.
Ask if dogs can answers these questions.
Determine that your doctor is *actually* a dog.
Adopt your Dogtor

Ever wondered what it's like to work here?

Come by the Abandoned Missile Silo at 10pm tomorrow night.

Step inside the darkness, and join us. Come see what it's like to work here.
We swear you'll leave with all of your toes.

Finger Food.
Come work for us.

Shoot for the moon.
If you miss, here's a gentle reminder from the Science District that the moon's diameter is 3,475 kilometers, and you could not have fucked this up more.

Maybe you should have practiced more.
Maybe you should not try to shoot for anything.
Maybe you should not.

And now, a word from today's sponsor: