Tim Lyons
@thetimlyons.bsky.social
There's only two type of weather in Chicago, Giordano's and Al's Beef.
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Those Jeeps with headlights that make them look angry always scare me on the road but I prefer it to the VW Bugs with eyes lashes that make me horny.
October 25, 2025 at 9:59 PM
Those Jeeps with headlights that make them look angry always scare me on the road but I prefer it to the VW Bugs with eyes lashes that make me horny.
I could see myself getting married here.
October 19, 2025 at 8:14 PM
I could see myself getting married here.
Reposted by Tim Lyons
I'm at the scene where ICE abducted multiple people from Lincoln and Foster this morning.
A WGN producer was among the people taken, allegedly because she was among a group of bystanders who tried to intervene. ICE agents hit this car while making their getaway.
A WGN producer was among the people taken, allegedly because she was among a group of bystanders who tried to intervene. ICE agents hit this car while making their getaway.
October 10, 2025 at 2:55 PM
I'm at the scene where ICE abducted multiple people from Lincoln and Foster this morning.
A WGN producer was among the people taken, allegedly because she was among a group of bystanders who tried to intervene. ICE agents hit this car while making their getaway.
A WGN producer was among the people taken, allegedly because she was among a group of bystanders who tried to intervene. ICE agents hit this car while making their getaway.
Reposted by Tim Lyons
Kat Abughazaleh: ICE lies. That's kind of their thing.
October 4, 2025 at 2:00 PM
Kat Abughazaleh: ICE lies. That's kind of their thing.
Reposted by Tim Lyons
I am just so fucking proud of her.
October 3, 2025 at 7:45 PM
I am just so fucking proud of her.
Happy Birthday to me
September 5, 2025 at 7:08 PM
Happy Birthday to me
Crazy what makes the news
September 3, 2025 at 10:09 PM
Crazy what makes the news
Trying stand up for the first time
July 22, 2025 at 8:48 PM
Trying stand up for the first time
Release the list of names of the guys who bought bottled up farts from that woman online in 2020, almost killing her from making her fart so much.
July 9, 2025 at 2:21 PM
Release the list of names of the guys who bought bottled up farts from that woman online in 2020, almost killing her from making her fart so much.
If you end up making a movie about this guy, just offer it up Tracey Letts. Looks like him, sounds like him, it's a freebie.
Q: "How do you respond to Governor Newsom?"
Sen. Van Hollen: "I think Americans are tired of elected officials or politicians who are all finger to the wind...Anybody who can't stand up for the Constitution and the right of due process doesn't deserve to lead."
Sen. Van Hollen: "I think Americans are tired of elected officials or politicians who are all finger to the wind...Anybody who can't stand up for the Constitution and the right of due process doesn't deserve to lead."
April 21, 2025 at 4:24 PM
If you end up making a movie about this guy, just offer it up Tracey Letts. Looks like him, sounds like him, it's a freebie.
Another lesson for da club
April 19, 2025 at 8:47 PM
Another lesson for da club
Like weed, coughing after sipping whiskey that goes down the wrong pipe gets you drunker. I do it on purpose.
April 5, 2025 at 7:11 PM
Like weed, coughing after sipping whiskey that goes down the wrong pipe gets you drunker. I do it on purpose.
Sure 🔥way to pick up any girl at da club
April 2, 2025 at 8:22 PM
Sure 🔥way to pick up any girl at da club
Day 6,652 of resisting the urge to go downtown and f**k the bean. Today was hard.
March 18, 2025 at 2:04 PM
Day 6,652 of resisting the urge to go downtown and f**k the bean. Today was hard.
Seeking 6 guys who want to transform their lives over the next 4 months and love burgers. Must be willing to go to war against a rival family of 5 burger lovers.
DM for details.
DM for details.
March 8, 2025 at 12:49 AM
Seeking 6 guys who want to transform their lives over the next 4 months and love burgers. Must be willing to go to war against a rival family of 5 burger lovers.
DM for details.
DM for details.
After reading all the day’s terrible news, it’s nice to unwind by having my mother, who hasn’t spoken to anyone all day, recap all of the day’s terrible news back to me in an absolute panic.
February 5, 2025 at 7:30 PM
After reading all the day’s terrible news, it’s nice to unwind by having my mother, who hasn’t spoken to anyone all day, recap all of the day’s terrible news back to me in an absolute panic.
Reposted by Tim Lyons
Yesterday’s live is now on YouTube: m.youtube.com/watch?featur...
February 4, 2025 at 8:02 PM
Yesterday’s live is now on YouTube: m.youtube.com/watch?featur...
Reposted by Tim Lyons
Woke up screaming from a nightmare where my ass got pinched by one of those rolling slides at Discovery Zone.
January 31, 2025 at 6:10 PM
Woke up screaming from a nightmare where my ass got pinched by one of those rolling slides at Discovery Zone.
Thanks to my son for giving me my daily news! #thedailyduke
January 20, 2025 at 3:05 PM
Thanks to my son for giving me my daily news! #thedailyduke
January 20, 2025 at 3:03 PM
*Me using a vacuum my mom has had and used her entire life*
My mom: oh my god what is that noise!?
My mom: oh my god what is that noise!?
January 8, 2025 at 3:03 PM
*Me using a vacuum my mom has had and used her entire life*
My mom: oh my god what is that noise!?
My mom: oh my god what is that noise!?
My wife said she’ll divorce me if I say “my spider sense is tingling” one more time after I use the hearing aid feature on my new AirPod Pros.
January 7, 2025 at 10:36 PM
My wife said she’ll divorce me if I say “my spider sense is tingling” one more time after I use the hearing aid feature on my new AirPod Pros.
Not sure if gingers have souls but I know that if we kill someone in a dream they die in real life.
December 6, 2024 at 1:29 PM
Not sure if gingers have souls but I know that if we kill someone in a dream they die in real life.