Fletch_Lives
@simulacrumbling.bsky.social
Delights in the weird spaces of our many worlds.
I read, write, watch, listen, joke, cook, and like to post weird movie fan fiction (and reviews) on Letterboxd https://boxd.it/9TOOx
he/him
I ignore DM's
I read, write, watch, listen, joke, cook, and like to post weird movie fan fiction (and reviews) on Letterboxd https://boxd.it/9TOOx
he/him
I ignore DM's
Pinned
Every day I gather firewood (I build fires), I come up with or remember a joke about wood. I tell 1 to 2 people, then I forget them. I'm going to start telling them to you. Soon you'll have enough wood posts to build a fence.
How can a woodchipper help you create the feel of autumn during the spring?
When you let the chips FALL where they MAY.
When you let the chips FALL where they MAY.
November 6, 2025 at 3:08 PM
How can a woodchipper help you create the feel of autumn during the spring?
When you let the chips FALL where they MAY.
When you let the chips FALL where they MAY.
Why did the whale purchase 2,000 lbs of 2x4's?
Plankton toothpicks.
Plankton toothpicks.
November 6, 2025 at 1:42 AM
Why did the whale purchase 2,000 lbs of 2x4's?
Plankton toothpicks.
Plankton toothpicks.
Why do tree branches bend when they're covered in icicles?
Because they're limb-burr.
Because they're limb-burr.
November 6, 2025 at 1:40 AM
Why do tree branches bend when they're covered in icicles?
Because they're limb-burr.
Because they're limb-burr.
Heal Hunger in a Few Minutes
It tells me that I gifted a meal by taking a photo at Demos' Restaurant with the free @GiftAMeal app. I was getting a water, but then I guess I got a meal too, right?
#DemosRestaurant #GiftAMeal
api.giftameal.app/local-busine...
It tells me that I gifted a meal by taking a photo at Demos' Restaurant with the free @GiftAMeal app. I was getting a water, but then I guess I got a meal too, right?
#DemosRestaurant #GiftAMeal
api.giftameal.app/local-busine...
Demos' Restaurant helped me GiftAMeal to a family in need!
Join us in the fight against hunger.
api.giftameal.app
November 1, 2025 at 9:56 PM
Heal Hunger in a Few Minutes
It tells me that I gifted a meal by taking a photo at Demos' Restaurant with the free @GiftAMeal app. I was getting a water, but then I guess I got a meal too, right?
#DemosRestaurant #GiftAMeal
api.giftameal.app/local-busine...
It tells me that I gifted a meal by taking a photo at Demos' Restaurant with the free @GiftAMeal app. I was getting a water, but then I guess I got a meal too, right?
#DemosRestaurant #GiftAMeal
api.giftameal.app/local-busine...
Did the Monster Mash.
October 31, 2025 at 10:07 PM
Did the Monster Mash.
Why did the tree branch go on a killing spree?
One day it just snapped.
One day it just snapped.
October 31, 2025 at 2:17 PM
Why did the tree branch go on a killing spree?
One day it just snapped.
One day it just snapped.
Why didn't the squirrel trust the tree?
It was acting shady.
It was acting shady.
October 29, 2025 at 7:46 PM
Why didn't the squirrel trust the tree?
It was acting shady.
It was acting shady.
If you found a squirrel's stash in the hollow of a tree, and you pulled down your pants and started fucking it, what would you be?
You'd be totally fucking nuts.
You'd be totally fucking nuts.
October 29, 2025 at 7:45 PM
If you found a squirrel's stash in the hollow of a tree, and you pulled down your pants and started fucking it, what would you be?
You'd be totally fucking nuts.
You'd be totally fucking nuts.
Why wasn't the oak tree upset when Gary Bucey head-butted it?
Because it was once a wild nut too.
Because it was once a wild nut too.
October 23, 2025 at 1:49 AM
Why wasn't the oak tree upset when Gary Bucey head-butted it?
Because it was once a wild nut too.
Because it was once a wild nut too.
Why did the tree ghost go to the doctor?
It had phantom limb syndrome.
It had phantom limb syndrome.
October 3, 2025 at 11:21 AM
Why did the tree ghost go to the doctor?
It had phantom limb syndrome.
It had phantom limb syndrome.
Why did they make a movie about a company that shipped NFTs of trees?
Because they haul e-wood.
Because they haul e-wood.
October 2, 2025 at 10:36 PM
Why did they make a movie about a company that shipped NFTs of trees?
Because they haul e-wood.
Because they haul e-wood.
Why don't trees have an appreciation for the humanities?
They only learn STEM.
They only learn STEM.
October 2, 2025 at 7:54 PM
Why don't trees have an appreciation for the humanities?
They only learn STEM.
They only learn STEM.
What kind of tree would steal your drugs and rat you out to the cops?
A little beechwood.
A little beechwood.
October 2, 2025 at 7:38 PM
What kind of tree would steal your drugs and rat you out to the cops?
A little beechwood.
A little beechwood.
What did Abraham Lincoln leave in his bedpan?
Lincoln logs.
Lincoln logs.
September 27, 2025 at 2:09 PM
What did Abraham Lincoln leave in his bedpan?
Lincoln logs.
Lincoln logs.
What were Timothy the lumberjack's last words before he died from hypothermia?
Tim-burrrrr
Tim-burrrrr
September 26, 2025 at 10:26 AM
What were Timothy the lumberjack's last words before he died from hypothermia?
Tim-burrrrr
Tim-burrrrr
Why did the lumberjack bring a cheerleader with him to chop wood?
She could do the splits.
She could do the splits.
September 26, 2025 at 10:22 AM
Why did the lumberjack bring a cheerleader with him to chop wood?
She could do the splits.
She could do the splits.
What did the tree-scented cleaner do when it found Jesus?
Changed its name to Pine-Paul.
Changed its name to Pine-Paul.
September 26, 2025 at 10:21 AM
What did the tree-scented cleaner do when it found Jesus?
Changed its name to Pine-Paul.
Changed its name to Pine-Paul.
Why did the sculptor bring his wooden statue of Bruce Lee to the Wild West show?
Because he heard they would feature Annie Oakley.
Because he heard they would feature Annie Oakley.
September 20, 2025 at 12:13 PM
Why did the sculptor bring his wooden statue of Bruce Lee to the Wild West show?
Because he heard they would feature Annie Oakley.
Because he heard they would feature Annie Oakley.
Why did the warring generals put pine cones in their drinks?
They wanted a tree tea.
They wanted a tree tea.
September 15, 2025 at 2:00 AM
Why did the warring generals put pine cones in their drinks?
They wanted a tree tea.
They wanted a tree tea.
What's the least medicinal tree?
Sycamore
Sycamore
September 15, 2025 at 1:58 AM
What's the least medicinal tree?
Sycamore
Sycamore
What's the worst part of a haunted forest in the winter?
No one leaves.
No one leaves.
September 15, 2025 at 1:55 AM
What's the worst part of a haunted forest in the winter?
No one leaves.
No one leaves.
What type of tree fits in your hand?
A palm tree.
A palm tree.
September 14, 2025 at 1:34 AM
What type of tree fits in your hand?
A palm tree.
A palm tree.
What type of wood has a soft angora-like exterior and is great for when you camp?
Ed Wood, Jr.
Ed Wood, Jr.
September 14, 2025 at 1:33 AM
What type of wood has a soft angora-like exterior and is great for when you camp?
Ed Wood, Jr.
Ed Wood, Jr.
When does a wood joke go too far?
When it goes out on a limb.
When it goes out on a limb.
September 14, 2025 at 1:32 AM
When does a wood joke go too far?
When it goes out on a limb.
When it goes out on a limb.
What do pitmasters and Limp Bizkit fans have in common?
They're both eager to burn down their wood stock.
They're both eager to burn down their wood stock.
September 10, 2025 at 6:59 PM
What do pitmasters and Limp Bizkit fans have in common?
They're both eager to burn down their wood stock.
They're both eager to burn down their wood stock.