Cris Skelton
@sideshowcris.bsky.social
Beleaguered writer, itinerant performer, and man about town
Houston raised, Los Angeles based
Read my newsletter, I promise it mostly doesn't suck: https://crisskelton.substack.com/
Houston raised, Los Angeles based
Read my newsletter, I promise it mostly doesn't suck: https://crisskelton.substack.com/
You never see people counting things in Scaramuccis anymore
November 10, 2025 at 10:12 PM
You never see people counting things in Scaramuccis anymore
Astros are out for the first time since 2016 but I will console myself with the knowledge that the Mariners are awesome and exciting and I want @mikeduncan.bsky.social to have happiness
September 28, 2025 at 7:39 AM
Astros are out for the first time since 2016 but I will console myself with the knowledge that the Mariners are awesome and exciting and I want @mikeduncan.bsky.social to have happiness
A while back I heard that you can poop with such force that you reset your vagus nerve, pass out, and suffer temporary amnesia for a few hours, and ever since acquiring this knowledge there is a part of me that wonders if the next late night Taco Bell will be The One
April 2, 2025 at 10:59 PM
A while back I heard that you can poop with such force that you reset your vagus nerve, pass out, and suffer temporary amnesia for a few hours, and ever since acquiring this knowledge there is a part of me that wonders if the next late night Taco Bell will be The One
It’s wild as hell to accidentally include a journalist on the war group chat, but even wilder to use a publicly available texting app like Signal, which I’ve only ever seen used to text your drug dealer about how many drugs you’d like to buy
March 24, 2025 at 10:29 PM
It’s wild as hell to accidentally include a journalist on the war group chat, but even wilder to use a publicly available texting app like Signal, which I’ve only ever seen used to text your drug dealer about how many drugs you’d like to buy
There's a guy I used to know with the last name Boring, and he did his best to be as interesting as possible to defeat the curse of his name (he failed, he was very boring). That's why I'm glad my last name is Skelton; it's 1,000x easier to fight skeletons, they're only a 1/4 CR with an avg 13 HP
March 21, 2025 at 6:32 PM
There's a guy I used to know with the last name Boring, and he did his best to be as interesting as possible to defeat the curse of his name (he failed, he was very boring). That's why I'm glad my last name is Skelton; it's 1,000x easier to fight skeletons, they're only a 1/4 CR with an avg 13 HP
Working to attain the level of self-satisfaction a liberal feels when they invent a new orange-themed nickname for Donald Trump
March 17, 2025 at 5:26 PM
Working to attain the level of self-satisfaction a liberal feels when they invent a new orange-themed nickname for Donald Trump
Hulu fully crashed out, then when I got through it said I didn’t have the Live TV package, so I guess I’m just gonna follow the Oscars on social and hope someone puts the good stuff on YouTube like I always do. *sigh*
March 3, 2025 at 1:27 AM
Hulu fully crashed out, then when I got through it said I didn’t have the Live TV package, so I guess I’m just gonna follow the Oscars on social and hope someone puts the good stuff on YouTube like I always do. *sigh*
Last week I caught a clip of Stewart Copeland listing off some of his favorite drummers of all time, and the comment section was the first time in awhile I’ve had to reckon with the subset of people who believe loving Neil Peart is a whole personality
February 23, 2025 at 6:22 PM
Last week I caught a clip of Stewart Copeland listing off some of his favorite drummers of all time, and the comment section was the first time in awhile I’ve had to reckon with the subset of people who believe loving Neil Peart is a whole personality
I miss the days when I had such an amazing facility for focus that I could read Wizard Magazine cover to cover over and over again
February 7, 2025 at 4:40 AM
I miss the days when I had such an amazing facility for focus that I could read Wizard Magazine cover to cover over and over again
Reposted by Cris Skelton
Pictured: me showing up at the DOGE office to beat the doors off the 6 groyper child employees
February 6, 2025 at 12:59 AM
Pictured: me showing up at the DOGE office to beat the doors off the 6 groyper child employees
Why did we stop calling these chuds weird
February 1, 2025 at 4:39 PM
Why did we stop calling these chuds weird
The out of body experience of hearing the soundtrack to your college days piping through the beleaguered speakers of a suburban Applebee’s at 11pm on a Sunday, as you eat your disappointing chicken and wonder what the hell happened
January 27, 2025 at 7:20 AM
The out of body experience of hearing the soundtrack to your college days piping through the beleaguered speakers of a suburban Applebee’s at 11pm on a Sunday, as you eat your disappointing chicken and wonder what the hell happened
Hey it’s me, a dude on BlueSky. Here’s an opinion
January 25, 2025 at 10:28 AM
Hey it’s me, a dude on BlueSky. Here’s an opinion
Wait, but a fat M&M gives you more M&M. What demon is on the side of less M&M?? Fascism truly breaks the brain
"The woke M&Ms have returned. The green M&M got her boots back but apparently is now a lesbian maybe? And there's also a plus-sized, obese, purple M&M. So we're gonna cover that...of course...because that's what we do."
January 24, 2025 at 10:13 PM
Wait, but a fat M&M gives you more M&M. What demon is on the side of less M&M?? Fascism truly breaks the brain
It's hard to defend against a TikTok ban 'cause its data collection practices *are* weird and gross. What our tech-illiterate Congress doesn't get is that every single other thing on the internet does that, and it's totally legal because our reps haven't even entertained getting any data laws passed
January 17, 2025 at 4:17 PM
It's hard to defend against a TikTok ban 'cause its data collection practices *are* weird and gross. What our tech-illiterate Congress doesn't get is that every single other thing on the internet does that, and it's totally legal because our reps haven't even entertained getting any data laws passed
Anybody else find it kinda funny that the NYT crossword seems to tacitly endorse psychedelics
January 17, 2025 at 12:31 AM
Anybody else find it kinda funny that the NYT crossword seems to tacitly endorse psychedelics
I’ve suddenly started gaining traction on Threads. Since people I like are leaving it on account of Zork’s fascist kowtowing, I’m slightly worried what this means about my social media comms style. *sigh* Anyways, if y’all’d be so kind as to hit me in my dopamine over here that would be so so nice
January 17, 2025 at 12:29 AM
I’ve suddenly started gaining traction on Threads. Since people I like are leaving it on account of Zork’s fascist kowtowing, I’m slightly worried what this means about my social media comms style. *sigh* Anyways, if y’all’d be so kind as to hit me in my dopamine over here that would be so so nice
Really glad the Stonecutters made Steve Guttenberg a star. Clearly they knew what they were doing
January 9, 2025 at 6:49 PM
Really glad the Stonecutters made Steve Guttenberg a star. Clearly they knew what they were doing
For all the talk about how much more liberal California is, the police and mayors still love to talk tough about how they're gonna beat the shit out of looters that don't exist. I was having wonderful Hurricane Harvey flashbacks listening to them do a press conference. It's like I never left Texas
January 9, 2025 at 3:12 AM
For all the talk about how much more liberal California is, the police and mayors still love to talk tough about how they're gonna beat the shit out of looters that don't exist. I was having wonderful Hurricane Harvey flashbacks listening to them do a press conference. It's like I never left Texas
It smells like camping in my house
January 8, 2025 at 6:09 AM
It smells like camping in my house
It’s an odd sensation, as a Houstonian, to be experiencing hurricane winds and power blips with no rain at all. I guess thanks for trying to make me feel at home, LA. You’re a real one for that?
January 8, 2025 at 3:14 AM
It’s an odd sensation, as a Houstonian, to be experiencing hurricane winds and power blips with no rain at all. I guess thanks for trying to make me feel at home, LA. You’re a real one for that?
Advertisements in the middle of a wrestling match are not the vibe, Netflix
January 7, 2025 at 2:33 AM
Advertisements in the middle of a wrestling match are not the vibe, Netflix
In the spirit of Steven Soderbergh, I decided to keep a diary of everything I saw, read, and did in 2024. Here's me talking about it:
What I Saw, What I Read, and What I Did in 2024
My personal culture diary of this past year
crisskelton.substack.com
January 6, 2025 at 9:55 PM
In the spirit of Steven Soderbergh, I decided to keep a diary of everything I saw, read, and did in 2024. Here's me talking about it:
Yes, thank you web browser, I definitely wanted to Google the color blue and not visit the social platform known as Bluesky
January 6, 2025 at 9:55 PM
Yes, thank you web browser, I definitely wanted to Google the color blue and not visit the social platform known as Bluesky
Sometimes I call Star Wars fans “Warsies” ‘cause I believe in linguistic precedence
January 4, 2025 at 5:41 PM
Sometimes I call Star Wars fans “Warsies” ‘cause I believe in linguistic precedence